FADE IN: 1939 PITTSBURGH, PA. RADIO STATION WENN. CAMERA PANS FROM 1930'S STYLE RADIO, DOWN HALLWAY, ACROSS "ON THE AIR" SIGN, INTO STUDIO WHERE JEFF SINGER, CELIA MELLON, AND MACKIE BLOOM ARE PERFORMING.
INT. STUDIO:
JEFF: Serge pulled away the cloth that covered the immense creature. There it stood on its four slender legs. Score upon score of ivory teeth exposed and gleaming at him in a vast, mirthless grin. It was his piano. He drew the first tentative notes from its sounding board. Serge's long sensitive fingers that moved so assuredly over the keyboard, now clawed at the air as if reaching for the proper words. Serge whispered... (HE LOOKS UP , ONLY TO SEE HIS WIFE HILARY BOOTH, FLIRTING WITH A YOUNG MAN THROUGH THE GREEN ROOM WINDOW.) thinking the softness of his voice might soften the blow.
MACKIE (IN RUSSIAN ACCENT): You are beautiful Mavis Strebling, But I am great be honest. And so my true love must always be... (HE TOO LOOKS BEHIND HIM TO THE WINDOW) piano!
JEFF: Mavis did not move. The fork fell from her hand. (MR. FOLEY VIOLENTLY DROPS THE FORK THAT HE IS HOLDING) It all came flooding back to her. That first wink from the stage of Carnegie Hall. The way his eyes would flash. The way his fingers played upon her lips.
(WE SEE DIRECTOR TED E. PECK IN THE CONTROL ROOM GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS JEFF HAS JUST DESCRIBED.) Suddenly she felt so hollow...so empty. She rose to her full height of five feet five inches. Her eyes flashed.
CELIA (IN ANGER): Then go! Go back to Russia! Dutch vie donia, Comrade Lubov!
JEFF: She slammed the door on him with all the finality of a tale that had been told.
CELIA: And take your blintzes with you!
MR. FOLEY STANDS NEAR A PROP DOOR, HOLDING A PLATE WITH A PIECE OF CAKE, WHICH INSTEAD OF EATING HE THROWS AT THE DOOR.
INT. GREEN ROOM
HILARY IS STANDING NEAR THE COFFEE POT WHILE PAUL, ACROSS THE ROOM IS RAMBLING ON NERVOUSLY.
PAUL: Radio must be so different for a great stage performer like you, Ms. Booth. It must be strange performing without a living audience, right?
HILARY: Not really. I once did Shakespeare in scedexity.
PAUL: I know, you played Juliet. The local papers said you put a lot of life into your dying.
HILARY: But Peter...It is Peter isn't it?
PAUL (NERVOUSLY):Its Paul.
HILARY: Paul! Paul. How could you, know that?
PAUL: Oh, I know everything about your career.
INT. STUDIO
JEFF, NOW IS CARRYING THE MICROPHONE WITH HIM, CLOSER TO THE WINDOW AS HE KEEPS AN EYE ON HILARY, WHO NOW HAS SIGNED AN AUTOGRAPH FOR PAUL AND TAKEN HIM BY THE ARM, OUT OF VIEW.
JEFF: She picked up her dear little calico cat and stroked its ears...shamelessly!
HE DROPS THE MICROPHONE AND DISAPPEARS INTO THE GREEN ROOM, LEAVING CELIA AND MACKIE NERVOUSLY LOOKING ON.
CELIA: Well, I guess its just you and me now, Mittens.
MACKIE: Meow! Hiss!
INT. GREEN ROOM
JEFF QUIETLY SNEAKS INTO THE GREEN ROOM, AND THEN FINALLY GETS HILARY AND PAUL'S ATTENTION BY CLEARING HIS THROAT. HILARY HAS HER ARMS AROUND PAUL, ONE HAND ON HIS STOMACH, ONE ACROSS HIS BACK.
HILARY: I was just showing Peter how to...
PAUL: Breathe from the abdomen.
HILARY: Yes. If you press on the abdomen, you encourage proper breath support.
JEFF (SARCASTICALLY): By pressing on the throat you encourage no breath at all.
HILARY: Peter-
PAUL: Its Paul.
