It's hard to describe what it's like being a leftie in a right-handed world, but let me see if I can phrase it in one careful, concise sentence: IT STINKS. Most of society is geared towards righties, making the plight of lefties that much more difficult. Stick shifts, manual can openers and the gray desks that reside in most of our classrooms are just a few of the plagues that haunt the leftie.

It's obvious why, of course. A long time ago, a select committee (we'll call them The Committee That Knew The Importance of Lefties) realized that lefties were clearly superior to the rightiein almost every aspect. If lefties were alloweed free reign, they figured, they would soon control the world, something The Committee That Knew the Importance of Lefties did not want since they were enjoying their power JUST FINE.

Thus began the persecution of lefties. Once the committee established the superiority of righties, they also set about establishing the importance of right handed people in society. Have you ever noticed how RIGHT is another word for correct? This was a way for them to spread rightie pride.

And it worked! For centuries, righties have forced lefties to change their orientation, making them write with the wrong (i.e. "right") hand and oppress their true natures. Lefties were even accused of being witches just because they wrote left-handed.

Nowadays, there's still discrimination, but in different ways. The worst are the manufactured gray desks that reside in 99.9 percent of the classrooms. As a leftie, it is the biggest pain in the you-know-where to try to write on those desks. To write comfortably, I have to shift my body UNcomfortably. This normally involves an interesting variety of twists and turns until I'm finally tucked in - perpendicular to the person sitting on my right. I can tell teachers are always so thrilled to see this, especially when they accuse me of cheating or trying to copy someone's homework.

There are other problems ... phones with phone cords, scissors and tying shoes, to name a few, but I didn't write this article to complain about (all of) the lefties' problems. I came to enlighten. For example, did you know that lefties don't live as long as righties? Oppressed through our lives and then we die early! It certainly gives us something to look forward to.

Did you know, though, that when bats fly out of the cave, they ALWAYS fly towards the left? THEY know the right orientation! One day, people will realize the correct (i.e. "left") way to approach things and when they do, people will finally see things the left way.