1) You're sitting on a quilted bed with one sock off, cracking your toes in a Morse code attempt at contacting home, because you never did wear shoes with ruby heels. A man walks in naked except for the glass of water he holds to cover himself, but you can't drink without a straw. Do you:

a) Break the glass against the vanity mirror in hopes of seeing your reflection in two forms (solid and liquid) before you grab your nylons in an "It's been a gas" farewell.

b) Jump in the glass and swim from side to side banging your rumpled head in hopes of not being able to think why you're here.

c) Tell him to close his eyes, slip the glass under his nose, and hope he breathes in enough water to make your escape unheard.

d) Be yourself and swallow uncomfortably.

2) You're riding in a steamy elevator to the 13th floor, which is reassuringly called the penthouse, when the ground jerks to a stop. A suit enters and you laugh "gray was so three years ago," but then a look at your black patent leathers reveals they've begun to fade. Do you:

a) Push the alarm button and get the opportunity to tell the man in gray that the color of his suit doesn't have to be the color of his life.

b) Pick up the red phone because you could have sworn it was ringing in your ears the way the Samson United Methodist Church would announce the day.

c) Use the heel of your shoe to coerce the gray suit from him, so that you can step into the penthouse a man without woe.

d) Be yourself and get off on the 13th floor, walking quietly in loud shoes.

3) You're staring through your oldest friend's sprayed hair over a rocking table in a chain restaurant that desires originality. You hear her talking, but catch only every fifth word, which just happens to be "like," and wonder how you could have ever really liked her. At the table next to you, a redheaded 3-year-old reaches over to grab a handful of your friend's hair the way an old man would pick an unripe apple. Do you:

a) Pull a handful of the child's hair out, and pet it lovingly, like your first kitten, which was hit by a car after your red head brother cut its whiskers off.

b) Think how you'd like to plant seven little red heads in your own back yard, and jar them every summer to use through the year to spread on toast or baking pies that you'd enter at the county fair just to see old ladies eat little red head cobbler.

c) Throw five dollars down, shaking the table, and walk out, hair flowing behind you, smiling at the fact that your hair still moves even in the stale air of a family restaurant.

d) Be yourself and say nothing, while thinking much more.

4) Do you?