HILARY: Paul! Excuse me. Paul, is a drama student at Carnegie Mellon.
PAUL: Its really an honor to learn about acting from an old pro like Ms. Booth.
HILARY: Seasoned dear.
PAUL: Seasoned, seasoned.
JEFF: Hilary, I can't blame you for clinging to your youth but its keeping him from doing his work as an apprentice!
PAUL: The hot-dogs.
HE PICKS UP A BAG SITTING ON THE TABLE, AND AFTER HAVING TO GO AROUND JEFF WHO IS ABOUT TWICE HIS SIZE, HE LEAVES THE ROOM.
JEFF: For Heaven's sake, Hilary! He's a mere babe!
HILARY: If anyone knows babes, its you, Pumpkin!
JEFF: Don't start!
IN THE MIDST OF THEIR BICKERING, BETTY ENTERS.
BETTY: Excuse me. But would you like to share some of that drama with your listening audience?
BETTY ABRUPTLY LEAVES THE ROOM, FOLLOWED BY JEFF AND HILARY, WHO STICKS HER TONGUE OUT AT HIM BEFORE EXITING.
INT. STUDIO
JEFF IS STILL SUSPICIOUSLY WATCHING HILARY WHO IS OBVIOUSLY PAYING NO ATTENTION TO HIM.
JEFF: So ends the strange loves of Hilary-The Strange Loves of Mavis Strebling. Adapted from the best selling novel by Dorothy Berkenstock.
HILARY: You have been listening to a book at bedtime. Sponsored by Cup of Comfort, the nutritious nightcap. (She waves towards the control room where Ted E. Peck waves back thinking her greeting was meant for him.) Feeling anxious, jittery, fretful? Try Cup of Comfort and I guarantee you'll never get any better... bedtime drink than Cup of Comfort. WENN now concludes its broadcasting day.
MR. ELDRIDGE: At the tone (MR. FOLEY HITS CHIME) Twelve A.M. Goodnight, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite!
BETTY (FROM CONTROL ROOM): That's it everybody! See you at seven!
INT. HALLWAY
THE CAST HAS JUST LEFT THE STUDIO AND IS GETTING READY TO GO HOME WHEN THE DIRECTOR RUSHES INTO THE HALLWAY CARRYING A LARGE SILVER BOX.
T.E. PECK: Fantastic! Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic! You were all so good, so fantastic. Words fail me. You ladies! (POINTING TO HILARY AND CELIA) Such voices like Colbert or Crawford! And that Russian accent... (POINTING TO MACKIE) straight out of "Ninotchka"! Fantastic! And you Pops, (POINTING TO MR. ELDRIDGE) when you said "don't let the bed bugs bite", I could feel those bed bugs biting.
ELDRIDGE: Soak your long johns in cold water with just a teaspoon of peroxide.
T.E. PECK: That's a fantastic idea! You're all just... fantastic!
CELIA: Thank you!
LONG PAUSE
Have we met?
BETTY: This is Ted E. Peck, everyone. The director. I told you all about him in the performance notes I handed out. You do read your performance notes?
CAST: Yes. Of course.
CELIA: What do you direct?
T.E. PECK: Dreams my dear. Dreams in the dark for the whole world to see.
JEFF: Movies?
INT. GREEN ROOM
THE CAST IS GATHERED AROUND THE DIRECTOR AS HE TELLS THEM ABOUT HIS LATEST IDEA
T.E. PECK: Two days ago, I found myself in a closet in an editing house in Altoona. Don't ask. The fact is, there were film cans in that closet. I had stumbled on five reels of an old unfinished Rudolph Valentino movie.
MACKIE: And you're going to pay us thirty bucks to watch it.
T.E. PECK: Thirty dollars to finish it. This is a silent picture! People today want talkies! I was driving around Altoona when I happened to tune into your show "The Hands of Time". And I knew right then and there, no thank you, that you were the only people who could do the job.
HILARY: Flattery will get you everywhere, Mr. Peck. That and thirty dollars. Thank you Paul.
T.E. PECK: Lets get some sleep, and be back here right after sign off ready to make film history! Yes, movie fans! Valentino's back...and I've got him in this can.
