Last Week's Question - Apparently cows are an ancient symbol of fertility (at least, that's what I'm told). German myths had a goddess pulled in a chariot by cows. Yep, cows are mighty special. But somewhere along the line they've had a great downfall in eyes of western civilization. How is it that cows (who used to tug goddesses around in carts) now just are meat and milk machines? What has happened? Is this some sort of grand cosmic joke?

Marc A - This has to be one of the most disjointed, staccatoed qwestion ever constructed by a literate and articulate person. And now to the sublime and ethereal answer.

Western humans have not been (oversized, as pop media would have you believe. On the contrary, we have been demonized and undersized. That is why everything is so big: bridges, buildings, tunnels, malls, hard drives, SUV's, Galaxy C-5A's and garbage pails. Look at Silly Saddam's Republican Guard (Did you know VP Cheney named them that name in 1982 when we also gave the Irokeez a form of HIV spread by air [sneezing, coughing, humidifiers, ionic air purifiers and steam kettles]for their biological arsenal? Look it up if you don't believe me.) So this is your typical Republican Party ploy to make the rich richer and the poor frozen dead. They gave us (Dick Nixon, Spyroo Agnoo, and morbidly obese America. Under EVERY Republican administration, the average weight of American's has increased .86% per year. Democrats, howsoever, have left office with an average weight gain of .69% (a Clintonism, btw). So dear qwestioner, the answer is not a "cosmic joke" but a conspiracy by the Elite Republican Party Party Guard to make poor Americans fat and die sooner rather than later. Don't forget the Republican Partyıs Mission Statement: Who needs 'em? Give 'em big fries, a double cheese whopper and an extra grande coca cola, and make their heating oil expensive. We need room to roam.

Thank you, (applause), thank you very much.

Mark D - It's not that they've had a downfall, it's that the "cows" of ancient times have evolved into what we now call "chipmunks." Ah, yes, the chipmunk. The majestic creatures which we now worship in our everyday life. Those cute furballs which have attained perfection. And so the question arises, where did our modern-day cows come from? The answer is, of course, Berlin.

Linda D - This may not be the smartest answer or even the proper one , But cows obviously are much needed for milk as well as food and in the ancient days would they eat steak or dogs ? with each Century I hope we become smarter but I have my doubts! but to cart around a person verses giving milk or food well lets see what do you think?

Justin S - Just meat and milk machines? NO SIR! I love everything that comes from thine sacred bovine. Hamburgers, steaks, ground chuck in general, and then there are all the WONDERFUL dairy products! Just because I don't associate cows with goddesses doesn't mean I don't love them to an insane degree. Cows still hold a valued place in society...just a different kind of place.

David W - I think, to farmers, cows are still sacred. To consumers of meat it's just another burger, with "cheese," for the most part. This, probably, is due to progress and more specifically the person who invented the "drive-thru." And I think of the ruckus that would start if the cow were soon to be extinct as opposed to seedless fruit such as the banana. Dare I say it's the "American Way?"

This Week's Question - (submitted by Marc A.) If global warming is a fact why is it so fargin' cold? Answers containing a butterfly over the Pacific Ocean are automatically disqualified.