#8.5 Trixie Belden in Second Degree Burned: The Naked (wet) Truth

“It’s a formula! A very simple formula! Everyone’s a suspect!”

-Jamie Kennedy (Randy Meeks), Scream

Prologue: The Last Victim (and a new beginning)

Sixteen year old Trixie Belden got ready for bed after a lazy summer day. Summer was still new enough for Trixie to appreciate lazy days without school, longs nights, and morning where she didn’t have to be up at the crack of dawn. As much as she had cried watching her brother Brian and her dear friend Jim graduate a few days before, there was still a long summer of fun ahead with the Bob-Whites still together, and today was only the first of many fun filled days that lay ahead before they left for college.

Trixie smiled as she got ready for bed, remembering how much fun she had had that day riding, swimming, and hanging out with her very best friends that day, and the thought of another day like that waiting for her tomorrow brought yet another smile.

As Trixie finished buttoning up her pajamas, she took one look out of her window at the night sky. She then turned back the covers on her bed, meticulously made that morning, and quickly slid into bed. Trixie immediately felt her legs slide under something cold and slimy. She went rigid, trying to determine what it was. A dreadful suspicion began to form in her head, and the more she thought about it, the more she began to tremble.

Unable to suppress her fears any longer, Trixie say bolt upright and threw the covers off of her bed. She let out a bloodcurdling scream when she saw a full grown copperhead snake draped over her legs. Unable to control her panic, she kicked it wildly across the room, and continued to scream.

*******

Brian emerged from her room a few minutes later, where the concerned family waited in the hall. Trixie was still sobbing on her father’s shoulder.

“It’s dead,” he said, his voice shaking with anger. “It has been for awhile. It was probably already dead when it was put there.”

Mrs. Belden let out a gasp and a low sob. “You mean someone put it there? Who would do such as thing?”

*******

Part One: Rules for the Sequel

Diana Lynch normally liked to sleep in more than any of the other Bob-Whites did during the summer. But with the full day of fun planned, excitement had her up at the crack of dawn.

Something she noticed changed all of her plans in an instant. It was as she rinsed her hair out in the shower, that she happened to look up and notice a strange black cylinder connected to a black wire. At the end of the cylinder was a glass bulb that looked very much like a fish eye. A sudden suspicion filled her with rage. She reached up and yanked down the object. Upon closer inspection, the bulb appeared to be some kind of lens.

Di let out of cry of outrage, and threw the lens over the top of the shower curtain and quickly rinsed herself off. She quickly emerged into her bathroom to see another identical camera attached to the same cable hidden cleverly above the light over the mirror.

She gave another cry of outrage and yanked this one down too. Following the cable with her eyes, she quickly gathered up the two cameras and cable, and started to systematically yank it down and follow it to it’s source.

Not even bothering to dry off, and stopping only long enough to throw on a T-shirt and pair of panties, she continued pulling out and coiling up cable in her quest to see where it led.

The trail led out of her room and into the hall. So intent was she in gathering up cable that she ignored the startled double take by Miss Bruger the cleaning lady as she passed by the guest room she was vacuuming.

Harrison rounded the corner. Di only stopped briefly to look up and giggle, because for the first time in recorded history, Harrison lost his composure and stood gaping open-mouthed for nearly 10 seconds before he fled, nearly falling down the stairs in his haste to exit.

So he’s a normal human male after all.

Di was soon preoccupied again with following and yanking out cable. Her quest led her to the large window at the end of the hall on that wing. The cable led out a cracked window. Peering out, she saw it led to some kind of dish, very similar to the Direct TV dish on the other side of the house, attached to the wall.

She calmly set the cable and cameras down and went back to her room in search of some kind of tool. She returned a few minutes later with a metal nail file, and several other odds and ends she had found. She opened the window wide and carefully leaned out to pry at the nails and screws until she could grab the dish and bring it inside. She carefully closely the window again, took one look at the whole surveillance kit, gave a disgusted sigh, gathered it all up, and made her way back to her room.

*******

Ten minutes later, a very nervous and fidgeting Corey Dawson sat in Di’s room as she paced back and forth angrily. A great deal of his apprehension was from the fact that Di wasn’t much drier than she had been when she had left the shower, and wasn’t any more dressed than what she had put on to wander the halls. Normally Corey wasn’t one to lose his composure over something like this, but Di seemed so mad that he knew one wrong move would get him in really serious trouble, and it simply wasn’t something he had expected to see after being woken up so early in the morning (or ever for that matter).

As Di explained what happened, the only time she made note of it was to snap at him once with a, “You can blink now!” This of course made him wince and even more uptight. He wasn’t sure how many more shocks to his system he was going to be able to take this early in the morning.

It was after Di had repeated the story for the forth time, and expressed her outrage for about the seventh, when Corey finally regained enough of his wits to say something.

“Alright! Alright! Calm down and let’s think this through.”

“I don’t think there is anything to think about. I remember good and damn well who burned me last time by giving himself a free show.”

“Brad? I very seriously doubt it.”

“Why not? He proved to be Sleepyside’s most technically proficient joker last time.”

“Yeah, but he got in a serious heap of trouble over that. He has had use of his computer back for all of three days now, and I don’t think he wants to risk losing it again. On top of which I think even though his punishment for all that is officially over, his dad is going to keep a serious eye on him. It wouldn’t surprise me if his dad is getting a full digital report on every place Brad decides to log onto. He is the one hooking Sleepyside up with Net access, and easily has the capabilities to watch his son through the server.”

“Then who is it?”

“I have no idea. But it looks like the show is starting again.”

“The show?”

“What else would it be? The whole purpose of a practical joke is to entertain the joker. They staged a pretty good show for themselves before Spring Break, and now it looks like they decided to stage the sequel.”

“They?”

“Yeah. It’s beginning to look like Brad wasn’t alone. You and I were so focused on the incriminating evidence against Brad, that we neglected to think that he may have had an accomplice.”

“But if Brad got in so much trouble, then why didn’t he rat out his partner.”

“Hard to say. Maybe his partner wasn’t all that involved, but knew about the campaign of terror. Or maybe Brad was just loyal enough to take the fall for him. But it looks like the partner is stepping up to bat.”

Di silently fumed again for a moment as she paced.

“So how do we catch him?”

“Let’s think this through. Based on what happened to you, I would say the sequel is being patterned after the first reign of terror. The show will be similar, but it will be a proper sequel.”

“What do you mean?”

“There are rules for a sequel. Each joke has to be more elaborate and humiliating. I think each burn will be similar, but done on a grander scale. Looking at this stuff,” Corey said motioning to the gear on the floor, “this has been the case so far. Two digital lipstick cameras, Cat 5 Ethernet cable, and digital transmission capability. Someone spent a heap of cash and went through a lot of trouble to see you naked.”

Di flushed with anger again, but then gave a sudden startled gasp. “Do you think they posted this on the Net. What could you do with a movie like this?”

“I doubt it. Not even Brad enough was dumb enough to post a calling card like that last time. When I hacked, that’s not how I caught him. It was much more a hunch and dumb luck. This little film is now probably a high resolution .mpeg or unmarked video tape. An .mpeg is postable, but I think our joker is going to keep it for his own personal viewing. If he plays it smart, he won’t even show it to his friends, or let anyone know he has it until much later. If he’s really smart, he won’t even keep it on his hard drive when he is online.”

Di flushed with anger at the thought of a bunch of immature teenaged boys watching a movie of her shower.

“But why be predictable at all?” Di asked when she calmed down. “Why not just use a new set of burns that we won’t be able to predict?”

“That’s still a possibility, but this guy is good, and may just want to flaunt the fact that predictable or not, he can still pull these off. Think about what he’s already done. He had to have seriously gone on the prowl to get this setup installed without you knowing it.”

Di froze, suddenly rattled with what he had implied. It hadn’t occurred to her yet that someone had to have broken in to do this.

“So how can we catch him?” she finally asked.

“We have a few leads. If this is a true sequel, then we have some idea of what to look for. I think we can assume that our joker has the same information that Brad had, on how to best get us.”

“So based on the last reign of terror, we can make the following generalizations. He knew how to best embarrass you and did it again. To get Brian the same way, he will try to get him in some kind of trouble to make him lose his cool, and not be the sensible mellow Brian that everyone knows and likes. To get Jim, he will try to get someone like a teacher or respected member of the community to lose respect for him. To get Honey, he will take advantage of how timid and sensitive she is or can be I should say. To get Dan, he will have to somehow mess up or complicate his life. Mart’s burn was kind of a generic one that didn’t have much to do with the way Mart is, but if this established a pattern the burn will get him in serious trouble with Mrs. Belden again.”

“But there are two people who are in serious trouble.”

“Who!?” Di asked, now completely drawn into Corey’s theorizing.

“Me and Trixie.”

“You? Why?”

“I never actually got made, but I think Brad seriously suspects who the ‘killer in the closet’ was. I can’t even begin to imagine what this joker is going to do to one up that one. And Trixie . . .”

Di shuddered. “Trixie doesn’t scare or embarrass easily. This burn is going to be very serious.”

“Especially since she escaped last time.”