INT. STUDIO
NEXT NIGHT. CAST IS PREPARING FOR DUBBING OF VALENTINO FILM. PECK HASN'T ARRIVED YET.
CELIA: This director, are you sure he's for real?
BETTY: His check was for real.
JEFF: Ted E. Peck. Wasn't he the guy they drummed out of Hollywood after he threw a go-go at Garbo?
HILARY: It wasn't Garbo it was Swanson, and he tried to strangle her with her own footage.
MACKIE: No that was Von Strohiem. Ted E. Peck was the guy who attacked Pete the Wonder Pup with a film splicer.
THE CAST BREAKS INTO LAUGHTER
CELIA: Its nail the director day!
T.E. PECK FINALLY ARRIVES
T.E. PECK: Good evening! Good evening! Good evening!
BETTY: Good evening. Mr. Peck, we were all just wondering, what brought you to Altoona?
T.E. PECK: Navy films. They threw me out of Hollywood. Said I couldn't handle dialogue. Can't handle dialogue. Have you ever seen "Emergency Procedure of the Courteous of ACC"? Or how about "Sailor Beware: That Voluptuous Dame's Got Initials VD"?
CELIA: Gee, I missed those. Sounds like a swell double bill!
T.E. PECK: They're fantastic! But nothing like this. (HE KNOCKS ON THE CONTROL ROOM WINDOW) Ready in there? Right, lets do it! The scene, the Cafe Malocca, where the Rajah abducts the beautiful Yasmina, an exotic dancer. Give it power, give it passion, but above all, make the lips match. Roll it!
LIGHTS GO DOWN AND FILM STARTS ROLLING CELIA: This girl is good!
HILARY: Let the wine flow freely!
MACKIE: Fraz Allah! A floor show! (LONG PAUSE) Look! I have gold in my pants!
BETTY: I do not want your chain of gold. Do you think I can be bought?
JEFF: Do my eyes deceive me? Is this the girl I met today in the market place? She is no archeologist from Vassar! She is hoochie-coochie girl! This gold is solid garbage! And so are you! Take that!
(MR. FOLEY SHOOTS OFF A CAP GUN)
HILARY: Who killed the lights?
MACKIE: It is the tempted Rajah! Seize him!
BETTY: Easy! I've never ridden side saddle!
JEFF: Stop! I need to keep both hands on the reigns. Do you here those hoof beats. Do you hear what they whisper as they fly over the sands. "Your Rajah has ya. Your Rajah has ya!"
BETTY: Where have you taken me, you desert dog!
JEFF: My tent of a thousand treasures.
BETTY: Well, count me out! Put me down!
(FILM ENDS AND LIGHTS COME BACK UP)
T.E. PECK: Fantastic! (TO JEFF) Fold your arms. Now tilt your head forward, like so. Now let your eyes smolder, smolder, smolder.
BETTY (WHISPERING): Do you smell something burning?
CELIA (WHISPERING): Baked ham!
T.E. PECK: You, Jeff Singer, are going to be the new heartthrob of the silver screen!
JEFF: Me, in movies?
T.E. PECK: This movie. I came here to do a little dubbing. But now I see I can do much, much more! I can actually shoot my missing scene. We don't have to fade out on the Rajah, as he rides away with his virgin. We can show the Rajah in his harem tent. We can show you consummating your love. Isn't that an unbelievable scene?
HILARY: I'm sure Jeffrey will make it very believable. He's been rehearsing it for years!
T.E. PECK: We'll get Jeff a big headdress, makeup, the right light, a little Vaseline in your hair, a little Vaseline on the lens. What woman on earth could resist you? (HILARY SHEEPISHLY BUT SARCASTICALLY PUTS UP HER HAND) Those lips, those eyes. Jeffrey Singer, you are Valentino!
INT. HALLWAY
IT IS THE FIRST DAY OF SHOOTING. PAUL IS HELPING HILARY PUT THE FINISHING TOUCHES ON HER MAKEUP. JEFF COMES IN ALREADY LOOKING LIKE A RICH MOVIE STAR.
JEFF: Good morning Hilary. (TO PAUL) Gunga Din.
PAUL: Good afternoon, Mr. Singer.
HILARY: Jeffrey, our call was for twelve o'clock.
