Every day I am the witness to a plethora of extraordinary events and opportunities. Every day the fact that so many people are either blind to these events or lack the courage to snatch up these opportunities grieves me terribly. I was also once too weak in spirit to pursue the gifts life so graciously offered. I was, that is, until the fateful day that life offered such a sweet morsel of tender fortune that I would have forever cursed my earthly soul if I had let the opportunity slip me by. This is the story of that day; the story of the day that I was transformed from a timid, unassuming boy into the heroic pioneer on the field of veterinary surgery who I am today.

In my early youth I held a deep love for the study of animals. I wanted nothing more than to dedicate my life to provide alleviation of pain for all beasts of the land, air, and sea. Unfortunately, it was an unprofessed dream. I never told anybody of my secret longing because of the paranoid fear that my most sacred wishes would incur the ridicule of my family and peers. Dwelling in my miserable agony, I feared that my talent and yearning would all go to waste, victims of an insatiable curiosity that would never be calmed or pursued.

How lucky I was the day that Clyde made a most unusual find in his backyard. Clyde was my neighbor, a boy of about the same age as I who loved nothing more than to spend his summer hours digging in his backyard with a shovel while dreams of one day becoming a multi-millionaire oil tycoon burned in his head like the earth-polluting fossil fuel he was so sure would be the basis of his wealth. One hot July morning, while digging as usual, Clyde's shovel struck something with the strangest texture it had ever struck. It was leathery, somewhat spongy in areas, with thick hair covering its surface, and areas that couldn't be mistaken for anything but bone underneath. It was exceedingly large. Nevertheless, his curiosity prompted him to dig the entire thing up, though he doubted that this spot would yield any rich cache of oil. At about the same time that he finished his arduous task, I stepped outside for a brisk evening walk.

Blessed gatherers of pollen lay thy sweet honey upon my ready lips! I proclaimed in an ecstasy that has sadly been unequaled since, for there before my gaping eyes lay the most beautiful sight mankind is likely ever to behold -- the nigh-perfect mummy of an ancient mastodon! Splendid in its Pleistocene glory, this jewel of paleontology was like to a lush desert oasis in the eye of a weary traveler quick to partake of its life-giving gift of sweet water. When I had caught my breath, I ran over to Clyde's yard and begged him to give me his marvelous mastodon. Understandably, he wasn't prepared to part with his mastodon for nothing. I offered him my coveted Radio-Flyer wagon if he would help me use it to transport the beast to my yard. He agreed, but demanded that I trade over my little brother to help him dig in the yard and make up for all the lost time it took to excavate the mastodon. How could I not agree?

This was the moment I had always dreamed of. Now, more than ever, I knew that it would be utter folly to deprive myself of this rare chance to study for myself the complex innards of a perfect animal specimen. Working up all the courage in my little heart, I borrowed my mother's cutlery and began the dissection of my unearthed pachyderm. How can I communicate the joy, the sheer delight of chopping such a monster into itty bitty bits as offerings to my altar of a microscope? Calmly ignoring the neighbor's laughter and my parents' foolhardy insistence that I immediately discard that filthy piece of rotted animal flesh, I valiantly worked on into the night, heedless of my instinctive cravings for food or rest. By the time the sun rose I had single-handedly learned the manifold secrets of the mastodon's intricate physiology.

This experience was a turning point in my life. My heroic efforts resulted in an education no fortune could ever buy. From that day forward I have pursued my interest in veterinary surgery ruthlessly. My expertise has saved the lives of countless tapirs, thylacines, ocelots, bonobos, dugongs, capybaras, and other helpless mammals. Never again will I deny myself what I know is my destiny. That day will be immortalized in history, and, like the flame of black gold that now burns over Clyde's industrial nature-rape, my noble calling to look out for the good of mastodons and other innocent animals everywhere will live on forever!