Di and Corey silently pondered this for a moment.

“So who are our suspects?” she finally asked him.

“Well, to start with, he have to look at and systematically eliminate the inner circle.”

“The inner circle?”

“Someone known well and close to the Bob-Whites. Someone with the access to you and the gang who could set these things up without being made or arousing suspicion. Now I think we can pretty much eliminate the actual Bob-Whites.”

“Okay,” Di agreed.

“And I think we can eliminate your better friends over the last school year like Lester Mundy and his club.”

“It could still be Lester. He backslides every now and then.”

“But he wasn’t part of the original gags. And even before you recruited him to help you at the party, I didn’t suspect him. He doesn’t have the patience, or mean streak to do things like that.”

“Okay. Who else does that leave who has been a friend of the Bob-Whites over the last year.”

“Well, there is Tad and the Hawks. I think we can eliminate them.”

“Yeah,” Di agreed. “Tad hates computers. He and the Hawks spend all their time doing extra practice for the sports they play.”

“And Jane Morgan. She wasn’t always on the best of terms with the Bob-Whites.”

“But she was already going out with Tad pretty seriously when Spring Break came around. They hooked up over Christmas when they helped us with that case. She spends all the time she can with him. I don’t think she would have spent any time with Brad.”

“Okay. That leaves me. But we’ll move on.”

“Wait!” Di said, turning and looking at him suspiciously. “Why not you. You could have abused our trust. You certainly would have enjoyed the show, and you have the technical know how.”

Corey looked up at her speculatively.

“Yeah. I suppose I could have. But if I’m a suspect, then you are too.”

“Me?”

“How do we know this stuff filmed anything at all? It would have been much easier for you to set this all up yourself to throw everyone off than it would have been for me to get in here and set it all up.”

Di pondered that for a moment. “Okay. You’re right. Let’s move on. Who does that leave us?”

“Well, it could be an adult, but I can’t see any of your parents or servants doing something like this.”

“No. Probably not,” Di agreed.

They silently pondered.

“Did you see exactly which way the dish was pointed? It was probably a line of sight transmission.”

“No,” said Di sadly. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“It’s okay. The receiving dish was probably taken down as soon as the joker realized you had found the camera.”

Di and Corey silently thought again while Di paced.

“Wait!” Di suddenly exclaimed turning to face him. “We don’t have to figure out who this is! Brad already knows! Even if he is keeping his nose clean to stay out of hot water with his father, he has to know who his accomplice was.”

Corey smiled. “Yeah. He would know. But he is going to keep his distance and pretend like he doesn’t know anything, because any connection is going to get him in trouble again.”

“We’ll just have to be extra careful when we watch him. Will you help me?”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I need to be able to see him. Hear him talk. Watch his body language. That’s what I’m good at. I’ll have to figure out how to best do that.”

“So what do I do?”

“You do what you do best. Just like you did last time. Hack.”

Corey’s eyes narrowed. “Di, this is going to be much more dangerous than it was last time. If Brad is already being watched by his Dad through root at the server, then I am going to not only have to watch him, but make sure I don’t get made by the watcher with superuser access. If I get made, the joker won’t have a chance to burn me, because I’ll be getting burned by federal agents.”

“Just be clever. I know you’ll think of something. Don’t brute force it. Be sneaky.”

Corey leaned back exasperatedly for a moment as he tried to think. He suspected that whatever he figured out was going to be time consuming and mean some more long nights.

“Just think,” Di teased, “Somewhere on the joker’s system might be the movie.”

Corey got a mischievous glint in his eye. With his composure regained, he sat up and let his eyes obviously wander.

“Di,” he stated, “Movie or no movie, I don’t think I’m going to forget what I’ve been privileged to see this morning for quite some time.”

All of the embarrassment that Di had been too mad to initially feel, and later too absorbed in the conversation to remember hit all at once in a giant sweeping wave. She took one look down at her soaked shirt and underwear, and blushed scarlet. She quickly crossed her arms over her chest, turned her side to him, made her way quickly to her walk-in closet and closed the door behind her.

Corey laughed. “I’ll see if I can figure something out,” he called as he got up. “I’ll call you later.”

Part 2: Let the show begin

It was to a captive audience of the other female Bob-Whites that Di recounted her morning in the Bob-White clubhouse that afternoon. Trixie and Honey couldn’t help but grin as Di laid out the case.

Trixie then recounted the horror of her the night before.

“That’s terrible!” Di exclaimed as Honey nodded her agreement. “You got burned way worse than I did.”

Trixie nodded solemnly. “I think if I weren’t so used to other kinds of snakes, I would have probably died of a heart attack.”

Honey shuddered. “I would have died. That’s all there is to it.”

When Trixie finally spoke again, she looked up at Di with a smile, “so what do we do now chief?”

Di was a bit taken aback.

“What do you mean?”

“You and Corey seemed to have already organized this whole investigation already. I just wanted to know what Honey and I needed to do.”

Di blushed slightly and smiled sheepishly. “I guess go over the patterns that Corey said the joker established and try to predict what is going to happen next.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Like I said, I think I need to find some way to watch him, to see if he reveals what he knows about the joker’s identity.”

“How are you going to do that?” Honey asked.

“I thought about it all day, and came up with the perfect plan.”

“What?!” Honey and Trixie chorused.

“I’m going to ask him out.”

Trixie and Honey both burst into laughter. “That’s perfect!” Trixie said when she finally caught her breath. “Do you think he’ll agree to go out with you?”

“It’s hard to tell with anti-social geeks like that, but I know he at least enjoys looking at me, in one fashion or another.”

“That’s true,” Trixie agreed. “So where is Corey right now? What’s his part?”

“Last I spoke with him, he was going to take a nap before beginning his hacking. He spent all day making some sort of arrangements he needed to make to do his hacking without getting caught. He said not to expect to see him for awhile, because this was going to be long and time consuming.”

“Oh,” Trixie said, sounding disappointed that she couldn’t see him.

“In the mean time we need to be very very careful,” Di warned. “These burns are really really bad ones. We need to warn the boys.”

Honey nodded in agreement. “At least you two are off the hook already. I’m scared to think what this joker is going to do to me to one up what he did last time.”

The three girls pondered their problem in silence for another minute before Trixie looked up at Di quizzically.

“You really talked to him without getting dressed? And he had the presence of mind to discuss a case?”

Di blushed with embarrassment again and turned her head away without answering.

*******

Honey lay pensively in bed that night, unable to sleep. Although she was very tired, she was worried about the fact that she was now a target for a new joker. She kept remembering back to the painfully realistic looking dead cat she had found in her locker, and shivered at the possibility of what could be worse than that.

As hard as she tried to forget about it and go to sleep, the more pensive she grew and the more her anxiety grew. She finally sat up in her bed, and wiped the sweat off of her forehead with the back of her hand.

Honey Wheeler! Relax! Nothing is going to happen to you. Di, Corey and Trixie will get to the bottom of this. And even if they don’t solve it right away, nothing is going to happen to you tonight. Just get some sleep so that you can help them tomorrow.

As she finally calmed down, she lay back and now found herself sleepless from restlessness and irritation.

After tossing and turning for several minutes, she sat up once again in irritation and threw the covers back.

Now I’m all sweaty and agitated.

After pondering her situation a moment, she got up and went to her bathroom to splash some cold water on her face. As she turned the faucets off and dried her face with a hand towel, she heard a peculiar creaking noise. She went frigid, even afraid to lean far enough back up to look in the mirror. She peaked up with her eyes, and finally managed to look into the empty mirror. Letting out a sigh that was partially relief and partially disgust, she stood back up again and looked at herself in the mirror.

Get a grip on yourself Honey! You’re not the same scared little rich girl you were when you moved here.

Honey turned off the light in the bathroom and walked back to her bed, absentmindedly closing the door to her closet.

Within another few minutes of tossing and turning, she realized she was already getting sweaty again.

This is hopeless. I’m too hot to sleep.

After a another minute of deliberation, she angrily threw the covers back and sat up again. This time she made her way to the knob on the far wall that controlled the recently upgraded Manor House air conditioning. She turned the knob over one notch, and instantly heard the air conditioner’s motor kick in to high gear. She stood there silently for a few minutes enjoying the refreshing flow of cool air coming directly out of the vent above her that blew her hair around her head. She stood there savoring it until it started to maker her feel cold. She was just about to walk out from under the air flow and go back to bed when she heard another very audible creak. She went stiff again, focusing her eyes on the switch on the wall directly in front of her.

She was unsure how long she stood there frigid before she had the courage to turn around. Noticing nothing different about her room, she quickly turned the rest of the way and walked back to her bed, nearly seething.

What’s the matter with you? Why are you so jumpy?

It wasn’t until she was climbing into bed that she noticed that her closet door was open a crack.

Didn’t I close it?

She slowly stood back down on the floor again and looked at it intently in the moonlight that poured through her window.

I could have swore that I closed it.

She was once again unsure how long she stood there before she finally stepped forward and walked to the door. Without fully opening it, and hence, keeping it’s interior bathed in blackness, she reached around the inside handle, and found some of her shirts and blouses on hangers hanging on the inside doorknob.