JEFF: Hilary, aren't you afraid of running afoul of the child labor laws?
HILARY: Aren't you afraid of losing this part?
JEFF: Not at all! Hilary, come here! (HE TAKES HER ASIDE, AWAY FROM PAUL) Hilary, I've been exploring the Rajah subtext. Its not a very good script, but I think I can make it work!
HILARY: Spare me the spectacles. (JEFF TAKES OFF HIS SUNGLASSES) Darling, I want you to concentrate. This is a golden opportunity, I don't want you to mess it up!
JEFF: Oh, thank you!
HILARY: Then you can become a big movie star, and request to work with the very best in the business...me!
JEFF: Hilary, sometimes I have to pinch myself. I mean me, in the movies! And not just my voice, but all of me! Magnified ten times! And I'll actually be able to watch myself acting. What an extraordinary experience!
HILARY: Oh, its an experience. Believe me. Now get dressed.
JEFF: Right, but Hilary. I was thinking. Gable, Tracy. They're all right, but Hollywood needs some fresh blood.
HILARY: I have a knife! We'll send them two quarts right after you get dressed.
BOB: Say Mac, where do you want your hooker?
JEFF: My hooker? Oh, no. You mean hookah.
HILARY (MOCKING HIM): Hookah.
JEFF: Hookah.
T.E. PECK: Bob? Bob, where are you? There you are. In here please.
THE BEFUDDLED SET DIRECTOR EXITS THE SCENE AS A FLUSTERED BETTY ENTERS.
BETTY: Mr. Peck. We here at WENN are very appreciative of the money you gave us to use our green room as your movie set...
T.E. PECK: Its fantastic! We couldn't take Mr. Singer to the Sahara, so the Sahara has come to Mr. Singer!
BETTY: Yes, but I don't want any of that sand dumped on the Green Room floor!
T.E. PECK: I like that fire, Miss Roberts. Save it for the cameras!
BETTY: Mr. Eldridge!
MR. PECK: Oh, he's gone out for a camel!
BETTY: Mr. Eldridge doesn't smoke!
T.E. PECK: A camel. A dramederig. A shaggy ship of the desert that will make my scene come alive! (BETTY DODGES A MAN CARRYING A ARTIFICIAL PALM TREE) Of course, whether he manages to dig up a camel in downtown Pittsburgh on a Saturday afternoon, that's another story entirely. Shouldn't you be learning your lines for this evening?
DEFEATED, BETTY EXITS. MACKIE ENTERS.
MACKIE: Oh, Mr. Peck! I was just looking at the script and my part is a little small so I...
T.E. PECK: There are no small parts. Only small actors.
MACKIE: Do you mind if I write that down?
THE DIRECTOR PUTS HIS ARM AROUND THE STARSTRUCK MACKIE'S SHOULDER AND STARTS TO WALK DOWN THE HALLWAY.
T.E. PECK: Isn't it thrilling. Its all coming together. The people. The props, the settings. Building, building, building. For that big moment when the director walks on the set and calls for...
INT. GREEN ROOM
THE GREEN ROOM IS NOW DECORATED AS THE RAJAH'S HAREM TENT. EVERYONE IS PREPARING FOR THE FIRST SCENE. NONE OF THE ACTORS ARE PRESENT.
T.E. PECK: Action! What a fantastic set! Most impressive work! Look at these exotic fabrics! (HE PATS THE SILK PILLOWS ON THE SET) Yes, and all those authentic pieces of bric-a-brac! Yes, it looks exactly like the original!
CELIA COMES IN DRESSED LIKE A HAREM DANCER, COMPLETE WITH VEIL.
CELIA: Hi-hi!
T.E. PECK: Fantastic costume!
CELIA: The Sahara dress!
T.E. PECK: Why do you call it that?
CELIA: Plenty of wide open spaces! Don't you like it?
T.E. PECK: Oh, I love it. But the motion picture production code, that's a different matter. (He pulls the veil around her shoulders.) Now where's my unic?
MACKIE: Present.
MACKIE ENTERS IN BRIGHTLY COLORED VEST AND PANTS WITH A CIGAR IN HIS MOUTH
T.E. PECK: Fantastic costume! Except, would you mind losing the rest of your hair?
MACKIE: Yes.
