“And my mom said, ‘You look like a dyke today’”

Meet Giovanni Denny, a first-year student at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill studying chemistry. Denny shares what it’s like being an out bisexual woman on campus.

Who is this fresh face with her big grin and charm? Meet Giovanni Denny, a first-year UNC student who told me her BS in Chemistry is still questionable. If most of us abhor chemistry because it is challenging and scary, then Giovanni will have no problem, because she has been through tougher times since she was outed in the eighth grade. Yes, you heard correctly, Giovanni is not only an out bisexual first-year student here, but the challenge and the beauty of being out is old news for her.
Here is her story that she told me, and if you get the privilege of meeting and befriending her, you will understand that her warm personality and bravery are just some of the traits that helped her along the familiar heterosexist North Carolina pathway that still keeps many of us closeted.

“When I was in the eighth grade, my best friend introduced me to her bisexual friend, who later became my first girlfriend. She is the first person I ever came out to. In ninth grade, however, I dated another student who was a little too talkative, and people started finding out about me. But they were not nice or accepting about it, rather, they talked about me being ‘gay’ behind my back but never to my face. I really hate it when people put labels on me, and I do not like being chatted about - people need to just talk to me directly. Other women at school were not as nice as the men, but then again, those same men were asking, ‘can I watch you and another girl together,’ which makes me really uncomfortable. I actually had some other students tell me that I ‘was too pretty to be gay.’ They did not say lesbian, bisexual, or dyke - just gay.

But my mother uses ‘dyke’ negatively, so much that I really do not like the word; she has scarred it for me. Once she actually said to me, before I left for school, that ‘You look like a dyke today.’ She actually found out about part of my sexuality last year, almost a year ago, when she found a note from a girlfriend. She picked me up from school, with my little sister in the back, and before my sister could even tell me about her day at school, my mom tells me that she found the note and added, ‘This must be why you cannot keep a boyfriend.’ She then threatened to disown me and said kept referring to me as a dyke. She told me that she ‘could not have a daughter that is a dyke.’ We yelled and argued at one another at home for close to an hour and then did not talk for a couple of days. How did we talk again? She texted my phone at school asking me if I needed help or if I wanted her to setup an appointment with a shrink or something. I could not believe what she was saying!

Yet at the same time I could not help but wonder where all this homophobia came from. She tries to be religious, but she has never brought religion into the sexuality issue. Even when one of her best friends came out to her as bisexual/lesbian, she told me that she would just have to accept it and all seemed fine. I cannot help but compare her to some of my bisexual friends’ parents, who are accepting and not so hostile. For the past year, our relationship has waned. She will argue with me about me being bisexual, because she finally knows I like women and men, often. We will argue but rarely talk. She will call back the next day and say, ‘I love you.’ She has urged me to date my best friend who is a bisexual man. She also makes openly homophobic remarks in front of me, like ‘I’d hate it if that was my son and he was gay.’ She avoids and denies my sexuality.

I know she loves me, but all of it hurts, it really hurts to have your only parent be like this. I try to avoid arguing now.

Like I said, this was not even a year ago, and here I am now, a first-year student at Carolina who is out to nearly everyone I know. This past summer I worked and stayed away from home as much as possible. Now that I am here, and not Greensboro, my mom actually calls me and tells me she misses me quite often. I find it weird.

I like it here; most of the time I feel welcome. I have had both good and bad experiences being out in the few months I have been at Carolina. I have met a lot of friends that are ‘like’ me. I came out to my good friends the weekend before school started and one already knew, Aisha. I have known her since sixth grade but we have not become close until this year. She knew about me before I told her and she thought of it as, ‘whatever.’

Two of the other women starting distancing themselves away from me and I did not understand why. I have not ever been treated like that by any of my friends who I had come out to in the past. Aisha said some people act differently and I just needed to give them time. I still did not understand the problem because they would talk about me behind my back and it started to make me feel very uncomfortable around them. Eventually they came around and got used to the fact that this is who I am and I am not going to change. One of the two women knew about me in high school and was okay with the fact that I am bisexual but was not fine with me being affectionate with another female around her. She is okay now.

Morgen Wade, my best friend of five years who is heterosexual now knows and accepts it
100 percent. I can talk to her about everything- boyfriend or girlfriend problems.
I am not a big fan of PDA whether it be a homosexual couple or a heterosexual couple. Holding hands is okay and hugging but I am not the type to kiss in public whether I am dating a male or female. Most of the men I tell accept it. My good guy friends say it is another topic we can talk about because we have something else in common. Other guys says it’s sexy because they would love to watch, which always makes me uncomfortable.

I do not feel comfortable when people stare when I hug or hold hands with the same sex -it is like I can read their minds.

Whatever, though, as long as my good friends accept me, I am happy!”