See Honey? Nothing to trip out over. It just didn’t close right.

She took the hangers and blindly reached up until she found the bar in the closet and hung them up. She then closed the door firmly, and made her way back to bed.

Honey pulled the covers back up over her legs and stretched one last time before laying back, when the creaking began again.

Honey looked up in horror to see her closet door open by itself a crack.

Now her sweat was cold, and she found herself clutching at the covers tightly.

“Junior?” she called softly. “Patch? Is that you?”

The door creaked open a little further, and Honey went white with fright. Finally, a seeming eternity of tense moments later, the door swung fully open with a eerie but resounding creak. Honey, now shaking, intently tried to focus on the contents of her closet and let her eyes adjust to the moonlight that diffracted around the door and partially illuminated the interior.

Much to her horror, she made out the shape of a tall, deformed figure standing silently. A moment later she could hear a raspy breathing. It had what seemed to be misshapen features, with an eerie distorted but emotionless facial expression. Honey felt her heart start to race as the raspy breathing grew louder. Then the figure started to shift.

Honey felt a scream rising in her throat. In a vain attempt to control it, it first started to escape as a low cry that gradually grew louder and louder.

Without warning, the figure sprung out of the closet at her, it’s limbs flailing wildly in the air as it sailed across the room and landed on her bed on top of her.

Honey’s cry went to a full scream, and she began to thrash and flail wildly to get the enormous and heavy cretin off of her.

Just as she stopped to gasp for breath, she noticed that she had torn an arm off the attacking figure and that both the shoulder stump and dismembered limb were bleeding profusely.

This only renewed the intensity with which Honey screamed and thrashed. Soon a bleeding dismembered leg flew off the bed, and then, much to her added horror, bloody organs started falling out of the figures torso. . . .

*******

Honey couldn’t stop form screaming and crying in the hall as Miss Trask and Mrs. Wheeler tried to get her to calm down. Celia finally came up with a few pills and a glass of water.

Jim and Mr. Wheeler came out of Honey’s room a few minutes later.

It’s a dummy,” Jim announced. “One like they use in medical school to teach surgeons what the insides really look like. Kind of like the biology teacher has, except not plastic, and much more lifelike. Looks like someone filled our boy up with dyed corn syrup though.”

Mr. Wheeler held up a motorized spring on a remote control, a tape recorder and a hydraulic catapult like those used by Hollywood stuntmen for huge leaps.

Mrs. Wheeler became livid. “Who would do such a thing?!”

*******

The Bob-Whites of the Glen sat silently and solemnly in their clubhouse the next day as Honey paced back and forth raging, like no one had ever seen her rage before.

It reminded Dan a great deal of a scene from the Untouchables, with Robert DeNiro as Al Capone, raging in a similar fashion.

“I WANT HIM BURNED! I WANT HIS FAMILY BURNED! I WANT HIS HOUSE BURNED TO THE GROUND AND THEN I WANT SOMEONE TO PISS ON THE ASHES. I WANT YOU TO FIND EVERYONE HE CARES ABOUT AND BURN THEM. I WANT TO BURN EVERYONE HE’S EVER MET!”

The Bob-Whites sat silently until Honey finished raging and calmed down.

Jim was the first to speak. His voice was cold and deliberate as he spoke. “Sounds like we failed to teach these jokers a lesson after the last string of burns.”

“You suggesting what I think you’re suggesting,” Brian asked calmly, but angrily.

“Yeah.”

“As proclaimed in the Cold War,” Mart started, “when deterrence fails, there remains only one option: Mutual Assured Destruction.”

“Agreed,” Dan said. “Let’s find this wise guy and burn him to the ground.”

The clubhouse was quiet for a moment before Jim spoke again.

“Di. Do you think you give the rest of us the details of the case so that we can be on guard and all start looking into this?”

Di nodded, got up and filled in the club on the conclusions she and Corey had drawn and what she planned to do. As she finished, she looked about the clubhouse.

“Any questions?”

Dan looked at her speculatively, and although Di had left out certain details of the story, he obviously had something on his mind. “Did you really talk to Corey while that underdressed?”

Di blushed and turned away. The rest of the Bob-Whites turned away from her trying to hide their smiles.

*******

The following Saturday, Dan was paid a visit by Hannah Marie Watson, his girlfriend of about seven months. She drove down from Binghamton to visit whenever she could. Very wary of how the last practical joker had temporarily destroyed his relationship with her, he made it a point to explain to her at length what was going on as they sat together on the couch in Mr. Maypenny’s cabin. Dan had risen very early to take care of his rounds and chores, and with Mr. Maypenny away for the day, he decided it would be the safest if he and Hannah didn’t go out for the day.

As he concluded his story, Hannah gave a good natured laugh.

“Sounds like this guy is pretty serious. I can handle a day in though,” she said reaching over and taking his hand. “What did you have in mind?”

“I rented some movies from Mr. Lytell. And we can always go through my record collection and just listen to some music. I’ll make us lunch later, and then maybe later if our joker hasn’t shown up we could go for a walk in the woods. Should be safe enough.”

Hannah smiled again. “Sounds good to me.”

*******

True to Dan’s hopes and plans, they had a very pleasant day together, and as the sun made it’s way down towards the horizon late that afternoon, Dan and Hannah went for a walk.

Upon returning, Hannah made her way over to the table where she left her handbag. Upon looking through it, she found something unusual: some tampons. Not ever having used them, she gathered them up and looked at them.

“How did these get here?”

Dan looked up in alarm and ran over.

“Be careful!” he warned.

She curiously but carefully looked them over. “The top is slightly torn open,” she noted. She carefully reached up to the tip and pulled back the torn paper with a long fingernail. “And it’s covered with something white and slimly.”

Dan quickly snatched one away from her and tested the slimly substance with the tip of his finger. As he rubbed some of it between his forefinger and thumb, he immediately began to get warm.

“This is Icy Hot!” he raged. “Someone coated those tampons with Icy Hot!”

Hannah gasped at the horrified realization of what the intended joke was and dropped the tampons on the table.

“That’s NOT EVEN FUNNY!” Dan raged as he grabbed them off the table and made his way to the bathroom.

Dan was seething as he dropped the contaminated tampon dispensers in the toilet and flushed. He looked over the bowl to make sure they flushed properly when he noticed something odd. As the water poured over the bowl cleaning cake hanging under the rim, it began to sizzle and snap. Upon closer inspection, it looked like it was made from a blackish metal instead of the usual blue flaky stuff. There was a sudden funny smell. Dan also noticed that the water flushing into the bowl was tinged black.

“OOOOOHHH SHIT!”

KA-BOOM!

Dan came around to the distant sound of Hannah gently shaking him and asking in a sobbing voice if he was okay. He felt very bruised and battered. His ears were ringing, and he noticed he was laying in several inches of water that was still gushing up out of the floor through the fractured white porcelain sculpture that used to be the toilet. The sink and shower stall were cracked in numerous places, chipped and powdered plaster still rained down gently from the ceiling and the mirror over the sink was cracked and tilted.

Dan slowly sat up in a daze. When he looked at his hands he suddenly realized they were tinged black. He stood up quickly and would have fallen from dizziness if Hannah hadn’t grabbed him. When he regained his footing, he looked in the mirror and noticed portions of his face were tinged very black too.

“Silver Nitrate,” he said calmly. Hannah looked at him questioningly.

“Looks like you’re boyfriend is going to be black in the face for awhile.”

Hannah just hugged him and held him, grateful that he was okay.

“I’d better turn off the pump and find a pipe wrench and shut off the water to the bathroom before this turns into a real lake.

*******

The Bob-Whites took a solemn vote the next day at the clubhouse. Although Dan had kept the true nature of the explosion a secret from Mr. Maypenny, they had long since figured out the nature of the trap. From Dan’s description, Brian guessed that the cake had been replaced with a small chunk of pure Sodium metal, and that the reservoir of Silver Nitrate had been somewhere in the tank to taint the water that flushed into the bowl. Since pure sodium reacts so violently to water, the act of the flushing water pouring over the metal was enough to cause the explosion which sent the tainted water all over Dan.

Thankfully, since the Silver Nitrate had been so diluted, the blackness wasn’t as bad as it would have been if his skin had been directly exposed to the pure solution. But the light black patches of skin were still very visible.

Mr. Maypenny had written off the accident to “that new fangled plumbing stuff that wasn’t worth a damn,” and was more than happy to start using the outhouse outside again. He did assure Dan that he would talk to Mr. Wheeler about getting the bathroom fixed as quickly as possible.

But the Bob-Whites, concerned about the very dangerous nature of the prank were now voting on whether or not to go to the authorities.

Much to Trixie’s surprise, the vote was unanimous to find the joker and burn him themselves.

They immediately went into council of war.

“Di,” Jim asked, “Have you had a chance to ask Brad out yet? Have you had a chance to watch him?”

“No,” Di said with exasperation. “I called him last night. He’s been out of town for several days. He left right after school got out. Went to visit family out of state. He won’t be back for another week.”

“The perfect alibi,” Dan grumbled. “Has Corey turned anything up yet?”

