95 Theses of the MTS
as posted on the door of room 242 by one or more of the following:
Will Hart, Brian Sellers, Justin Shaddix, Blake Hyde, Gian Toro, Travis
Hipps Melanie Hart, Monica Nieradka, Marisa Biondi, Lauren Tolles, Charles
HOME
1. Do not punch me in thy face.
2. Thou who smelt it, thine own self dealt it.
3. No dueling, only drooling.
4. When Lori and Sarah walk in, everyone else must walk out.
5. Ontogeny recapitulates the Super Bowl.
6. Write in plain English (see 5).
7. No "X"ing out previous theses (see 4).
8. What's a theses?
9. Theses are statements.
10. Beetle, cockroach-better to just be yourself.
11. Too much snapping leads to the Tango de la Muerte or "Death
Dance."
12. Justin is always Right.
13. Shaddix is always wrongly viewed by blind prophets.
14. You gotta believe, dawg!
15. Will is a deadly sharp shootin' fool.
16. Crack is illegal in Living Well.
17. If a professor refers to an author as "the master" or "the
father" or "the greatest" his/her work will suck.
18. Cute people don't make good Presidents (see Jimmy Carter).
19. Get a new pen.
20. I like my pen, punk.
21. Copyright Wars can get ugly.
22. So can Justin.
23. Computers don't make errors, what they do they do on purpose.
24. Thou shalt love thy sisters in the FeMTS.
25. He's got Betty Davis eyes.
26. He is Justin (see 25).
27. Keep off the grass!
28. Girls just wanna have fun.
29. So does Shaddix.
30. Penguin Classics books are printed better than Oxford.
31. You can't cover up a lack of inexperience.
32. Looking for Will? He's on the phone.
33. Looking for the phone? It's on Will.
34. Shut the door, por favor.
35. All I wanted was a pack of Skittles--what I got was a stupid
Snickers.
36. To the sinner shalt be granted Snickers.
37. Look, all I wanted was sweet and chewy, not chocolate and
gooey.
38. Do not release the Kracken for instructional purposes.
39. Make 4 prophecies each day. Fulfill 2.
40 Against all odds, afternoon classes will suck more than 8
AM classes.
41. Do not wear white clothes to chemistry labs.
42. Lizards ain't phones.
43. Monkeys For Everyone! Todos los monos.
44. A pie in time saves key lime.
45. The weather is here, wish you were Alec Baldwin.
46. Salamanders are fire proof.
47. However, they may still be killed by flaming arrows, but
not the fire part.
48. Odds are 1 in 5 billion you will be killed by space debris.
49. Gallophobia is the fear of France and all things French.
50. Being paranoid is kinda like being psychic.
51. YOUR MAMA!
52. NOt everyone is allowed to post theses (see 51).
53. You'll die of a brain tumor before you are in a plane crash.
54. I wouldn't be in a plane crash if I were deceased.
55. WILL IS STUPID!! (see 54)
56. Life is the only STD with a 100% mortality rate.
57. Juniors go to bed at midnight, freshman...10 am.
58. If life is a disease, what is chicken pox (see 56)?
59. Revere the eggplant.
60. Cucumbers are superior to eggplants.
61. Therefore, revere cucumbers more.
62. Let it be known from this day forth that vegetables are prohibited.
63. Thesis 62 is hereby repealed.
64. Stop doing the foot charge.
65. Left handed people are more likely to commit suicide...with
their left hand.
66. "Then see to it you remain a Mensch!"
67. Everclear is the fruit of the devil.
68. Justin shall not sing!
69. Theses shall not be ridiculed by non-participants.
70. Phones ain't worth the paper they're printed on.
71. Baker, put some clothes on, you hick.
72. I'm so tired I could sleep in a horse.
73. When doing a 5 page paper at 3 in the morning, look on the
bright side...you're not being attacked by rabid monkeys.
74. Some are far too obsessed with feather-like objects.
75. Don't donate anything...it may come back to find you.
76. "Slavic people"...I'm slavic, I can slur all I want!
77. From now on Will's name shall be O'McHart.
78. Sounds like a bad breakfast cereal (see 77).
79. When thou wakest, thou shalt not braketh wind.
80. Thou shalt spell 'break' correctly, or either have wind broken
upon thy offspring.
81. Thou shalt not use crummy grammar such as "or either."
82. There shall be a 96th thesis.
83. But not a 97th.
84. Thou shalt appreciate play on words (see 79).
85. All sock puppets shall speak in French accents.
86. Cancel the Keys trip, we're going to Peabody!
87. We've got enough campaign parafanalia to run our own campaign...for
Brad Overcash.
88. Get your silky paws off my filthy drawers.
89. I see Russia, I see France, I see Canada's underpants.
90. May you be as a biscuit on monkey bars.
91. As any project continues, inspiration wanes and stupidity increases.
92. I wasn't clenching my fist to say "I love you."
93. The bear without a name shall be named.
--and the bear
shall put his name on his right bicep in chinese.
94. Everyone in the MTS shall get a tattoo...1 down, 7 to go.
95. Are you a nerd? 'Cause this ain't a nerd suite.
96. I said there would be a 96th thesis, and my prophecy came true,
one more to go.
97. (see 83)
97.5 Any project, given extents at its conception, will exceed those
extents upon completion.
98. Late Valentine's are okay if there was an attempt to give them
on time.
99. Theses shall halt at 100.
100. THE END
101. 99th thesis is a false statement.
THESIS the LAST.
I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy
of this book. If anyone adds anything to them, God will add him the
PLAGUES described in this book. And if anyone takes words away from
this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the Tree
of Life and in the Holy City, which are described in this book. Rev.
22:18-19.