Here's some new "Geek Speak" to lighten things up a bit:
Dilberted
---------
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the
experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character.
"I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for
the fourth time this week."
Plug-and-Play
-------------
A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John,
is
great.
He's totally plug-and-play."
Crapplet
--------
A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted
30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"
World Wide Wait
---------------
The real meaning of WWW.
404
---
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message
"404, URL
Not Found" meaning that the document you've tried to access
can't
be located.
"Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."
Elvis Year
----------
The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's
Elvis year was 1993."
Nyetscape
---------
Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
Link Rot
--------
The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete
as
the sites they're connected to change location or die.
Object Value
------------
In industrial design, a measure of consumers' immediate desire
for an object, even before they know or understand what it does.
"Gassee may be nuts, but at least the BeBox has great object
value."
Chip Jewelry
------------
A euphamism for old computers destined to be scrapped or
turned
into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE,
and now it's nothing but chip jewelry."
CGI Joe
-------
A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and
charisma of a plastic action figure.
Dorito Syndrome
---------------
Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive
substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours
surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito
Syndrome."
Under Mouse Arrest
------------------
Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct.
"Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse
arrest."
Glazing
-------
Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular
pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings.
"Didn't he notice that half the room was glazing by the second
session?"
Dead Tree Edition
-----------------
The paper version of a publication available in both paper and
electronic forms, as in:
"The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."
Egosurfing
----------
Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers
for looking the mention of your name.
Graybar Land
------------
The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's
processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar
creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what
seemed
like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering."
Juice A Brick
-------------
To recharge the big, heavy NiCad batteries used in portable video
cameras. "You better start juicing those bricks, we've got a long
shoot tomorrow."
Open-Collar Workers
-------------------
People who work at home or telecommute.
Shopper-Lifting
---------------
When a store's electronic scanner (usually inadvertantly) prices
an item higher than the price on the store's shelf or in an
advertisement.
Squirt The Bird
---------------
To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are
ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"
Cobweb Site
-----------
A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time.
A
dead web page.
It's a Feature
--------------
From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used
sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience
that you wish to gloss over.
Keyboard Plaque
---------------
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer
keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one
has
a bad case of keyboard plaque."
Batmobiling
-----------
Putting up an emotional shield just as a relationship enters that
intimate, vulnerable stage. Refers to the retractable armor
covering the Batmobile.
Career-Limiting Move (CLM)
--------------------------
Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity.
Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious
CLM.
Midair Passenger Exchange
-------------------------
Grim air-traffic-controller speak for a head-on collision. Midair
passenger exchanges are immediately followed by "aluminum
rain."
Alpha Geek
----------
The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office
or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
Vomit Comet
-----------
A plane used to simulate zero-G for astronaut flight training.
Trainees often get motion sickness inside.
Adminisphere
------------
The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rack
and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve.
Tourists
--------
People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation
from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the
class; the rest were tourists."
Blowing Your Buffer
-------------------
Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are
speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just
said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed.
"Damn, I just blew my buffer!"
Begathon
--------
A TV or radio fund-raiser for a charity, religious organization,
or PBS station that employs every known form of guilt, sweet
talking, and outright begging to get people to fork over the
dough.
Gray Matter
-----------
Older, experienced business people hired by young
entrpreneurial
firms looking to appear more reputable and established.
Bookmark
--------
To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor
borrowed from web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing
his
cool demo at Siggraph."
Beepilepsy
----------
The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go
off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical
spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in
mid-sentence.