“I haven’t talked to him, but I doubt it. Even if he is up and running with his discreet hacking, Brad isn’t around to be watched, even digitally.”

“Have you girls figured anything out yet?” Jim asked.

“No!” Di exclaimed with exasperation. “This is all happening so fast. Trixie got burned Wednesday night, I got burned Thursday morning, Honey got burned Thursday night, and Dan got burned Saturday. And today is Sunday. We won’t even have our unwitting informant to tail or watch until this coming Friday. In five days, we’ll all be burned to a crisp.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Trixie said. “We don’t have much to go on.”

“I thought we did,” Di exclaimed. “I thought Corey and I worked up a pretty good theory.”

“You did,” Brian reassured, “But it has been proved wrong. That’s the whole problem with theories. As sound as they may seem, they aren’t always right. We have been hit out of order, and now, out of pattern. The tampon prank would have fit into your “joke that will mess up Dan’s life” template you had established, because if he hadn’t said anything about what’s going on, she would have blamed him. But it was just bait for the real burn.”

“Then we’ll just have to come up with another one,” Honey said bluntly. “Let’s work it.”

“I’ve been trying, but nothing else seems to come to mind,” Di pouted.

“Perhaps your cognitive processes can be successfully replicated by an approximation of the original circumstances,” Mart began. “I’m sure the possessors of the Y chromosome present would be more than ecstatic if you would discuss this enigma with us garbed only in moistened undergarments. Did you really talk to him that underdressed?”

Di shot Mart a venomous look, and once again, the Bob-Whites turned to hide their smiles.

*******

Life went on as normal for the next two days. The tension became nearly unbearable as the Bob-Whites waited with a overwhelming sense of dread to see who was going to be the next victim.

However, the initial days of laziness the parents had allowed at the end of school were now over, and the regular summer routine of work was upon them.

Jim returned from a long hard day of helping Dan on the preserve and helping Mr. Maypenny fix the bathroom plumbing. He was hot, sweaty and tired. As he wandered through the trees and passed the lake, the idea of jumping in to cool off seemed more and more appealing.

The thought of going all the way up to the Manor House to change made him tired just thinking about it. As he walked around the edge of the lake, the water became more and more appealing.

He soon stopped, and turned to look at the water.

Screw it. I’m gonna cool off right now.

Jim stepped back in the trees long enough to strip naked, stuff his clothes under a tree root; he then ran out and jumped in the lake with a loud yell.

He laughed, swam and splashed around by himself until he felt sufficiently cooled off, and after making sure the coast was clear, he emerged from the water and went in search of this clothes. They were missing.

Jim blinked at the spot for several moments before bursting into laughter.

Wow. All these burns going on, and I get hit by the officially oldest one in the book. Oh well. It’s no more than I deserve for being so stupid.

Jim entered the water again until he could figure out what to do next. He looked at the boathouse at the far end of the lake.

Well, I suppose that’s the closest point to the house. I guess I’ll have to hope that Nailor has gone home for the day and everyone is inside avoiding the heat. Maybe I can find Regan, and he can help me out before I go inside.

Jim began the long swim to the other side of the lake, sticking to the shallows along the side and swimming slowly to conserve his strength.

When he finally reached the boathouse, he tread water for a few minutes, and then begrudgingly swam up to the pier.

It’s not getting any earlier. May as well make a run for it now.

Jim pulled himself out of the water, and calmly walked down the pier. No sooner had he made it halfway, when a large group of women emerged around the corner of the boathouse. Among them were Mrs. Belden, Mrs. Wheeler, and all the other members of the Sleepyside Garden Club. Mrs. Belden’s back was initially turned to Jim as she lectured the group on the wild flowers and plants that grew by the side of the lake. Jim froze. It was several moments before he was noticed.

There was a startled shriek from the group of women, and Mrs. Wheeler gasped very loudly. “JIM!?” she exclaimed in a shrill voice.

Mrs. Belden turned quickly to see what the fuss was about, and when she laid her eyes on Jim, she fainted dead away.

Several women rushed forth to help her, while others could only stare open mouthed. Jim simply smiled, waved and started to walk toward the house. A path cleared as he calmly walked through the group of women, clearing back like he was a leper. He could still feel all the eyes watching as he passed.

The last thing Jim heard as he made his way up to the house was a woman whisper, “If I were ten years younger . . . .”

*******

It was that very night at the Manor House that Jim recounted his tale to the other Bob-Whites.

“It was very embarrassing,” Jim recounted, “but what was I supposed to do?”

“I still think you got off easy,” Trixie snorted. “You didn’t have anything to be ashamed of for them to see,” she added in a teasing tone.

Jim just laughed. “I think your mother has other ideas.”

“I don’t know if she’ll ever recover,” Trixie replied sarcastically with a short laugh.

“It could have been a lot worse,” Jim agreed. “But I’m guessing that the joker couldn’t resist this target of opportunity when I was dumb enough to give it to him.”

“But then again,” Jim continued, “it could have gone a lot better too. It would have been okay to be that wet and undressed if I had just been discussing a case with Corey . . .”

Jim slipped in and delivered his ending remark so matter-of-factly that it took Di a full minute to realize what he meant and catch his jest.

When she turned with surprise, she found him just smiling at her in return.

“Did you really talk to him ALL that time that underdressed?”

“OOOHHHHhhh!” Di stormed angrily as she strode out of the room. The Bob-Whites burst into laughter.

*******

Brian Belden drove down the road in his Jalopy on his way to White Plains. Mrs. Belden needed certain things from stores in White Plains that she simply couldn’t get in Sleepyside, and when she was too busy to get these things herself she often sent Brian.

On this particular day, he was a bit more dressed up than usual. This was because this was the first of these kinds of outings where he was accompanied by his girlfriend Honey, who also dressed up. He had a quick laugh to himself as he picked her up that afternoon about how dressed up they were for this particular shopping trip.

We are almost more appropriately dressed up for a Homecoming dance than a trip to the market.

She simply smiled as she climbed in the car, and as soon as they had rounded the bend, she scooted over to sit up against him and lean her head on his shoulder as they drove off.

As they drove down the highway and neared White Plains, Brian was simply enjoying this outing, and pondering how good Honey’s perfume smelled. So preoccupied was Brian that he didn’t notice the steam starting to come from under the hood.

When he did notice it, he went stiff with alarm.

Honey immediately noticed his change in demeanor and looked up at him with a start.

“Is something wrong?” she asked quickly.

Brian simply nodded to the hood, which was already steaming more vigorously than it was moments before. Honey’s eyes went wide as the car began to lose power. Brian quickly over to the side of the road.

By the time he stopped, the steam was almost too thick to see through. Brian leapt out of the car with alarm and quickly ran to open the hood. He let out a startled yelp as he burned his fingers trying to open it.

Honey quickly emerged and nearly stumbled in the gravel of the shoulder. When she got to him, she quickly handed him a handkerchief from her purse. Brian took it, and quickly opened the hood. The deluge of steam made them both instantly flush red from the heat, and obscured them in the cloud.

“What’s wrong?” Honey asked with concern.

“It overheated,” Brian said as he waved the handkerchief in an attempt to blow away some of the steam and see inside the engine.

Brian quickly realized that it was going to be a few minutes before the engine was cool enough to even inspect, so he took Honey’s hand with his unburned one and carefully led her a few steps back.

“I don’t understand it,” he said perplexed. “I just got a full tune up and overhauled it myself.”

“It’s okay,” Honey said with sympathy. “It’s an old car. I’m sure you took as good a care of it as you could.”

They waited in silence. Ten minutes later, a state trooper pulled over to see what was wrong.

As the officer strode up, he smiled in greeting. “What seems to be the problem.”

“It overheated,” Brian explained.

The trooper took one look at the car and laughed. “Happens a lot with old cars like this on hot summer days. She’s a beauty though. Don’t see many of those on the road anymore.”

“She’s run well ever since I had her,” Brian replied.

“Well, we’ll have a look at it and see what’s wrong.”

The trooper waved back to his partner in the car with a smile, and went to fetch a rag.

When he finally managed to get the cap off of the radiator, he whistled with surprise and began to laugh.

“Cooking some road food?” he asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“Thought you’d save yourself the cost of Chinese takeout,” the officer joked again.

“Officer?!” Brian protested.

The officer laughed again uncontrollably again for a full minute before he caught enough of his breath to speak.

“Come have a look kid,” he managed to get out before he doubled over laughing again.

Brian crept up to his engine with an increasing sense of dread as to what he would find. When he peered inside his radiator, instead of the blackened water he expected to see, he saw a white grainy substance, slightly blackened from the water it had cooked in. It took a full minute for him to realize what it was.

“Rice!”

The officer laughed so hard that he fell over onto the shoulder.

“RICE!” he exclaimed again.

By now the trooper was gasping for breath and holding his aching side.

“RICE!” he now screamed.

“Stop!” the trooper pleaded, “I can’t breathe.”

*******

Fidgeting nervously back in the car, the rookie partner of the laughing trooper decided to occupy his time with standard procedure. He rotated the computer terminal attached to the dashboard to face him and ran a check on the license plate. What returned on the check made his eyes go wide.