T.E. PECK: It would make you a more believable Unic.
MACKIE: So would losing a lot of other things and I'm not gonna do that for eighty-five bucks.
T.E. PECK: Are you ready for your entrance, Rajah?
PAUL: Yeah. He'll be fine.
T.E. PECK: Places, everyone! Places! Places!
MACKIE HIDES HIS CIGAR UNDER A CUSHION AND GRABS THE PEACOCK FEATHER FAN.
MACKIE (IN A HIGH PITCHED VOICE): Ready!
T.E. PECK: And roll 'em! Do we have speed? Ready.
EUGENIA ENTERS WITH CLAPBOX
EUGENIA: The Kiss of the Rajah. A Ted E. Peck production. Based on just a wonderful novel by Wallace Beel. Oh, I simply couldn't put it down. You know I started reading it...
T.E. PECK: Take one. Take one!
EUGENIA: Take one. Mr. Peck, I want you to know if you need any help on either side of the camera, I'm your gal!
T.E. PECK: That's a comfort. (HE PUSHES HER ASIDE WITH HIS MEGAPHONE) Ready back there? Action!
JEFF: The Sahara nights can be cold, my alabaster beauty. Can you feel the heat from my hot brazier?
T.E. PECK: Cut! Its pronounced brazier. You know, like a pan for holding hot coals? brazier. The Rajah does not wear a brazier. (HE TURNS TOWARDS HILARY) And you, big harem girl.
HILARY RESPONDS QUICKLY, AT FIRST THINKING HE'S SPEAKING TO CELIA
HILARY: Yes, rude British director?
T.E. PECK: Ms. Booth. We're getting a little shine off your nose.
HILARY: Oh well, some people can shine even in a dull part...like this one.
INT. MOVIE SET
THE CAST AND CREW ARE PREPARING FOR THE SECOND TAKE. MACKIE IS HOLDING THE FAN. JEFF AND BETTY ARE OVER ON THE COUCH. CELIA AND HILARY ARE READING A MAGAZINE.
EUGENIA: Kiss of the Rajah. Take two!
T.E. PECK: Get out of the way please! And action!
JEFF: The Sahara nights can be cold, my alabaster beauty. Can you feel the heat from my hot braizer?
T.E. PECK: Cut! Your light, Mr. Singer.
JEFF: Light? I'm sorry, what light?
INT. MOVIE SET
VALENTINO MOVIE: TAKE THREE. YOU KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY
EUGENIA: Kiss of the Rajah. Take three.
SHE REMAINS STILL, FROZEN WITH STAGE FRIGHT
T.E. PECK: Get out of the way please! Cut!
SHE DOES NOT MOVE
INT. MOVIE SET
VALENTINO MOVIE: TAKE FOUR. PAUL HAS NOW TAKEN EUGENIA'S PLACE
PAUL: (DRYLY): Kiss of the Rajah. Take four.
JEFF: The Sahara nights can be very cold, my alabaster beauty. Can you feel the heat from my hot braizer?
T.E. PECK: Cut! The mark, Mr. Singer. The mark!
JEFF: My toes are touching it.
T.E. PECK: Your face never came into the light.
JEFF: I have very big feet.
JEFF EXITS, LEAVING THE DIRECTOR A LITTLE APPREHENSIVE
T.E. PECK: Miss Roberts, do you think you could loosen up just a bit.
BETTY: Gee, I guess I am a little tense.
T.E. PECK: Just a little? You look as though your suffering from rigamourtus, and in a love scene, that's not good.
BETTY: Well, don't you think it would be more natural if we walked in holding hands?
T.E. PECK: This is a desert abduction, not a date.
JEFF RE-ENTERS
JEFF: Mr. Peck? I was just thinking, while we're stopped. This movie could be a lot more than a boy abducts girl story. I mean, who is this Rajah? Who are these women? And what kind of man rides around the desert grabbing virgins? Wouldn't it be interesting if we got to know these people just a little bit better?
T.E. PECK: Fine, after we finish shooting, we'll take them out to dinner. Right now, Let's keep it sexy. Again!
INT. MOVIE SET
THE CAST IS PREPARING FOR ANOTHER TAKE. BETTY IS STIFFLY LYING ON THE COUCH, MACKIE FANNING HER AND JEFF SEDUCTIVELY HOVERING OVER HER.
