November 23, 1999

Feynman gives key foreign policy address

Durham, NC - Speaking from atop the picnic table in her backyard, Feynman today articulated her view of America's foreign policy in the 21st century with the "great and guiding goal" of extending peace, prosperity, and comfy couches to higher mammals around the world.

"America at the turn of the twenty-first century is in a unique position to effect positive change in the world," she said. "As the world's only superpower, we can be a force for good. It is time we stopped abdicating that responsibility, ceased hiding behind our bombs and our armies. We must find gentler means of moral suasion." The nation's leaders, she added, fail to understand "the power of a cookie or a simple pat on the head," and as a result use "the rolled-up newspaper" as their first and only option.

"You can't housebreak a dog that's peeing himself from fright," she told her audience.

"We have the power to feed homeless puppies, to save apes from trophy hunters, to extend the doctrine of 'a cookie in every bowl' to higher mammals everywhere. We must not be afraid to use that power for good."

The speech was Feynman's first on foreign policy, responding to criticisms that, as a dog, she lacked understanding of the complex issues of global affairs.

"As a Canine American, I am prepared to offer a unique perspective on global affairs," Feynman said. "Conflicts among nations are not unlike those among groups of dogs. I've been there. I'm ready for the challenge."