FULL MOON RITUAL: ???<P> Ritual Leader: ???<P>

   “Ah, Spring,” Jess thinks, “when the earth warms and begins the growth cycle again. Trees green, buds bloom, pollen flows, noses run…

   Ahhhhhh(choo!).

   “At the turn of the century, spring cleaning really was a thorough, top-to-bottom, scrubbing down of the house. All linens were stripped. Mattresses were aired out. Beds were taken apart and scrubbed clean. Closets were cleared. Everything got the once over. In this way, they hoped to fight back against vermin and viruses and keep the house healthy.”

   “Today, Spring Cleaning still means it's time to clear out and clean out. At this Full Moon, we turn to our houses and to ourselves and look at what needs clearing, what needs cleaning, what we've missed, and what we cherish. Choose a room in your house, open the windows, breathe in the warm air (take your Claritin before hand!). Open the doors, the drawers, the boxes, and cabinets. Take your bucket and brush and clean house!...”

   ...Owl ponders Spring and cleaning…

   Once again, the days grow longer, the Sun burns brighter, and fresh green shoots appear in the yard. The rains come, furiously scrubbing the garden, the paths, and the animals who live here with us. Mother Nature is cleaning house.. and once again I feel the urge to put my house in order. Once upon a time, I had the energy to tackle all the cleaning and sorting in a furious rush.. but now, as Crone, I find myself much more selective. What used to take an hour or two, now takes days to accomplish. So I sit and have a cup of coffee, and talk to Hecate. "Dear friend, what shall I tackle first?"..

   And she smiles and says.. "Choices.. we must all make choices. Choose your battles.. and make a plan."

   Oh great, another one of those advisory comments .

   So I choose to tackle the KITCHEN. No sense in asking her to help.. she'll just give me another question.. and we'll talk and NOTHING gets done. OK, this year I'll ask the Fey. They're always so energetic, and can make any task fun. So I put out a saucer of milk laced with brandy.. and bits of chocolate cake.. and sweetly cajole them to give me a hand when I need it.

   First step is a trip to the store, where I buy rolls of shelf lining. Narrow rolls for small drawers, wide rolls for shelves and baseboard cabinets. My dear husband rolls his eyes as we hit the checkout counter. Fifty dollars for shelf liner?! Can't you use newspaper? How about that bolt of fabric that's been laying around on the workbench in the basement? Well, yes, it is a bit moldy, but you could spray it with Febreze?? (Yes, he thinks he's being economically helpful).

   Now back at the house, I start taking things out of cupboards. Everything goes in the dishwasher. Average two loads per shelf. Now the shelves themselves are taken out, scrubbed, dried, and liner cut to fit. I get 2 cupboards done and I'm proud of myself. Only a dozen more to go, plus the nine drawers.

   Now I need the ladder to get to the top of the cupboards.. and once again, taking down those little used bowls, platters, and canisters. Two more loads to the dishwasher. Hmmm.. should I paint the wall up here?

   Nah.. maybe later.. maybe next year? When the platters and canisters go back up.. no one can see that wall anyway!

   Now see.. here's where the Fey come in to play. Really!.. They're making jokes!.. I'm trying to put all the stuff back in the cupboards.. but they don't fit!.. How does that work? They came out of there, they should fit back in.. but I have LEFTOVER STUFF!.. What now? OK.. I've got a big box.. leftover goes in there.. It is now a permanent fixture in my kitchen. A box of stuff that doesn't fit anymore. And in days to come, it will fill.

   Before doing more cupboards, I'll tackle a couple of drawers. The first, silverware, goes smoothly. The next, is GADGET DRAWER!.. Do I really need five large dippers? Six Spatulas? Bar-b-que tools? (Hey Will, you do the BBQ, find someplace to put these!) There are peelers, and pokers, and corers, and mashers and melon ballers, and garlic presses (one of which is clogged with sculpy clay), and assorted odd-shaped things I have no clue as to their use.

   OK, now I make rules.. If I don't know their use.. or I haven't used them in the five years we've been here.. I don't need them!.. Into THE BOX they go.

   And so it goes.. for the whole week.. clearing, sorting, scrubbing, lining.. and one day, I'm finished. I'm proud!.. I've really accomplished something!.. So how come no one notices? No one says.. "Hey, your cupboards look great!" or, "Your drawers are so neat!" or, "My, your oven is sparkling!"..