PAUL: Take twelve!
JEFF: Unic! Fan the flames of our desire.
JEFF GOES IN TO KISS HER. BETTY SHRINKS AWAY.
T.E. PECK: Cut!
INT. MOVIE SET
CAST IS DOING ANOTHER TAKE ON THE SAME SCENE.
PAUL: Take thirteen!
JEFF: Unic! Fan the flames of our desire.
BETTY ONCE AGAIN DUCKS AWAY FROM JEFF
T.E. PECK: Cut!
INT. MOVIE SET
YET ANOTHER TAKE...
PAUL: Take fourteen!
JEFF: Unic! Fan the flames of our desire.
(SHE VERY TENSELY LETS JEFF KISS HER)
Your kiss is cold, fair one. Perhaps the dance will warm your spirit. Dance, my beauties!
HILARY AND CELIA PERFORM VERY EXOTIC DANCE UNTIL JEFF CUTS THEM OFF
JEFF: Cut! Cut! Cut!
T.E. PECK: You can't say cut! Only the director can say cut. Cut! What?
JEFF: Well, their dancing is not very believable.
T.E. PECK: That's the way they dance in this movie! And I want the same style as the cafe scene we dubbed.
JEFF: But, how long have these girls been my slaves?
HILARY (WHISPERING): Too long!
JEFF: Months? Years? They probably had a enough time to work up a little choreography.
CELIA: Sorry Rajah! Maybe we should page Busby Berkley!
JEFF: All I meant was be my slaves. Perform what you're feeling.
HILARY (SARCASTICALLY): Oh! By staging a slave uprising and hanging you from a potted palm!
INT. MOVIE SET
PAUL: Take twenty seven!
MACKIE IS FANNING BETTY WHO IS LOOKING MORE RELAXED BUT STILL APPREHENSIVE.
JEFF: Faster, Unic! Fan the flames of our desire.
AS JEFF GOES TO KISS HER, BETTY LAUGHS.
T.E. PECK: What's so funny?
BETTY: I'm sorry. I'm ticklish.
JEFF: Do me a favor Unic. Back off!
MACKIE: You wouldn't talk to me like that if I wasn't a Unic.
INT. MOVIE SET
PAUL: Take forty five!
BETTY (INNOCENTLY): They call you a barberian...a barbarian. And yet, your tent is well appointed.
JEFF: My braizer of hammered brass pales besides you, fair one.
BETTY (LOOKING AT HER HAT INSTEAD OF JEFF): You may be cruel, coarse, and wicked. But I sense that beneess your burnooth...beneath your burnoose, there's a boy, deep outside you, trying to get in!
T.E. PECK: Cut! Do you love him, or your hat?
JEFF: He's got a point, Betty. If we want this scene to work, we need to look at each other.
BETTY: Its so hard. You see in radio we get to hold the script.
JEFF: Listen, the truth of the scene will shine through if we just stay focused.
T.E. PECK: Exactly! Try taping it to his chest!
INT. MOVIE SET
PAUL: Take forty six!
BETTY (STARING AT HIS CHEST): You maybe cruel, coarse, and wicked. But beneath that burnoose, you're a little boy!
JEFF: Perhaps this is true. My world is a place of great contradiction. One wakes from the grip of the cold desert nights only to be struck by the fist of the morning sun. Heat and cold. Love and hate. I live with many such contradictions, but I will always be one with the desert.
T.E. PECK: Cut! What was that?
JEFF (IRRITATED): Acting!
T.E. PECK (WITH EXAGGERATED MOTIONS): I love, and I hate. That's acting.
JEFF: That's not acting, that's...calisthenics!
T.E. PECK: The acting style must match the rest of the picture.
JEFF: Well its a style that doesn't work.
T.E. PECK: Its what I want. And I am your director!
JEFF: Well it isn't what I want and I'm your leading actor. Will you give me a chance to act? All you've been giving me for the last four hours is traffic directions. Find your mark! Find your light! Pick up the virgin! Set down the virgin!
T.E. PECK: Its what acting in movies is all about, Mr. Singer.