He quickly grabbed a printout and ran over to show his laughing partner what he had found. But before he left, he unsnapped his holster as a precaution.

*******

Things turned deadly serious after the trooper read the printout that his partner handed him.

The trooper stood up quickly and read over the printout again to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him, blinking in surprise several times.

There was no mirth or friendliness in his gaze when he looked up at Brian.

“Son. This car is stolen.”

“WHAT?”

“This car was stolen a week ago from a federal impound yard!”

“WHAT? I’ve had this car for almost three years.”

“Yeah. That’s what they all say. I’m afraid I’m going to have to impound it.”

“WHAT?!”

“Son, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but according to my printout here, this car was seized by the DEA during a drug raid on a DC crack house. It’s evidence that is needed in a federal case.”

“WHAT?!”

“Son, you don’t strike me as the car thief type, so if your background comes up clean, I’m not going to run you in. I can certainly understand why you would want buy a cool car like this. But next time you cough up your hard earned money, make sure the guy selling it to you is clean and on the level.”

“WHAT?!”

“Can I see your license and registration please?”

“WHAT?!”

“Son, if this really is all just a big misunderstanding, the best way to get your car back is to cooperate until this all gets sorted out. Otherwise this is going to get auctioned off by the feds next month for additional law enforcement funds.”

Brian made a serious effort to calm down and handed the officer his license.

*******

No amount of hugs, quick kisses or being held by Honey had succeeded in calming Brian down when the tow truck hoisted his car up onto the bed.

“Son, I’ll see to it that your car gets held right here in the county impound yard till you have time to get this straightened out. Just get the records you say you have, and take them by the county courthouse.”

Brian just nodded.

As soon as his jalopy was loaded, the truck pulled away down the road.

“My car!” Brian whimpered softly.

Honey gave him another tight hug.

“Don’t worry about it. You were just burned. You can prove them wrong and you’ll get your car back.”

Brian was silent, as the trooper finished filling out his report.

“Are we going to have to walk home?” Honey suddenly asked him.

“They should give us a ride if they really believe this was a mix up,” Brian fumed, “but I wouldn’t put it past these clowns to strand us. I’m beginning to see why Corey hates cops so much.”

“How far is it back to Sleepyside?”

“About eight miles.”

Honey looked down at her attire. “Well I normally wouldn’t pick a tight fitting dress and heels for an eight mile hike on a highway shoulder, but I suppose I can make it.” Another thought suddenly occurred to her as she looked at her bare arms, and the tiny amount of her shoulders covered by the thin straps. “I hope I don’t burn too badly. It will make for an interesting tan line.”

Brian finally put an arm around her and pulled her close without a word. After a few silent minutes, Brian finally spoke.

“I suppose we should tell Di what happened right after we get home.”

“Yeah. She’ll want to know the details.”

“Maybe I can catch her right after a shower,” Brian remarked, “so she can put on her thinking underwear and come up with another good theory.”

Honey gave him a vicious jab to the ribs with her elbow. Although it smarted, Brian was finally able to laugh for the first time that afternoon.

*******

It was very late that afternoon when Honey finally walked into her room, kicked off her heels and sat down on her bed for a few minutes to relax while rubbing her feet through her stockings.

Although the state troopers had indeed given them a ride home, standing around for several hours in heels on the gravely shoulder of the highway had still been very tiring. After resting she quickly picked up her phone and dialed Di.

“Hello,” Di answered immediately.

“Di! It’s Honey! Brian got burned!”

“Really?!” Di gasped with more excitement than she intended. “I mean, I’m really sorry, but what happened!?”

Honey gave Di the short version, but told her that Brian himself would give the full version at another Bob-White meeting that evening at the Manor House.

“I’ll be there.”

“Oh! That reminds me,” Honey told her in a serious voice, “There’s something I need to warn you about.”

“What?!” Di asked with a mix of excitement and apprehension.

“Do you remember back to the first weekend you spent here, when we decided that we wanted you to be a Bob-White?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you remember those really nice dresses that your fake Uncle Monty sent along for you to wear that rattled Miss Trask?”

“Yeah,” Di said in an increasingly puzzled voice.

“Not that you didn’t look completely stunning,” Honey added.

“Thank you,” Di said with a giggle.

“But you know how Miss Trask thought that that whole look was too mature and all that other nonsense.”

“Yeah,” Di replied, puzzled again.

“Well I just wanted to warn you, that when you came over, she might think the same thing about you running around in a wet T-shirt and panties.”

The phone went silent for a moment, and Honey couldn’t help but giggle. She was soon giggling uncontrollably.

When Honey finally stopped giggling, Di spoke again.

“I’ll try to keep that in mind,” she retorted sarcastically.

“Did you really talk to Corey that underdressed?” Honey couldn’t help but tease, but she knew even before she finished asking that Di had hung up.

*******

The Bob-Whites silently listened as Brian recounted his afternoon. Di once again paced back and forth in the middle of the room trying to soak in every last detail and turn it over in her head.

She asked him a few questions, but after the conclusion of his story, she grew increasingly pensive and frustrated. But before she continued she lifted her head looked over all the Bob-Whites. Her gaze ended up on the one Bob-White that hadn’t repeated a certain particular joke to her yet (at least not to her face). Brain quickly began to fidget under her steady gaze.

“What?” he asked apprehensively.

“I really did talk to Corey in a wet T-shirt and panties,” she told him matter-of-factly. Brian began to squirm with embarrassment, but decided not to retaliate when he caught Honey’s warning look.

The Bob-Whites laughed.

Jim loyally came to Brian’s rescue by changing the subject. “So Di, does this help you at all?”

“No!” she complained. “I’m not good at these kinds of clues. I’m the people reader. And I don’t have a person to read!”

Jim turned to Trixie. “Have you made anything out of this yet?”

“No,” she replied slowly. “Not that I haven’t been thinking about it though. The burner hasn’t left us much to go on.”

Jim turned back to Di. “So when is our target going to be back for you to read?”

“Late tomorrow night. So I won’t be able to go out with him till the following night on Friday.”

“That leaves a whole day for the joker to get Mart,” Dan stated. “Do you think you can survive it?” he asked him bluntly.

“Doesn’t look like I have much of a choice,” Mart replied. “But if you all can, than I suppose I can too.”

“I don’t think that will be the end of this,” Di suddenly proclaimed. “I think after Mart there will be a grand finale.”

“What do you mean?” Trixie asked.

“This is a show,” Di explained, just like Corey had explained to her, “and every show has to end with an exciting climax.”

The Bob-Whites gave a collective shudder.

“So if we don’t want to be the stars of the show for the climax,” Dan reasoned slowly, “then we need to act fast. What happens after your date Di?”

Di looked up with a smile. “I have a plan. And I will need to have you all on hand for it.”

“Brad is going to be suspicious if he goes on a date with six chaperones,” Mart said.

“Oh our date will simply have to take place in a situation where lots of other people are around.”

“What does that mean?” Trixie asked.

“Well,” Di started, “Our first big party on behalf of an investigation was at Crabapple Farm last Halloween. The second was at the beginning of Spring Break at Manor House. Looks like the next one is slated for the Lynch Estate.”

All the Bob-Whites smiled. “Tell us what we have to do,” Mart finally said.

*******

Mart was out early the next day, making himself busy with extra chores around the yard and the preserve. His rationale was that maybe if he stayed busy and worked with others, including the adult employees of the Wheelers, that he wouldn’t be an easy target.

So with Mrs. Belden’s blessing, he set out early that morning to work. She even volunteered to cover some of his regular chores around the house so he could help out on the preserve that day. Little did he realize that this effort on her part was the crux of the burn.

She spent most of her morning with her normal routine. It was a routine that she was accustomed to, that filled her day up until about 9:30 or ten when Bobby went outside to play.

Like all other days, getting to this point meant being able to do something more laid back and relaxing. On this particular day, she fetched her sewing basket, and began to work on one of her myriad of projects she had going at any given time. She worked happily for about forty-five minutes when she realized she had volunteered to help Mart with some of his chores. Looking at her watch, she realized that she needed to hurry, because soon her children would be back inquiring about lunch, and she needed to get started on that as well.

With a quick sigh, she packed up her sewing, put it away, and made her way up to Mart’s room to straighten it out.

Immediately upon stepping in, she noticed an overpowering odor, unlike any she had ever smelled before. It was smoky, but not like cigars or cigarettes.

Dear god, whatever is that awful smell. I hope Mart hasn’t been burning something in here.

She made her way over to the bed when she discovered the source of the smell. On Mart’s unmade bed was a peculiar glass pipe with a charred rock in the scorch marked bulb and a large sliver butane lighter. Quickly looking around the room, she saw a candle melted to the top of an empty Jack Daniel’s bottle, a small mirror with the traces of some white powder on it, and some burning incense.

Mrs. Belden gave an outcry of disgust and covered her mouth and nose with her hands, already fighting a wave of nausea.

Mrs. Belden was unsure how long she stood there in disgusted outrage before she heard the front door open and close, and Mart call out in greeting.

