The average Listening Self-Evaluation score is sixty-one, and my score was sixty.  Even though my score is close to average, my individual responses vary widely.  My answers were mostly either seldom and never or always and frequently.  I responded  with occasionally or now and again  only four out of the seventeen questions.  I also had six seldoms or nevers and seven always or frequentlies.  I will consider the questions while evaluating two discussions regarding my answers.  I reviewed my self-evaluation scores with my mother and my friend Rean.
    As the Canadian Association of Student Activity Advisors (CASAA) says, “It is extremely difficult to receive information when your mouth is moving information out at the same time” (Listening 2).  This directly relates to question number one, to which I responded that I always try to top others’ stories with tales of my own.  I know this is true because I am not the only one who notices this.  I am constantly trying to tell a better, funnier, or scarier story than the one I have just heard.  Both Rean and my mom laughed when they read this question, because it so accurately describes my actions.  Sometimes people judge me to be a stage hog, or one who is “interested only in expressing their ideas and do not care about what anyone else has to say” (Adler 214).  However, I am only half a stage hog; while I am too pushy vocalizing my ideas, I do care what others say.
     For the question about a lack of organization preventing me from listening properly, I responded that this occasionally happens to me.  Rean, however, told me that it is not a lack of organization that hinders me, but that I am too organized.  I tend to agree with him.  One of the reasons people do not listen as well as they could is because “we’re often wrapped up in personal concerns of more immediate importance to us than the messages others are sending” (Adler 212).  I try to structure my time very carefully, and sometimes I find myself not listening as well as I should because the conversation I am in does not fit into my schedule of the day.  My mom believes I do not have problems with too much or too little organization.  Her viewpoint may be a little off, however, because she does not see me every day.
    I also said I frequently interrupt people if I want to say something.  Both my mom and Rean agreed wholeheartedly with me.  I know this is one of the major areas I need to work on to improve my interpersonal communication skills.  The problem is that when I have something I want to say, I am afraid I will forget it, so I want to say it right away.  This is a direct result of thinking faster than someone else is talking (Adler 212).  During the time they are talking, I am formulating my ideas and opinions, and I want to express them.  This is another example of stage hog behavior, in which I am also pseudolistening.  Pseudolistening is when someone pretends to be listening to and interested in what the other person is saying, but in their minds they are leagues away (Adler 214).
    Question number four was the first question on which my mom emphatically disagreed with me.  I believe I seldom tune out when others are speaking, and answered as such for questions four and ten; but my mom insists that I do.  “Tuning out,” as I like to call it, is an example of selective listening.  This is when a person only hears certain parts of what someone else is saying (Adler 214).  If I am tuning out, I am not doing it consciously, which would explain why I do not believe I am a selective listener.  My mom believes I practice selective listening because I certainly did when I was little.  She would tell me ten times to clean my room, do my homework, or some such thing.  Although I listened and understood what she said the first time, I would not do it, because I did not feel like it.  After a while, I stopped listening to her when she was telling me to do my chores.  Now that I am in college, she cannot force me to do these things.  Therefore, I am more receptive when she suggests I help her or do something around the house.  To help fix this problem, when I feel myself not paying attention, I should shift positions and try to concentrate more on what the other person is saying (Listening 2).
    My constant failure to repeat what has been said before I act may be linked to my partial stage-hog mentality.  I want to say what I am thinking immediately, and repeating what I have just heard will take longer.  Also, since I tend to think about what I am going to say during the time when others are talking, if I repeat what they say it will be wrong, and I will have to let them go back over what they said so that I understand it.  By repeating what others say, however, I can better grasp their meaning and therefore have a better understanding of what they are saying.  This repetition, while it seems unnecessary at times, will help me to “retain information [and] have a greater chance of becoming successful” (Adler 215) as well as to validate the speaker.
    Another one of my responses not contested by either Rean or my mom was number six.  I always give tons of verbal and non-verbal feedback.   This input is one of the reasons I interrupt a lot.  I want so much to let the other person know I understand what they say that I ask too many questions and the discussion “begin[s] to sound more like a cross-examination than a conversation” (Adler 224).  I need to learn to “stop talking. . . [and] be patient” (Rules 1) so that the speaker feels at ease.
    I believe I am easily able to ignore the tone and pitch a speaker uses, but I am not too sure this is a good thing!  When I read this question, all I could think about was how I misinterpret people when they are joking.  My friends are very sarcastic.  Often, we will be joking around and someone will tell me to just leave the room, or to go away.  They are always playing, but sometimes I can not tell, and that hurts my feelings.  Later on, when discussing my reaction, the offender usually protests, “but I thought you could tell I was joking by the tone of my voice!”  Without prompt, Rean thought of this same problem when he read the question.  I do not believe being able to just hear the words makes me a better listener.
    Question number eight goes along these same lines.  I frequently let emotionally charged words get me annoyed.  This is because I cannot tell if the speaker intends to irritate me, or if he is just kidding around.  These two examples of defensive listening, where I take “innocent comments as personal attacks” (Adler 214), probably, as my mom suggested, stem from my experiences in middle school.  My friends from fifth to ninth grade genuinely did not like me.  They always meant for me to go away, and they wanted the words they threw at me to hurt.  Therefore, any time I hear similar things, I feel like I am an outcast again, no matter how kindly or how jokingly people say these things.
