In a grad program for teaching...
Although I am aware of other people's annoying habit of saying "um," it appears that I have caught the disease myself! I have been catching myself saying it recently--several times a day! This is ironic because I always notice other people saying it, and I often tell my students to correct this flaw.
I just emailed a long lost instructor pal from this summer. I hope he writes back. Since we have the same content area, I thought it would be nice if I stole some of his great ideas and activities. Let's see what happens.
Well, it has happened. The nightmare materialized. It's true, and it's reality. Today, I found out that a student in my mentor class has dropped out of school. Am I surprised? No. Not really. I could tell that this individual was special. I knew he was failing class. I knew I was going to need to make an extra effort with this student. I knew it, and I was ready. My mentor teacher said that she had offered this student extra opportunities to hand in work. She also told me the missing piece of the puzzle. This student's homelife sucks!
Alcoholic and abusive father. I'm in shock. I was ready to act upon this situation when I became his teacher, but it was too late. School failed this individual. School was supposed to be a buffer zone, a safe place, an institution to intervene, but in this case, the intervention simply wasn't enough. I feel like someone has died. Another 16 year old has walked away from school. My mentor teacher says that perhaps this is a good thing. Now this person can do what he wants--enlist in the national guard and begin a new life. We were told that this individual has plans to obtain a G.E.D. from a community college--or so we have been told. Who will follow up with this teenager? I strongly believe everyone should receive a high school degree. College is not for everyone, but everyone needs atleast a high school foundation. What will happen to this former student? Who will care for this person like I, as a teacher, was planning to care?
Yes, kids drop out everyday. It's no big deal. Right? --Wrong! Dropouts rarely ever become successful beings. It is extremely difficult to earn a decent wage without a high school degree. I can see this former student out on some street corner late at night hanging out with some raunchy looking women, or perhaps worse, I can see this person in a combat uniform holding a machine gun out in some far eastern place being shot dead. Who will be there to intervene now that this person has no teachers or parents to care? Someone needs to care.
Today I presented a lesson plan in front of my grad peers, and they had to critique me. Several people commented that I shouldn't be so "scared" and that I should speak confidently without referring to my notes. Allow me to give context. I had said something about advances in technology, and someone asked about the different kinds of advances. I did not know the answer because my mentor teacher covered that part, so I said something creative. I can't remember what. After that comment, I suppose unconsciously, I felt the need to look at my notes every so often. Next, they said I spoke in somewhat of a monotone. Ok, this is nooooooooooot true (see, the many o's convey my varied intonation). I place emphasize on different words all the time. Perhaps what they are saying is "Get a new voice." Another said to be more enthusiastic. Well, quite frankly Mexican battles aren't that interesting! Who really cares? Right? It's my job to connect this antiquated material with hip, modern topics. Some times I will have an extra kick in my step, and other days I won't. Sounding enthusiastic all the time is fake (like some of those old fogeys in my class!). Similarly, creating a hook for students every day is not necessary. Think about it. Is it really possible to make school a fun, exciting place, where kids scream in delight about historical knowledge and jump for joy when they hear the words "Seventeenth Ammendment." I think not. What kids really want is down time with their peers. Us, teachers, can use this to our advantage by creating lesson plans with the golden words "GROUP WORK." There is their enthusiasm!
The other day we discussed the wonderous wisdom of Ms. Nel Noddings. Her work on care was enlightening to say the least. My only critique is that I wished I found her work earlier!
I have made many failed attempts at caring relationships. It would be fair to say that some people do not like me, because I have actually cared too much, or showed too much interest in them. I have learned not to overextend myself, and because of this self-taught reduced caring I forgot the joy of it. To care is simple, but if others do not understand your care, then they typecast you as "weird" (such has been my life over the past few months). I developped a non-caring attitude, not a hate filled one, but just an isolationist one. I guess I was/am a loner at more times than not. The point being, I lacked care or forgot how to care in decent, small amounts. Perhaps what really happened to me was that I was barking up the wrong proverbial tree in the love department. What I thought to be caring for others was perceived as "Why are you singling me out? Why do you want to talk to ME?" Perhaps, it's those other people that need care the most, because they strongly misinterpreted my interest in them as something negative or out of place.