   I step out on the deck and look around at the greening of the Mountain. I see the sparkle of rain drops on glistening leaves. I smell the damp earth as the Sun reaches down through the layers to wake the seeds. I realize that I've taken it for granted.. and I call out.. Hey MOM, Hey DAD.. good job!.. Sometimes we don't see the efforts behind Spring Cleaning.

   Sometimes we forget to say thank you.. and sometimes, it's enough that WE know our house is in order.

   I place a large bowl of Irish Creme at the edge of the herb garden. Thanks to the Fey.. for making a chore into an adventure. A discovery of things forgotten, and sloughing off of things no longer used.

   This year, I'll be bringing my box of stuff to the Spring Gathering of the Tribes. There, we'll have a White Elephant sale to benefit Animal Shelters. Whatever is left over, will be donated to a group that provides emergency assistance to Pagan and Military families.

   So I really hope someone will get some use out of my kitchen gadgetry. There's a bread machine, in excellent condition (I can't use it anymore because of medical reasons), and a Fry Daddy (same reason), and a crock pot, and glassware, and gadgets, and baskets.. and, and..

   Oh, never mind.. you get the idea. Now does anyone have a suggestion what to do with this jar full of keys? I have no idea what locks they fit!...

   ...Feeling inspired by all this cleaning, Robin decides to take the plunge and join in…

   The past few years have been a Spring Cleaning cycle of sorts for me and my family. Not that long ago, less than a year, I found myself helping my husband and his sister sort through my mother-in-law's things (she has Alzheimer's and has been moved to an assisted-living home). Bits and pieces of her whole lifetime were laid out before us and then put into boxes to keep, to give to charity or another family member, to auction off, and to throw away. The three of us all had a similar thought regarding our own things and stuff: Simplify. One day, maybe not all that far off, our own children and family members will have to sort through our bits and pieces of life. Let's make it easier on them.

   Our youngest child is graduating from high school this year so we decided to buy a house in the country now that we no longer have to worry about school districts. We bought a smaller house in hopes of paring down, of having less Stuff, of simplifying our lives. The land is beautiful. The house was in bad shape, in need of lots of work and loving care. Over the past six months we've put in a great deal of sweat equity, infusing the house with our work and energy and love.

   When I packed to move, I sorted through our things. Bags and bags and bags (and more) of clothing went to a local shelter and GoodWill. Boxes and boxes and boxes of books were set aside for the local high school book sale. We gave things to our children, things we thought they might need or want, things useful and things with memories attached to them. We gave them things they have admired or liked or said they'd like to have someday. Why wait? Why not let them enjoy these things while we're here?

   And now, after a few weeks of living in our new home, I realize that we haven't simplified enough. There's still too much Stuff and I have no place to put it. We've been piling it in the spare room, the room that will be a small office for my husband and a guest bedroom for when we have visitors. Even in this short period of time, the room has become a dusty, disorganized mess.

   The day is warm and breezy, a cold front on its way later. I struggle to open the window (there's still lots of work to be done on the house and the windows are on the list). Like everything else in this house, the windows don't respond well to angry struggle. I take a deep breath and relax. I smile at the view of the sunlight glittering on the lake and try again.. the window opens effortlessly. I sometimes think the Fey are playing with me, holding things closed until I join in the play with a smile or a laugh or a sense of appreciation. The wind stirs up the dust and the motes dance in the light.

   I dust off the boxes and use a broom to sweep what I can see of the hardwood floor (not much with all this stuff piled up in here). I don't know where to start, what to do with what's left after the essentials of living were unpacked. Does that make them unessential?

   Yes, I think it does.. for some of it. I open a box of books and wonder why I saved and moved them. It's unlikely I'll reread them as these are not my treasured favorites. More books for the book sale.

   Here's a box filled with photo albums. We need to build some cupboards and shelves and have no place to put them until that's done. I decide to divide the attic into sections and I'll store them up there for now. I start shifting and organizing boxes and things to go up to the attic. They're now neatly stacked/placed in one corner. Moving along..

   Here's a box of trinkets and knickknacks, broken jewelry, beads, scarves, sea shells, rocks.. things saved for crafting or altar decoration. I think I'll take some of these shiny objects outside and decorate a tree for Beltane sometime soon. I move the box to the basement, near the back door (it's a walk-out type of basement). Whatever can't be used will be given away to an artist friend who collects just this sort of stuff for her sculptures.