JEFF: What? No, Mr. Peck. Acting is an art. Its holding a mirror up to people and showing them who they are, and what they are, and what they can become. And good acting touches the head and the heart, not just the eyes. Acting, is truth, Mr. Peck. And I may not be the greatest actor in the world, but I am certainly not a liar.
T.E. PECK: I'll make it baby simple for you. Shall I? You can do what I want, and take sunny Hollywood by storm. Or you can stay here, regretting your decision, in this tinpot little radio station until God knows when. Or don't you care?
JEFF: Oh I care...and I quit!
HE RIPS THE PAPER FROM HIS CHEST AND ONLY AFTER BUMPING INTO THE WALL, HE EXITS ABRUPTLY.
INT. HALLWAY
JEFF, STILL IN COSTUME, COMES INTO THE HALLWAY WITH HIS AGENT, TESS BRACKEN.
JEFF: I won't forget this Tess.
TESS: Sure you will Sweetie. As soon as you sober up. You'll forget that your poor old press agent went down to the police station on her day off to haul you out of the hoosgow just to save you some bad publicity.
JEFF: I'm not drunk!
TESS: Well, you look terrible!
JEFF: Well, I feel terrible. I mean, everybody wanted me to make it, and I let them down. The Rajah. I put everything I had into the part, including my oversized ego.
(MR. FOLEY ENTERS AND STARTS TO SPEAK) JEFF: I know Mr. Foley. Don't say it. (MR. FOLEY EXITS) I wasn't looking for a fight, Tess. They encouraged it. And besides, they were very insulting.
TESS: I wonder why! You go in a steel worker's bar on a Saturday afternoon, dressed in a towel and a turban, with make-up on your face. It invites comment.
CELIA AND MACKIE ENTER
CELIA: Hi Tess!
JEFF: Celia. Mackie. I'm sorry.
CELIA: Don't apologize to us.
MACKIE: We understand.
TESS: Oh, say Mackie. Can you give me a lift?
MACKIE (IN DEEP GROWL): No problem. I'll wait for you in the car.
TESS: You'll be fine.
JEFF: Thanks Tess.
TESS: Anytime Sweetie. But not tonight. The desk sergeant asked me out.
TESS EXITS, T.E. PECK ENTERS
JEFF: Oh, I came back to return your costume.
T.E. PECK: Not necessary.
JEFF: Well, you'll need it when you get around to finishing your picture.
T.E. PECK: It is finished. The Kiss of the Rajah is in the can. Its a wrap.
JEFF: You mean you were able to shoot around me?
T.E. PECK: You? Oh, you are the old, new Valentino. (PAUL ENTERS) This, this is the new, new Valentino.
PAUL: Its strange. I've only been studying acting half a semester.
T.E. PECK: A definite plus as far as I'm concerned.
JEFF (A LITTLE RELUCTANT): Congratulations Paul.
T.E. PECK: Paul? Is your name Paul?
PAUL: Paul Reese.
T.E. PECK: Oh no its not. Raul. Raul...Romanno. Fantastico!
THE DIRECTOR AND HIS PROTEGEE LEAVE
INT. STUDIO
JEFF TURNS ON PROJECTOR WHICH PROJECTS THE FILM ON TO THE SCREEN WHERE MOMENTS LATER A SHADOW APPEARS. ITS HILARY.
JEFF: Go ahead. Hit me with it. God knows I've got it coming.
HILARY: You certainly do.
JEFF: Fire away.
HILARY: Jeffery, you know the way you acted on that film set?
JEFF: I hardly acted at all.
HILARY: You acted on principle. And I don't think I've ever been more proud of you.
JEFF: You're not disappointed?
HILARY: Well, with winter coming on the thought of all those orange groves was appealing.
JEFF: I got so worked up. I saw my name up on the Paramount marquee. Oh what a day! Well I guess its just you and me now Mittens.
BOTH: Meow!
JEFF: I like it here. They say Valentino was a versatile actor, but you'd never know it from his movies. I mean, I play more parts in a single morning than he played in his entire career. Thank you, for sticking with me through the trouble I never would have had if I never met you in the first place.
HILARY: Oh Jeffrey. You say the sweetest things.
(THEY KISS)
Now that was the Kiss of the Rajah!