Thanks to Nel, I have realized how much fun caring is. It IS all around us. One does not need to search for long to find care because it's everywhere--a simple smile to stranger on the street, a "Thank You" to a city busdriver, an openning of a door, etc. etc. etc.
Nel speaks of the term--relational disengagement, or the breaking off of a caring relation. This is something I wish I knew years ago! We all have those distant people of our past that we no longer contact for one reason or another. One person of my past tried to become a person of my present, though it didn't quite work out. We both had changed. We spent 4 years a part. What I didn't know was that the second go around COULD BE A DIFFERENT TYPE OF RELATION. Instead of being best buddies again, we could have tried being weekend pals or something slightly above peers. But NO! It's didn't work out, because I thought we had to be best friends again like the last time. Our bridge has been burned twice so far. Without the possibility of being rebuilt a third time. These things happen. And perhaps for a good reason. I am now more aware of caring for others, and if a similar situation arises, I will be ready to forgive and be flexible for the second shot at relation building.
Well, today I was under a particular crunch time trying to meet with 2 professors. Tomorrow I'm giving my lesson #3 to my AP class, and my greatest fear is that one (if not all) of these kids will raise some inane fact, name, date, etc., that I, the supposed history whiz, know nothing about. I can get away with teaching the honors folks because they ask simple questions such as, "What does it mean to pass the bar?" or "What does incumbent mean?" But these AP kids are really tough. They read every night, and they have questions--real questions.
So, as I was trying to prepare an activity, I found some nice documents to occupy them for 15 minutes. The only thing was that I had to leave the library and head to my first rendezvous of the afternoon. If I left the materials where they should have been kept, then someone else may have taken them. My only choice in the matter--clearly-- was to steal the materials, or as I like to refer to it as "kindly borrow items for a short duration." Yes, I stole the materials, but I did feel bad about it. I wasn't able to bring them back to their original location until 2 hours later.
Some people resort to little white pills when they are stressed, whereas, I tend to err on illegality and simply steal.
What a weird situation has befallen me today. In Methods we are videotaping each other's lesson plans, and it just so happened that I was sitting in the view of the camera. As one of my classmates was fumbling with the camera, he kindly informed me that my head was going to be in the shot. After I moved to a far away spot, he tells me that my "full-bodied hair would have been filmed." I think this is a compliment, albeit it came about in the most bizarre way.
Last week, I reluctantly told my students who I planned to vote for. Despite the unwritten rule or law, which states that teachers should not tell this information, I told. It was friday when my mentor teacher was at the blood drive all day, and we had a sub, a nice older adult. He was tall, sported a pony tail, and spoke with a deep voice. When some students asked him, he admitted his prefered party. When students complained about his choice, he began to tell them his explaination. I whole-heartedly agreed with this man, but I felt reserved from jumping in joy. I pretended to continue grading papers as I listened with my ears pointed up. This dude must have been watching and apparently mentally tape recording the very same debate I had watched and tape recorded. I still use elements of that particular debate when defending my stance.
So, back to me... Students noticed I was in the room, and one of braver ones asked me who I was rooting for. I hesitated at first. You know the unwritten law. After mumbling for a few seconds, I felt compelled to answer the question properly. I did, and then followed with "Perhaps I can talk to you about this later...." Well, we didn't get a chance to discuss anything, because the next time I saw them was the day they were scheduled to take a test. Also the day that I took an early strive towards the parking lot. Don't worry, my mentor teacher said I could. I'm also doing well with required internship hours, so I took off for the weekend (though without further explaining my views).
Ah, November 2, Election Day... This day in history marked my very first active election day. Never had I seemed interested in voting before, but this year was different. This time things mattered. I was actually vested in this election. I contributed 4 bucks for some not so conservative signs and bumper stickers.
As it worked out, I was one of the last voters in my polling place. Tuesdays are the worst for me. In order to vote on time before 7:30pm, I had to cut my tutoring session early. The family understood, and I promised that I would make up the time on thursday.
The other day I found out my mentor teacher's political views and prefered candidate. This was a shocker because I heard that there was some unwritten rule about not telling students this information. My conclusion is people are polarized to vote depending on which side of the coin they are--Are they military siders, or are they innocent people supporters? A bit unfortunate though.
Well, what can I say about me? I want to teach high school history, yet I look like a teenager myself. I am in the process of observing my student-teaching placement in a rural school setting.