   Back to the spare room.. I find a box of old photos that I've been meaning to organize. Inside a smaller box is a necklace my grandmother gave me, one I thought I'd lost. She died a few months ago and I've been wondering what happened to that necklace. Although I'm not dressed for pearls, I put it on. I think she'd laugh to see me in shorts, tank top, bare feet, and a pearl necklace.

   I stand up and look around, pleased with what I see. The room is now neat and clean. I no longer feel so overwhelmed by this mass of Stuff.

   I leave the room, walking to the front of the house, and step outside to enjoy what's left of this lovely day. The sun will be setting soon and it looks as though the storm is going to hold off long enough for us to see the moonrise. As I wait, I silently give thanks for the many blessings in my life.. and the lessons in simplicity. As I begin to enter the Crone stage of life, all that was complicated suddenly seems, well.. a little less complicated.. now that I've lifted some of the clutter from my life on many levels...

   ...pombagira wonders, ponders, and decides to have a go at it as well…

   “where did all these clothes come from? there's no way i bought all these clothes. even though i'm a dedicated secondhand shopper. the deeper i go into the closet, the more there are. a tangle of sleeves waving their empty arms at me. and i haven't worn anything but jeans and a sweatshirt for almost two years now ("yes, your hands are all sandy now. here, wipe them off on mama.")

   it's late at night, my only time to myself, and i'm using it to clean out closets. sheesh. but you can get to a point where you're actually looking forward to it. you can just feel how good it will be to toss that stuff.

   size seven shorts? did i ever wear a size seven? i did, because i have a picture of myself in these, climbing a mountain. my hips will simply never be that size again, despite all the exercise. i liked that body. i wish i'd enjoyed it more while i had it, instead of wasting time feeling fat!.. into the trash pile with fretting about body image. that's not something i want to donate to anyone. goddess kwan yin, if you could just gift us with some compassion for ourselves, please.

   this can go into the trash, too. i can't believe this thing was supposed to make me feel sexy. it reminds me of being a little girl and getting dressed up in all those scratchy petticoats and being too uncomfortable to enjoy the party. religions and societies used to shame people into negating their sexuality. now it's done through tv and magazines, pushing the notion that sex is only for the young and waifish and siliconed and steroided. those with tummies need not get into the game. so into the trash pile with unrealistic, uncomfortable, unreachable standards. goddess venus, help us discover our own, unique sexual magic.

   oh, my goddess!.. a whole box of ritual clothes!.. how long has it been since i've worn any of those? well, i'm going to keep them. maybe i should move them into a drawer instead of keeping them in the back of the closet. even if there's no one to do ritual with, and no time, maybe i can just get dressed up anyway. just try it. just for my own entertainment for a change. goddess pombagira, bring us your laughter and sense of humor.

   oh geez. look at this whole bag of craft supplies. it just reminds me of all the things i haven't done, the embroidery on the baby outfits and the baby scrapbook.. well, the guilt can go into the trash, but the day-care center can probably use the supplies. there's no point in having them sit around waiting for a someday when they could be having fun with them. mother goddess, mother us, too.

   now the bedroom is crowded with goddesses instead of junk. thank you for joining us, ladies. please don't let me forget that even a little magic, even if i feel like there's no point to it, can make a big difference.

   and there are many more rooms to tackle...

   ...Shari works in sales, so her car, a silver PT Cruiser named Esmerelda, is her rolling office…

   I'm in the car easily 2/3 of my time during the week. Unfortunately, because of this- things pile up in there sometimes. (Ok, they pile up a LOT) As I'm driving home, exhausted (you'd be surprised how tiring talking about shampoo and hair color all day can be..) at least twice when I brake for a red light, various things roll out from under my seat. (maybe I should brake more gently) Still- this is getting ridiculous. The sun is out- the days are suddenly longer- and it's time to clean out this car!!!

   I park in the driveway, and after running inside to change into jeans and a t-shirt, and grabbing a roll of trash bags and a few empty boxes- (yes, there's that much stuff..) I head back out to the car and fling open all the doors. First things first- Removing my "woo-woo bag" from the turn signal lever, I remove the hematite stone from the bag and place it in the sunlight to cleanse and re-charge. Beside it goes a small stone that was inscribed by my drum teacher for me. Carefully I take down the various frou-frous and talismans hanging from the mirror. A Lapis bead & wire pentacle, (for clear communication- essential in sales!) a tiny, beaded djembe pendant, a pewter 'goddess' pentacle, my cute little 'car witch', and a bottle of blue fairy dust. Each gets carefully dusted, the cords untangled and re-hung.

