wordiness

ELIMINATING WORDINESS
Work with a buddy from your group. THE AUTHOR SHOULD LISTEN WHILE THE EDITOR READS THE SENTENCES ALOUD. Complete the following exercises for TWO paragraphs in EACH of person's paper. REVISE on the COMPUTER.

PATHOS (WORD CHOICE)
Use words to shape your audience's response to your argument. However, excessive use of highly emotional language that gives wait irrationality will make your argument less effective.
Use concrete language (R & B 155-6)

site specific details & examples to "bring to life [a] previously abstract point" (R & B 156)

Choose the best word.

use the most precise word possible

avoid words that "distort the truth" (159)

choose professional and trustworthy words without going overboard (don't over do it on emotions; don't make it "pathetic")

examples:

nose dive        plummet

ridiculous        inappropriate

horrible         appalling

VERBS
Eliminate expletives (this is, there are, it is. . . ). To do this, you must determine the true subject of the sentence.
WORDY: It is important to remember to take out the garbage.
LESS WORDY: Remember to take out the garbage.
Turn noun phrases into verbs. (Completing the search and replace technique will eliminate most of these.) WORDY: This paper is interesting to me.
LESS WORDY: This paper interests me.
(6 words -> 4 words)
Eliminate useless words. WORDY: Sally usually is able to run three miles a day.
LESS WORDY: Sally usually runs three miles each day.
(10 words -> 7 words)

WORDY: The whole point of revising a paper several times is to move the words around so that they say exactly what you want them to say.
LESS WORDY: Repeatedrevisions move the author closer to capturing his/her true argument.
(26 -> 12 words)

SENTENCES
Make your sentences as concise as possible.
Combine redundant sentences by underlining words that appear several times in sequence. Don't pad your paper with fat. Excessive repetition makes for boring sentences.
REDUNDANT: Lawyers need to make an effort to become leaders. Lawyers must become more ethical to be good leaders. Ethics are important because they are the basis of an honest and trusting relationship.
BETTER: To assume leadership roles in an often corrupt profession, lawyers must develop a strong sense of ethics, the basis of honest and trusting client relationships .