“MARTIN ALAN BELDEN!” she yelled out. “WHAT IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN IS THIS MESS ALL ABOUT!”

Mart fearfully went up the stairs, knowing he was in for it, but afraid of what he was going to find.

*******

As Mart explained the burn to Di later that afternoon, he was both relieved and livid.

“Despite the obvious evidence on my behalf,” Mart explained, “I think it was still the eighth wonder of the world that I convinced her that I wasn’t on drugs. All that stuff was real.”

“NO!” Di gasped over the phone. “What finally won her over to your side of the story.”

“Well she already knew about the snake, and heard about the bleeding dummy prank. I didn’t touch anything, and didn’t let her either, till the cops could fingerprint it all.”

“And it did it come back clean?”

“We haven’t heard the results yet. But before I could even explain, she called some drug counselors about warning signs to look for in people on drugs. She was told in no uncertain terms that people who do narcotics lost their appetite and almost never eat. She KNOWS that wasn’t true.”

“And even then, when she calmed down she remembered that she had gotten me up that morning herself because I asked her to. She didn’t remember any of that stuff in there this morning, and knows that after the minute or two that it took me to get dressed, that I came downstairs, had a huge breakfast, and left without going back up, because she had volunteered to make my bed and straighten out my room.”

“That makes sense,” Di agreed. “I’m glad she’s not mad anymore.”

“Oh she’s plenty mad,” Mart countered. “Most of these burns have been excessively mean, and not exactly secret, so she told Molinson everything she knew about what was going on. If we are going to get the joker ourselves we are going to have to be extra careful, because now the cops do know something is going on and are looking into it. Molinson said it would be treated as nothing less than a felony breaking and entering case in addition to the drug possession charges. He said this is the first time that processed drugs like that have turned up in Sleepyside. The only other time they had turned up at all was during the Miss Elliot case, when her husband was growing those plants.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. There have been some minor marijuana busts, but that pipe had certifiable crack in it, and the mirror had traces of speedball.”

“What’s speedball?”

“A mixture of cocaine and heroin. Very potent and very dangerous.”

“I don’t know if there is a burn in the world that will make up for all this,” Di seethed.

“But it will fun trying,” Mart said bluntly.

“Yeah it will,” she agreed.

*******

Part 3: The Grand Finale

Diana paced about her room nervously Friday morning. On several occasions she nearly picked up the phone and called Brad to tell her about the party she was throwing the following night. At the last minute she would lose her nerve and begin to pace again. She had similar anxieties the first time she called, and she wasn’t sure why.

She finally called Corey.

“Hello?” he answered.

“Corey?! Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for days. Have you found anything out yet?”

“No,” he said slowly. “I’ve been busy,” he continued somewhat evasively.

“Busy doing what?!” she demanded.

“I told you at the beginning that this was going to take some time to set up. But I think we’re ready to go. Have you watched him yet?”

“No. He just got back last night.”

“Well that’s great!” he exclaimed. “At least I am ready now to start helping you right when your surveillance begins.”

“Corey! We’ve all been burned already. And badly.”

“Oohhh!” he said quietly. “I’m sorry. Didn’t think things were going to move quite this fast since these were more elaborate burns. Thought we had more time.”

“We didn’t. But our problems are just beginning.”

“What do you mean?” Corey asked puzzled.

“You said it yourself. We are the stars of a show. Do you really think this show is going to end quietly?”

“No, I suppose not,” Corey admitted in a sobering tone, “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Look! I need to talk to you. Can I come over or something?”

“Sure, if you want. What do you need?”

“I need to know more about Brad. My plan to watch him is for me to ask him out and I’m having the hardest time even calling him on the phone.”

“Why?”

“Well,” she admitted with some embarrassment, “I’ve never hit on a guy before.”

“You’ve got to be shitting me. Why not?”

“Well,” Di admitted very matter-of-factly, “. . .I’ve never had to before.”

“Ah!” Corey exclaimed in sudden understanding. “Come over whenever you want. I’ll be here all day.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later. I also have to give you more details of the plan.”

“Yeah. But one thing!” Corey quickly added.

“What?” she asked puzzled.

“I think because of me, my mother has gotten pretty liberal about a lot of things, but you might want to dry off put some clothes on. I don’t know how she’d handle you that wet and underdressed.”

Di made several short but angry noises over the phone, but finally broke down and laughed.

“I’m never going to live this down am I?”

“Probably not for a while. But we’re you’re friends. You know we don’t mean anything by it.”

Di was able to smile about the whole thing for the very first time since the relentless teasing had begun.

“You’re right Corey,” she told him warmly, and then everything was okay. “I’ll see you later.”

“See ya!”

No sooner had she hung up when Mrs. Lynch came bustling into her room. Harrison was close on her heals, and holding the surveillance gear. Di’s heart skipped a beat when she saw it. She hadn’t realized someone had even taken it out of her closet.

“Diana Lynch! I was just talking to Harrison about your party tomorrow when he mentioned that Miss Bruger had found this in your closet yesterday when she was hanging up some of your clothes that had just come back from the cleaners. What in the world is it? And where did you get it?”

Di didn’t even trust herself to speak at first. She knew one wrong word would ruin her plans. If her mother even knew half of what was going on, she would put a quick stop to any Bob-White operation. She drew in her breath, and slowly began to relate what happened, with as many euphemisms and generalities as she could. The story still had a major impact on the impressionable, and often emotional Mrs. Lynch.

Mrs. Lynch let out a low cry and ran over to hug her daughter tightly. “Oh my poor dear. How dreadful. Who would do such a thing?”

“Mom!” she protested. “It was no big deal. I found it before it had a chance to see anything. And it probably didn’t work anyway. Probably just some leftover stuff from some geek’s science fair project or something.”

“Just put it down over there,” she told Harrison quickly. “I need to change. I’m going to go visit my friend Corey. I promise I’ll get with you later today about the rest of the arrangements for the party.”

Mrs. Lynch gave her daughter one more smothering squeeze before hurrying out the room as Harrison gently set the dish and wires down on one of her easy chairs.

As Harrison turned and started to walk out, he made a quick comment.

“Might I suggest if a trip to see Master Dawson is on your itinerary that you have more and drier attire.”

Diana blushed scarlet. Since his back was turned and he was walking out, she didn’t see the shameless smirk on his face.

*******

Word of Bob-Whites blowouts like this traveled quickly. They found themselves becoming just a well known for the big parties that they threw as they were for solving mysteries and working for charity.

Even in the summer, the entire student body of Sleepyside Junior-Senior High managed to hear about it, as well as quite a few kids their age from the surrounding towns.

With only three days warning, the Lynch estate was jammed.

Although Harrison was appalled at what a wild and “messy” affair a normal teen-aged party was, on strict orders from Mr. and Mrs. Lynch, he simply kept his mouth shut at the loud music and messes being made and did his job to the best of his ability.

A lot of people had a good laugh, when several scantily clad Goths mistook Harrison’s traditional black butler uniform as another costume in the same vein as theirs, and his stilted speech as some new ravespeak. They literally dragged him out to dance. It was only through a great deal of effort that he managed to escape. No one had ever seen him quite so flustered before.

“He must have found some really good stuff and needed to mellow out somewhere and fry,” one of them commented to the other as he fled.

*******

It didn’t take long for Di to get Brad alone in one of the sitting rooms in one of the wings of the house away from the party.

Brad was fidgeting nervously. It was obvious to Di that he had never been alone with a girl like this before.

“Is this what you always do when you have a date for a party?” he asked her nervously.

“Are you kidding?” she replied with a wicked smile, “this is WHY I make dates for parties.”

“Dancing and being social is only the beginning of my fun.” With this remark she reached over and took his hand. “You don’t know how long I have been hoping to have a chance to be with you like this. You really shut me out when you first came to town.”

“Well, yeah, I guess,” he replied nervously. “I was just shy because I was new in town and didn’t know anybody.”

“Well I really wanted to get to know you,” she purred as she slid even closer.

“That’s cool,” he said for lack of anything better to say. After another silent minute under her the spell of her smile he finally had the courage to make a compliment.

“I never dreamed in a million years that hottest girl in the school would look at me like that.”

“You don’t give a girl a chance do you?” Di said in her best cheap romance movie voice, and quickly pinned him, straddled him on the couch and began to kiss him fervently.

Brad’s panic instinct kicked in at first, and he began to squirm and thrash trying to escape. Di’s kisses quickly subdued him. She pulled back and looked over his flushed and now lipstick stained face and embarrassed smile, and began to unbutton her blouse.

“What are you doing?” he cried in reflexive panic.

“Take me Brad. I want you to take me.”

Brad shifted nervously and couldn’t help but stare as Di got her blouse open.

“I . . . I . . .”

“What’s wrong?” she asked with mock concern. “Don’t you want me?” she asked sounding hurt.

“I . . . I . . .”

“What’s wrong?” she asked again.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“What?!”

“I don’t know what to do!” he said louder. “I’ve never done anything like this before,” he added in a quiet and embarrassed voice.

“You know, that’s kind of funny,” a new voice remarked. Di quickly closed her blouse and turned to smile at Brian. “Corey tells me you’re subscribed to every dirty Usenet group this side of alt.sex.yuck! Seems to me with that with nothing better to do than go through that many posts about sex and lurid binaries that you would have some idea what you wanted to do.”