   Next, out come all the CDs that are stuffed into every possible crevice- door pockets, behind & between the seats, in the visors.. Sorting through them, I choose a few, place them in a small CD holder that will be returned to the car, and the rest go in the box for the house. (this is the 'keep' box) Also in the keep box go about six pair of sunglasses- leaving three in the car. (ok, I like sunglasses.)

   Snapping open a trash bag, I grab all the 'stuff' that clutters the floor, both front and back. Empty water bottles, gum wrappers, notes & memos, old order forms, and all the deal sheets that are outdated. (FEBRUARY?? I still have this from FEBRUARY??) There are LOTS of those. The big bag is filling up fast. While I m at it, I take the box that holds the current deal sheets and info, sort thru that & throw out all the stuff that is getting crumpled and unusable- and set the box on the grass till the rest of the job is done. Next is the box of samples. From this I carefully remove all the things that I still need to keep with me to show customers, then the items I have to return to the company go in the 'keep' box. Next I start a pile of products that I can either give to friends or to some of my customers as "thank-yous. Shampoo, the newest hair-goo, a couple boxes of hair color- all go in this box. Nail polish can go to the women's shelter. Some of this stuff will become door prizes at our Pagan Pride event this fall. Wait- there's also a jacket in here that was meant for the Goodwill box and never got there!!.. That goes in the 'donate' box too.

   Now, it's time to do the console and glove box. Out go the brushwood parking pass for '02, and my 'seasonal camper '02' badge. Why do I keep this stuff? A couple of half melted chapsticks, a NASTY color of lip gloss that we don't even sell (what was I thinking?) a bunch more gum wrappers- and is that really *chocolate*??

   Eeeewww!.. WAIT!.. I found my jade bracelet!!.. And a great pair of pentacle earrings with spiders on them!..(took them off on my way to a meeting with a client- then forgot where I put them!) Oh- here's a sweet note from an old boyfriend that is now a dear friend.. a few business cards.. ok, the console is finally empty. Checking under the seats, I make sure that all the crumpled papers are picked up, all the stray pens are placed back in the zipper bag where they belong, loose change is gathered and placed in the change holders for the meter-monsters. After all the 'stuff' is removed, and the things I need for my work are neatly sitting beside the car waiting to be put back in for tomorrow's clients, I go over and pick up my hematite. Holding it in my hand, I re-charge it, visualizing the shielding and protection it represents- then carefully place it back in its bag and put the bag back on the turn signal lever. I then retrieve the inscribed stone, hold it for a moment and visualize the strength, focus and determination that it symbolizes, and return it to its place on the dash.

   All is well- I am organized for tomorrow and I have re-energized my work space. Before I put my work stuff back in the car- I drive over to the car wash, where I pay them a little extra to vacuum and detail the inside (now that it's empty) as well as spit-shine the outside of the car.

   What- you didn't think I'd wash and wax it *myself* didja? (might break a nail!...)

   ...Adrianna considers this all to be just in time!...    I sat with my bare feet in my Women's Circle watching the moon come up. Had to touch base with all the Spring things coming up through the ground and opening up into flower. Then thought about all the Stuff that had to be cleared out of the Building so that it is seriously ready for gatherings outside and in.. and felt a little overwhelmed. Want to play and Beltane frolic!.. Not be inside cleaning now that it's warm, birds and frogs having a hey day and all the flowers and trees burgeoning - blossoming!.. Hard to stick to business. So, with the community spirit of this full moon cleaning and clearing began.. First moved massage tables and sitting chairs, tables, and lamps, and so on back into the section that will turn into the healing work area. Started getting ideas of design once the physical movement.. clearing.. organizing started to happen. My friend, Harvey, says he has windows and doors I can get to create either interesting, original art, window-walls and doors to the outside, or traditional glass patio type doors where there are old garage type doors now. This opens into a secluded East and South garden-suddenly started seeing where Kwan Yin and some evergreens and a few other odds and ends might go. Reminded myself that there was clearing to do first (well maybe cheated on the clearing just a little to jot notes of what might be- maybe play with that in frolicking time) Sorted through things donated in the Fall and Winter that were carried into the Hall/Big Room. Loaded the things to go to Goodwill and similar groups into the van. Looks like we're moving somewhere loaded above the windows. Starting to look good in the Hall.. like maybe we'll be ready for Beltane. Moved out the donated couches to a different part of the building where a classroom/ gathering room is being made. Moved all the little odds and ends of Art things and magazines for cutting, donated for people to work with, into the craft room.. sorted beads. Kept filling a barrel to slide out to the dumpster.. building material cleared away.. other things that needed to be dumped. Surprising how much stuff piles up in a building over the Winter!.. Suddenly thought of where to put all the Herb and Plant shop things where they can be their own little shop. Will take Harvey up on his offer of windows and doors to put light and actuality to this shop where there is another lift up garage door. To seal the intent moved all the herbs, plants and boxes of flower pots someone brought into that space. Disconnected the refrigerator that died this week and my son-in-law hauled it away. Thanks for this Full Moon Ritual!.. I needed it to get moving!.. Was tempted to just keep the doors locked and do it in a never manana!.. Thanks for good company and the kick in the butt to get going, and thanks to the Lord and Lady for the timing as the Wheel brings in what is needed! Amazing how many things are possible once you clear!...

