Subject: Professor Expectations

Art

Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life.

Biology

Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this life form had developed 500,000 years earlier, with special attention to the probably effect, if any, on the English parliamentary system circa 1750. Prove your thesis.

Chemistry

You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.)

Civil Engineering

This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will support your weight when you and your platform are suspended over a vat of nitric acid.

Computer Science

Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.

Economics

Describe in four hundred words or less what you would have done to prevent the Great Depression.

Electrical Engineering

You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.

General Knowledge

Describe in detail. Be specific.

History

Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and Africa. Be brief can concise, yet specific.

Mathematics

Derive the Euler-Cauchy equations using only a straightedge and compass. Discuss in detail the role these equations had on mathematical analysis in Europe during the 1800s.

Mechanical Engineering

The disassembled parts of a howitzer have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Machine Language. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your actions.

Metaphysics

Describe in detail the probable nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis.

Music

Write a full piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with a clarinet and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

Philosophy

Sketch the development of human thought and estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

Physics

Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an in-depth evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

Political Science

There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

Pre-Med

You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Don't suture until your work as been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

Psychology

Based on your knowledge of their early works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, and Gregory of Nicea. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

Public Speaking

Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin, Hebrew, or Greek.

Religion

Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged.

Sociology

Estimate the sociological problems which might be associated with the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

Extra Credit

Define the universe, and give three examples.