Brad flushed with anger and embarrassment.

“And we were looking so forward to having Di tell us what kind of lover you were,” Honey said as she walked in the room with Trixie. She then turned to Trixie, “I guess the new student isn’t the catch we thought he was going to be after all.”

“It’s a shame,” Trixie agreed. “I really thought such a pervert would at least prove to be good in bed.”

Brad made an impolite sound of disgust.

“Did you hear that Mart,” Dan said, as he walked in slowly filming the whole scene with a digital video camera. “I wonder if all the other little perverted net heads would be interested in seeing this little movie.”

“It would be a peculiar yet titillating experience to gather the opinions of his digital peers on the admissions of his own shortcomings in the physical world in the realm of actual sexual arousal and practices,” Mart replied.

“Why are you doing this to me?!” Brad shouted with anguish. “What did I do to you? You already burned me for what I did! I had nothing to do with it!”

“Then who did!?” Jim asked very sternly as he finally walked in the room. “Tell us and this little movie goes away. Otherwise, it might find it’s way on to the movie screen in the auditorium during the first assembly at school this fall. Not to mention the posting on-line.”

Brad broke and told them.

The Bob-Whites all looked at each other with a puzzled expression.

“That name doesn’t ring a bell,” Trixie told the other quickly. “Not even slightly.”

They all turned on Brad again. Di could tell that he was trying to get up and leave, so she simply stayed sitting straddled on his lap.

“Who is he?”

“He’s doesn’t go to school around here. He goes to school in Croton. I met him last summer online. We didn’t actually meet until I started going to school here. He knew all about you guys because he came to your parties and had read about your exploits that made it to the newspaper. He also heard a lot of dirt from this graduated alumni from his school he knew that didn’t like you guys.”

“Paul Trent!” Mart suddenly exclaimed. “That school seems to be a breeding ground for vermin. I can only imagine what Paul told him about us.”

Di turned back to look Brad right in the eye.

“Do you know where he is? I want you to tell us where he is!”

“I don’t know. He’s probably laying low.”

“Can you get in touch with him?”

“Maybe. Like I said, he is laying low. He knows good and damn well how much trouble he’ll be in if he gets caught.”

“Well then, you’ll just have to convince him to come out of hiding.”

“What if he won’t?” Brad complained.

“Then be sure to bring popcorn,” Dan remarked as he adjusted the focus of the camera.

******

Brad came back from the phone to the waiting Bob-Whites.

“He’ll meet me tomorrow night at that old abandoned theater between here and White Plains.”

“Then I guess we’ll be there too,” Jim stated matter-of-factly. “Well pick you up tomorrow at six,” he told Brad.

“He may not show if he sees you guys there too,” Brad said. “He told me to meet him alone.”

“We’ll worry about that,” Jim told him bluntly. “You just be ready when we come to get you.”

“Okay,” Brad replied and started to leave.

Much to everyone’s surprise, Dan suddenly lunged forward, grabbed Brad by the shirt, swung him around and slammed him very hard against the wall. When he spoke, he startled everyone with how angry he sounded.

“And God help you if you’re pulling another fast one, because I swear if I even slightly suspect that I am being burned, I’m going to break both your legs in seventeen different places. And then I’m going to stick one of my boots so far up your skinny ass that you’re going to need a dentist to untie my laces. I know to you and your little friend this is all a big game, but it stopped being a game to me when I got bombed and my friends got hurt and traumatized by your little party tricks. So let me just warn you: We get hurt and you DIE! DO YOU HEAR ME YOU LITTLE PUNK!”

Brad was shaking with terror, but finally managed to nod. Dan let him down and he quickly fled.

The Bob-Whites simply stood quietly for a moment before they went back to the party. As Dan passed Jim, Jim gave him a quick nod of approval and they high-fived.

*******

A convoy made it’s way the following evening down a desolate, seldom used, forested road. The Bob-White station wagon made it’s way down the road, with Brad deliberately seated in the back seat between Dan and Brian.

Corey and Di followed behind in Corey’s old Delta ’89. They pulled up to an old fashioned movie theater that lie along the lonely and deserted road. Both cars pulled up to the front and slowly pulled over to the curb. The Bob-Whites emerged and quickly kitted up for battle.

Mart checked and double checked the digital video camera. It had been tightly wrapped in several layers of clear plastic produce bags, and had been fit with a protective cardboard cone over the lens.

Dan checked his pockets to make sure he had his brass knuckles.

Trixie checked a used fanny pack she had picked up at the thrift store earlier that afternoon. She wore on her front and in it were plastic ziploc bags and tweezers, in case they found anything illegal like what had been left in Mart’s room.

Jim carefully loaded the biggest super soaker he could find that afternoon with a mixture of castor oil, horseradish and vinegar. He did a quick snapshot to make sure it was sighted in, in case the opportunity of a mouth shot presented itself.

Brian began charging up a PVC contraption that Corey had helped him build that afternoon. Stuffed down the barrel was a large potato. In the wider breach was a valve from a bicycle tube that Brian connected to a flammable hair spray can. Once connected, he began to fill the chamber with pressurized hair spray. Once charged he double checked the fuse, and made sure his strike anywhere, water-proof matches were where he could get to them. He then stuffed the hair spray can onto a flashlight mount on the surplus army web gear he had purchased that afternoon, and stuffed extra potatoes into an old M-16 magazine pouch.

Honey double checked a large duffle-bag that she had filled with Ben-Gay balloons, and checked her old squeezable mustard bottle that she had loaded with a mixture of stale salsa and powdered dry habanero chili.

Di and Corey performed a quick drill with a large crew served weapon that they had built. It was a compressed air cannon that consisted of two parallel PVC tubes connected at one end by two elbows, and a short section of pipe with a valve and a pressure gauge. The valve was connected to an electrical release button. The loading drill consisted of Di pressurizing the bottom tube quickly with a bicycle pump while Corey stuffed the ammo down the barrel like a civil war soldier loading a musket. They had obviously practiced, because they did it very quickly. Ammo consisted of the bottom of a Styrofoam coffee cup followed by a mixture of cheese whiz, chocolate syrup and pig slop, capped by another bottom of a cup. In addition, Di carried a smaller, sub caliber barrel, and nastier ammo if the battle got rough. Di also had on her belt some old nylons that had been discarded because of runs, in case they needed to tie anyone up.

Taped to many of the home made weapons and squirt guns were old flashlights.

All of the Bob-Whites were clad in old jeans and long sleeve shirts that had been used for painting or other dirty work. Mindful of skin dyes and permanent stains, they each also donned ski masks and old chemistry lab protective goggles. They each also donned old raincoats, rubber boots and an old rain hat. The last set of protective wear donned by all were yellow dishwashing gloves.

“We ready?” Jim asked, pumping up his squirt gun.

“Ready!” Honey repeated.

“Check!” Mart replied.

“Check!” Dan replied.

“Ready!” Trixie called.

“Good to go!” Corey and Di chorused.

Brian gave a thumbs up.

“Form up!” Jim cried as the squad made it’s way to the door.

Dan gave the grinning Brad a not so friendly shove.

“You’re on point net boy! Go find him.”

Brad scowled, but cautiously made his way to the old boarded up doors and peered inside. The Bob-Whites had already formed up into two elements on one side of the line of doors under the marquee. Brad finally found a door where the boards where all but completely lose, and pulled them off. Without another word, he made his way inside. It was silent for several moments.

“Damn it!” Dan exclaimed. “He’s inside warning the resistance!”

“Maybe not,” Jim said. “It will take him a few minutes to look around. But even so, I think we are properly equipped for a barricade situation. We’ll go in two minutes.”

“Okay,” Dan said. He then turned to the Bob-Whites on the line up behind him and signaled by holding two fingers up, then making a fist and pointing inside. They all nodded in understanding.

There was no sign of Brad two minutes later. At the end of the line up, Brian reached up and touched the Bob-White ahead of him on the shoulder. The touch went up the line until Dan touched Jim on the shoulder.

“Breech and clear!” Jim yelled as he ran up the door Brad had used and kicked it open. The Bob-Whites quickly filed in and fanned out to cover the lobby. Advancing as per instructed by a nod from Jim or Dan, the elements moved to cover the room and exits systematically, signaling back to the squad leader with the call, “Clear to here!”

Soon, after sweeping the whole lobby and connected bathrooms, the elements formed up on the two ramps that led into the auditorium.

“On three!” Dan called to both elements. “One . . . Two . . . Three!”

The Bob-Whites charged up both ramps and quickly moved to sweep through the auditorium. It was nearly pitch black except for the stabbing beams of light that Jim, Brian and Corey did there best to sweep the whole room with.

The elements were moving up the aisle when a light came on from the projection booth that lit up the entire stage. The elements stopped and held, raising their weapons and camera to cover the stage.

Sitting off to one side was a skinny teenaged boy with red hair. He was grinning from ear to ear. He didn’t seem terribly concerned at the array of weapons aimed at him.