   ...Boudica stood at the top of the stairs, looking down into the black abyss. She flicked the light switch and a bare bulb somewhere down there came on, and created stark shadows on the walls.

   As she went down the steep stairs, garbage bags in tow, she could smell the damp, and the musty smell all basements have. The stairs creaked, dust all over, and the spiders.. well, the spiders were doing their spider thing all over the place.

   She got to the bottom of the stairs, the floor was covered with stuff, but nothing wet. This was a good sign. She had the dumpster strategically positioned outside one of the basement windows. She was going to turn this into a usable workspace, but it needed to be worked over. She flung open the windows to get the smells out and the fresh air in.

   The basement has been a place to collect things that were broken, old, useless or just not wanted anymore. It has become the domain of the spiders and mice, and the occasional cat who got in thru a broken window looking for warmth or a stray mouse or a place to lurk in the shadows. The lord of this underworld, however, was the spider. She was all over the place, in all corners, her and her offspring, sitting silently, spinning their webs, living their lives out of the site of all others.

   She started rummaging through the mess and decided she needed a course of action. She looked around and asked assistance of those little dwarfs who dig through mountains and earth to uncover those things that were hidden. She started with the newspapers and magazines. An old box became the new storage for these paper things that could to go be recycles. As she filled a box, she slid it out the basement window. Trash, that was a different response. Old bottles of washing detergent, rusted empty cans, broken household items that could not be given away in a flea market, they went into the trash bags, and would find new homes in the dumpster.

   Broken chairs, out the window. Old baby stroller, ripped and bent and rusted, out the window. Broken old handbags, funny hats.. first they got tried on, laughed at, and tossed into the trash bags.. An old mirror, with raggedy edges, still hanging on the wall, now giving the appearance of a funhouse mirror. That I will keep, its fun and I remember when it was given to me. Older than old, a memento of times gone by.

   A trunk, buried under some broken chairs, opens to reveal some clothes neatly wrapped in plastic, clean and still fresh. You could smell the dryer sheet that was packed with these clothes to keep them from smelling like they had been in storage. She carefully took the clothes out, and looked at them. She must have been in her late teens or early 20's when she last wore these. A memory of times gone by. Funny how fashion comes back around again and again. These were put in a bag and would be taken upstairs to be washed and donated.

   Further along, another box, and again, clothes. These were baby clothes, worn by her son. Donations also to the local shelter. Wait.. what's this? She opens a bag and inside is.. Pooh Bear.. her son's. She didn't think he was still around. Holding it to her, she found a not too badly broken chair and sat down. Memories of her son growing up, times spent together, this poor Pooh Bear being dragged around by his ear. He spent many years in her son's room, right up to when they sold the house. All these things were packed away and sent to the basement for storage. Now, memories of good times, of growing up.. and then flashes back to her own childhood, her own growing up. The dwarfs had helped her find a treasure here.

   Broken light bulbs, screwdrivers once thought lost, some clothes that really could not be salvaged.. lots of things to go through. But wait.. what is this..

   Memories of a time gone by. A prom picture. She was young, he was handsome. A crushed and now falling to dust flower from her corsage. Long ago, and far away. It was actually not a happy time. Memories of that time, how she looked for escape into a world of fantasy. This was not dreaming, this was a search for escape. It only got deeper from there. She had kept that picture for many years, feeling it was probably the bright spot in her troubled younger life, but it was only a false impression of a some more serious problems.