    I frequently forget to use other people’s names in brief conversation, but that is because I do not remember the name.  I have many friends whom I consider very close, but I just can never remember their names!  This shows both pseudolistening, in that I am not really listening when the person tells me their name, and selective listening, where their name does not really interest me, so I do not pay attention.  This, along with being a perceived stage hog, is one of my worst interpersonal skills.  One of the main reasons to listen is “to build and maintain relationships” (Adler 215), and I cannot do that very well if I do not remember a person’s name!  Rean said he had noticed that when I see certain people, I never introduce him to them because I have forgotten their names.
     Every now and again I criticize the speaker in my mind.  I feel bad doing this not only because it is bad listening form, but also I would not want someone to do it to me!  To be an effective listener, it is important to “help the speaker feel at ease” (Rules 1).  If I am putting him down in my mind, I am obviously not making him feel more comfortable.  Neither my mom nor Rean could vouch for this question, as they cannot see into my head.
    Another way to let a speaker know you are paying attention is to take notes.  I always take notes during lectures and phone calls to help me remember the important points of what is said.  This lets the speaker know that what he is saying is important, and gives “an attitude that shows you want to listen” (Rules 1).  Taking notes will help improve listening skills as well as increase one’s ability to “concentrate on what the speaker is saying” (Listening 2).  My mom, after reading this question, pointed out that I always have pen and paper in hand while on the phone, and it is usually full of information after I finish the conversation.
    Rean and my mom both argued with me about question number thirteen.  I said that every now and again I let distractions interfere with listening.  They pointed out that if I am anywhere where there are other people not involved in the conversation, I usually spend half the time watching them.  Rean also noted that if the TV is on while I am listening, I usually miss entire ideas without even being a good pseudolistener.  My reply was “Yeah, but I can listen and not look at someone!”  Wrong!  The CASAA says, “you can be a better listener when you look at the other person” (Listening 1).
    Unfortunately, I also frequently act like I understand technical things when I do not.  I do this, though, so I do not appear dumb.  I must do a pretty good job of it, too, because Rean had no idea I did not understand some of the things he was explaining.  I now realize this, too, makes me a less effective listener.  If I do not understand what someone is talking about, I will not be able to empathize with him, and empathy is an important part of being a good listener (Rules 1).  It also hurts people’s feelings when I tell them later that I did not understand them, but that I just did not feel like asking them to clarify.
    I seldom fail to recognize when I am too tired or upset to be an effective listener.  Even though I recognize this, however, I do not usually take action. I will tell the person with whom I am talking that I am too tired to talk and think, but they do not pay attention to me and keep on going.  This may be more of a problem on their part, because they are not effectively listening to me.  I know it makes them mad, though, when I fall asleep while they are talking to me.  In this case, the speaker is forgetting that “the receiver must therefore be an active participant for the cycle of communication to be complete” (Listening 2).  When I am too tired to participate, communication is not occurring.  Neither my mom nor Rean noticed this behavior in me.  This is probably because they are both good listeners.  I chose only good listeners to go over this with me, because I feel much closer to them than to people who do not pay attention to what I say.
    I only slump in my chair during class every now and again.  I find that when I do, I do not understand as well what the teacher is saying, and I usually fall asleep more easily.  The CASAA says that “it therefore becomes important to change our physical body language from that of a deflector to that of a receiver, much like a satellite dish” (Listening 1).  I do not have any classes with Rean or my mom, so they could not judge how much I slouch in class.
    I frequently give advice when someone tells me their problems, but that is because they usually come to me seeking advice.  They know that after I have heard their story, I will tell them a similar story and how I handled the situation.  Although this may be seen as stage hog-esque behavior, I usually wait until they ask me to give them advice before telling them my stories.  In this way, my listening to their story and then trying to let them know that they are not alone and what I did in a similar situation, I am achieving one of the goals of listening-- “to help others” (Adler 215).  This is also an example of a directive response.  These “contain the receiver’s assessment of what the speaker has just said and they state or imply what the receiver thinks the speaker should do” (Adler 229).  Rean, too, gives advice frequently, and he agreed that giving advice is not necessarily a bad thing.
    Although a great deal  of my behavior can be categorized  as stage-hog, I feel that I balance being a pretty good listener with cheering people up and giving advice.  My problem areas are interrupting, trying to one up others’ stories, not organizing or organizing too much, being a defensive listener and acting like I understand when I really do not.  I now realize that I am not as good of a listener as I thought before doing this project, but I could be a lot worse.  I definitely have some strengths, however, such as visibly paying attention to and focusing on the speaker.  Some of my stage hog behavior can be explained by directive responses, as well, which means they are not really all that bad.  It was interesting to compare my answers with Rean and my mom.  They provided some helpful insights and let me know which self-perceptions were not very accurate.  Having these two extreme strengths and weaknesses caused my score to be close to the average, while few of my actual answers were average.

Bibliography
Adler, Ronald B., Lawrence B Rosenfeld, Neil Towne, and Russell F. Proctor, II.  Interplay:  The Process of Interpersonal Communication.  7th ed.  Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt Brace, 1998.
Listening Skills.  Canadian Association of Student Activity Advisors.  14 Oct 1999.  <http://www.sentex.net/~casaa/resources/sourcebook/acquiring-leadership-skills/listening-skills.html>.
Rules for Effective Listening.  15 Oct 1999.  Commander, Naval Air Reserve Force Information Systems Office.  15 Oct 1999.  <http://cnarfn7.cnrf.nola.navy.mil/po3indoc/sld042.htm>.