   She recognized this now. And she realized it was hard to break with that part of her life. It had taken many years of therapy and much of her young adult life to get past the events of her life at that time. But she had embraced the troubles, and forgiven, and moved on.

   She went to the garbage bag and placed the picture in the bag. No more fooling herself. No more dreaming of things that are cover-ups for deeper problems. One last look. He was handsome. She had recently run across his picture on the web somewhere, he was on the staff of a college in North Carolina somewhere, has a wife and kids all grown up. We move on, beyond those things, and look back only to remember the lessons we learned, not the fantasies we tried to fool ourselves into. He has gotten older too.

   She turned around, and looked at the space that was clutter and dust earlier, now is open spaces, neatly stacked bags and now there was room for a new life. The basement would provide space for her new venture, a new project, a new path she was pursuing. She would leave here, knowing she was ready to face the world again, with renewed hopes and ambitions.

   She found the other lights, and placed fresh bulbs in them, lighting up the area as it has not seen in years. Some sweeping and the place was ready for the work area she had intended. The lord of that underworld, however, would not be chased out. She receded to the darker corners, waiting for the next time the clutter would take over, and she would be able to expand to the now cleared and brightened area.

   Boudica trudged up the stairs with the bags. They were deposited in the laundry room for washing later. She went to the driveway and started piling the junk into the dumpster.

   The sun was setting. She was dirty, but happy. The basement was cleared out and now it was time to sit in a hot shower and then some wine and dinner. She went back into the house.. Pooh Bear was sitting on the kitchen table. She picked him up, and the two of them went upstairs to the shower...

   ...and while Boudi spent time with the beloved arachnids, Deer opened the trap which leads to the attic. A similar yawning chasm of darkness, lit by the light of a single bare bulb, but this time high overhead, dry and hot.

   Climbing the ladder and poking his head through the now opened trap. Like the basement yet different, the attic has been a place to collect - but not things broken, useless or unwanted. Many odors came to him - old clothes, old books, a hint of plastic (from the pile of toys in one corner). The ladder shook lightly as he ascended. Deer shook a bit more upon hitting the heat - easily a hundred degrees even this early in Spring. Dry and hot, but spiders abound here as well. Deer looks about and is pleased to see a mama Wolf with her hundreds of young riding about on her abdomen. "Peace, sister. And thanks for warding this place."

   Deer chose a collection and begin to sort through.. books. Books in brick and block shelves, books in boxes, more books in uneven piles about the floor. Books.. knowledge.. power.. memories. Deer first pulls all from their shelves, to allow for organizing the ones he'll keep. Then he sorts through the ones from college - chemistry, medicinal chemistry, pharmaceutics, physics, math, anthropology, zoology, classics - and can not bring himself to deploy any of them. So the top shelf will be education, and he neatly places the college texts there. One however, comes back down. A course syllabus and notes for "Themes in Classical Literature - the Hero on a Journey." He fondly remembered reading, with Dr, Reckford, the "Odyssey", the "Aeneid", "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight", and (the old guy obviously saved the best for last) "The Hobbit". This bore re-examination. And so to the pile, hopefully small, destined for the den. Next the boxes of novels, collected between high school and the birth of his eldest. Deer knew well that, should he begin to go through them individually, he'd not part with a single one. He also knew that any novel he was likely to reread was cased in the den already, so he resolved to take all these cases straight to the truck for disposal, and piled them by the trap. Finally, Deer looked with some dismay on the dozens and dozens of binders lying haphazardly about on the shelves and the floor. Notes from all his degrees, each draft of his thesis and several other research papers. Why he'd kept these all these years Deer wasn't sure. Not laziness, as he'd moved twice with them. But now, they are by the trap to go as well. Hauling these down, he puts the books in the truck for give away, the binders in trash boxes waiting in the greenhouse for disposal. Along with the books that he'll leave at the county recycling and exchange, Deer decides that his donation this spring will be one of time and expertise - in web weaving for Kathryn's new school as they've been having issues with their current website.

   Books done, Deer turns to the many items of clothing hung from a half-dozen ten foot poles strung between the rafters. Children's Easter dresses.. old suits.. Mary's hippy clothes from the 70's.. all neatly hung and waiting to be worn again. As Deer contemplates sorting through them - which to keep and which not - he remembers Mary's mother's attic. Elegant dresses from Europe and Japan of the 1940s and 1950s, ladies suits from the 1960s. All there, all kept by a woman married to a lifer in the Army despite the many moves they'd made. And, in the mid 1980's when Mary had finally decided that many of them would both fit and be fashionable on her, they were horrified upon a visit home. Mary asked for the beloved collection, only to be told "I wish you'd come week before last!.. We had a yard sale and cleared the entire attic." No, these would stay. Especially the collection of travelogue tee-shirts they'd collected during camping vacations with the girls, which ranged from being sized for infants to young teenagers. Deer feels a pang as he turns to the remaining area to be cleaned, a new awareness that most of what hangs here goes far beyond memory.. outward appearances. The business suit, the patched jeans, the travelogue tees - all, whether purposefully or not, presented a specific facade to those whose lives surrounded his family. And in this, Deer knew what to discard of himself. Shedding masks is a task to be done repetitively, as we all grow them over and over and over again. And Deer resolves to work his way out of another layer of public presentation over the coming months, to look in a deeper way at what is himself and what is display, to try to bring the outer Deer more in sync with the inner one.

   Finally, Deer turns to the remaining corner, piled high with toys interspersed with old stereo equipment. He sets about the work of sorting. A Pony Palace, complete with about 50 "My Little Ponies". The pool is broken, spires gone from the roof tops. Most of the furniture is either broken or gone. Decisions.. ponies to a box to keep (even though they'll probably dry rot before grandchildren are interested in them), palace and furniture to the trash box. Next come the cradles given by grandmothers for dollies, along with several old and tattered dolls. More decisions.. all trash. Now stereo equipment - two Sony Reel-to-Reels, a pair of Boston Acoustics speakers, a couple of Yamaha and Sony amps.. more stuff Deer wasn't sure why he'd kept, except that it had all cost so much new that even old and in disrepair it had been too precious to dispose of. No longer. All of it went down the ladder, to the greenhouse and into the trash boxes. After the climb back up, Deer was face to face with the final items - Pee Wee's Playhouse complete with action figures of Pee Wee, Cowboy Curtis, Miss Yvonne, the Mail Lady, Chairy, Magic Screen and lots of assorted accessories. This was just WAY TOO MUCH. Had been too many years, and Deer was ready to commune with spirits ostracized by society. Like a kid, he sat down cross-legged in front of the playhouse and began to set it up. The more he put in place, the more it became like watching the videos - only better. Because now, he wasn't watching. He was IN the playhouse - almost as though he'd jumped into Magic Screen and wound up here. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

   In the heat, Deer had completely lost track of the time as he enjoyed little kid games with all the inhabitants of the playhouse. A draft of cool air from brought him around, however, and he heard Mary on the ladder asking when he'd be done. "In a jiffy," was his reply as he began packing up the playhouse. Tucking it into a sheltered corner, he knew this was a keeper. This particular set had just given Deer something he'd not realized losing touch with.. playfulness. Sure, he'd always been able to play. Lord's Antlers, he could exasperate even the most patient adult with his childishness. But this was different. Not just childish play, but child-like play. A strength regained. An outlook on the world which is - all rolled into one - boisterous, riotous, inattentive, happy, manic, completely submersed, completely protected and (regardless of the appearance to others) completely protective. Deer noticed the mama wolf watching with amusement from the rafter above his head. "Thank you little sister. Today you've done far more than ward this space. I feel the mark of your weaving in what's just transpired in me and the playhouse. And for that I can never repay you."

   Deer heads down the ladder, pulling the trap door closed above him. He feels more clear, more youthful, stronger (in body and odor) than before today began. After putting the ladder away and making a few runs to the recycling center, Deer enjoys a long soak in the tub and a delicious dinner with his family - all the while thinking of the friends who are likewise participating in this month's full moon activities...

   ...Jess stands up, muscles creaking in protest. All that hauling and lifting and then sitting down for so long (ok, so I had two beers, I earned them!) and now her muscles have stiffened. Two questions pop into her head after all this cleaning and clearing: How did I end up with so much stuff? And why did I hold on to it all?

   Some things accumulate simply because we forget we have them. Some hold a precious memory. Some we wish we'd never seen (like my prom dress, OY!). By clearing out, we rid ourselves of those things we need not hold onto: anger, sorrow, stress. We can marvel at how far we've come. More importantly, we can make room for things ahead.

   Jess carries the empty bottles into the house, depositing them in the recycling bin. Time for a shower.