“This is priceless,” he finally remarked, his voice echoing through the large room. “I knew the Bob-Whites were a capable investigative team. Didn’t know they were a capable tactical team too.”

After a few moments of staring, they indeed recognized the boy as a guest at all of their parties.

The first Bob-White to speak was Jim. “For someone planting illegal drugs and going on the prowl, you seem remarkably self assured.”

“Tisk! Tisk!” the boy replied. “Looks like you spent so much time training for dynamic entry that you forgot the first cardinal rule of investigations.”

“And what would that be?” Di asked angrily before Trixie had a chance to speak.

“When you make an assumption, you make an ASS out of yoU and UMPTION.”

“What do you mean?” Di asked.

“You finally figured out that Brad wasn’t alone in the first series of burns, but then you turn around and assume that for more serious burns that required more skill and planning, that I was alone.”

Everyone’s eyes widened as they realized what he meant.

“You know why I let you catch me here?” the boy asked tauntingly. “Because I knew I wasn’t going to be alone either.”

The Bob-Whites stood too stunned to speak. The boy simply looked off to the side in the backstage and greeted his unseen guest.

“Hi Dad!”

A man walked out. He was a tall, red haired handsome man wearing a very wicked grin and carrying a gun.

“Oh my God!” Di cried in alarm.

“Holy Shit!” cried Dan.

The rest of the Bob-Whites strained to recognize the oddly familiar man.

“DAPPER DICK!?” Trixie exclaimed.

“Uncle Richard?!” Corey exclaimed right afterward.

Richard Dawson let out an evil laugh that echoed through the auditorium.

“That’s right!” he finally said when he stopped laughing.

*******

(Bet you didn’t see that one coming. LOL - Eric)

*******

“You know,” Corey exclaimed, “when Dad told me you were a worthless scum, I always assumed that it was because you did things like I did that he didn’t approve of. Didn’t realize he meant a real scum.”

Dick laughed again. “Wouldn’t surprise me that he didn’t tell you much. I was disowned from the family after the very first time I got busted and sent up in county for 30 days. But you should be happy. Now you know you aren’t the real black sheep of the family.”

He then turned to look over the rest of the Bob-Whites.

“Bet you never knew I lived in Croton. Was on my way home after a particularly successful spree when we broke down and I got double crossed. That diamond would have still made the trip worthwhile. Could have put my boy through college and lived easy, with maybe only the occasional heist for some beer money.” He laughed again.

“But you know,” he continued, “I got tired of being a guest of the state. So I thought to myself, when I don’t like a movie, I just leave in the middle. So I left. Figured a little payback was in order. I pondered what would be the best way long before I got out. We still get news in the joint, so I knew you had cultivated some heavy connections with the feds that would make revenge pretty hard. Then I get a letter from my son, telling me that he met you and how his friend Brad got even after you tried to put him away for being a spy. I thought, this is perfect! So as soon as I busted out, my son and I came up with the perfect set of gags to throw you off guard and get you to come after me.”

“What makes you think you have us?” Dan asked defiantly.

Richard laughed. “Look at you. You came out here to get a joker. You aren’t even slightly prepared to deal with an armed escaped convict. We’re in the middle of nowhere, and I have the gun. Don’t think I won’t shoot you either. But if you don’t want to die, we’ll just sit tight until my friends get here. Then you will all keep me company till we get to the boat and make it to a non extradition country. I’m sure all of your folks will cough up quite a sum to see you back and unharmed.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Corey remarked sarcastically.

“No, probably not for you,” Richard said with a laugh. “But my dear brother might reward me for shooting you in the head and dumping you overboard in the Atlantic. Don’t think I haven’t heard about how well you two get along.”

“You’ll never get away with this!” Di raged.

Richard turned to look at Di. “Are you so sure? I have a movie of you I just love to watch. I think we’ll start with you if Daddy doesn’t cough up seven figures or so. You may decide you like me after you get to know me.”

Di went silent with horror.

As Richard turned back from leering at Di, he caught a glimpse of some kind of sparkling light.

“What the . . . ?!”

There was a bright flash, and a loud bang. A tongue of flame erupted from the barrel of Brian’s potato gun. Although not a duck hunting shotgun like Tom had taught him to shoot on as a little boy, the potato gun was still very accurate, and Brian’s aim was true.

Richard Dawson was struck in the forehead by a spud moving at transonic speeds. It laid him out spread eagle on the stage, and his Glock went skittering away.

“Elements One and Two Break!” Jim shouted. The Bob-Whites quickly scattered and dove for cover behind the seats. Richard rolled over, screaming with rage and grabbed his Glock. He stood up quickly and began wildly firing at the shadows. His son doubled over with laughter.

Jim and Dan held a quick conference ducked down in the same row of seats.

“We’re in really deep shit!” he exclaimed to Dan.

“Calm down!” Dan barked. “He’s got a Glock 17. That means with a topped off clip and one in the pipe, he started with 18 rounds. He’s already capped off seven, so he only has 11 left.”

“One is enough!” Jim replied fervently. “We didn’t figure a casualty count into this op.”

“We should be okay if we stay low. These are old metal framed theater seats. Should stop a nine if we stay down. But we have to be careful, because a nine will cut through these back cushions like they weren’t even there.”

Brian crawled over.

“What do we do?” he asked.

“We have to rush him!” Dan answered.

“What? Are you crazy?”

“We have to! We can’t just wait around for him to run out of bullets. He’s pissed, but he also knows that his buddies will be here soon. Time is on his side right now. All he has to do is keep us pinned down until they get here.”

“How do we do that? I think we should just make our way to the back doors, and make a run for the lobby,” Brian said. “We can go for help if we get out of here before they get here.”

“There’s not enough cover,” Dan said. “Once we hit that ramp, he’s got a clear shot and one of us is going to take it up the ass and get shot in the back.”

“So what is your idea?” Jim asked. “How do we get him without getting killed?”

“Bounding overwatch,” Dan replied. “One element will have to provide cover fire while the other advances. Hopefully by the time we’re on top of him, he’ll have to stop to reload. Then we jump him.”

“Not all of us have ranged weapons,” Jim said.

“We’ll have to just spread them evenly between elements. We’ll send Honey and Mart with the squad gunner,” Dan said indicating Corey and Di. “Trixie and I will move with you and Brian. And maybe if Honey passes out some of her balloons, we can all at least have one volley.”

“This is still really risky!” Jim complained.

“Do you have any better ideas?” Dan retorted.

“No. Let’s brief the others on the plan.”

As the Bob-Whites crawled through the aisles of seats, Richard took three more wild shots. One ricocheted off the seat top above Honey and she gave a quick scream.

After being briefed, Corey and Di began to quickly change out barrels on the air cannon and loaded the new one with a specially made ice slug.

The signals all came back to Dan. Yelling out like Captain John Miller in Saving Private Ryan, Dan announced in a loud voice, “COVERING FIRE!!!!”

Peeking up only enough to be sure of his target, Dan lobbed one of Honey’s Ben-Gay balloons with deadly accuracy at Dapper Dick. Jim shouldered his supersoaker and sent a long stream of the nasty liquid at his eyes. Brain fired another potato.

Dick raised his hands to protect his head and leapt to the side as Honey, Mart, Corey and Di quickly scrambled over their seats as fast they could. Then made it two rows before they ducked low. Dapper Dick fired another round shortly after they ducked.

Dan and Jim quickly glanced over to make sure the other element was safe. Corey gave the thumbs up when they were ready. As they got ready to shoot, Di whispered hoarsely in alarm.

“What are you doing? We have to shoot at Dick!”

“I have an idea. Trust me.”

Di didn’t have a chance to protest again, because Dan yelled once again. “COVERING FIRE!!!!”

Honey and Mart threw balloons. Corey fired the air cannon, and sent the ice slug cleanly into the bulb of the light illuminating the stage from the projection booth. As the room went dark, Dan, Jim, Brian and Trixie scrambled over the rows of seats as fast as they could.

Dick fired wildly again, but Dan urged them on in the darkness till they were only a few rows from the front.

Suddenly, a dimmer light lit up the auditorium from the emergency lights. Several wild shots came from the projection booth.

“SHIT!” Dan swore. “We already have company.”

“What do we do?” Brian exclaimed with fright.

“Keep calm!” Jim snapped. “We need to stick to the plan!”

“You got the best range,” Dan told Brian. “We’re close now. I’ll throw my last balloon and Trixie will throw both of hers at the stage. Brian, you send a spud up to the booth. We have to try to suppress both flanks now.”

“You have any other good news?” Brian asked as he recharged the gun with hairspray.

“No,” Jim said, “but I have an idea.” He began to whisper quickly to his element.

“Sounds good,” Dan said with a grin. “It’s our best shot. Let’s go.”

They readied themselves once again.

“COVERING FIRE!!!” Dan yelled.

Trixie lobbed her balloons at Dapper Dick. Jim shouldered his weapon again, but this time fired at the laughing son. His aim was true and suddenly Richard Dawson Jr. was coughing and choking on the nasty mix. He didn’t have time to recover before he was covered in Ben-Gay from Dan’s last balloon, some of which also found it’s way into his mouth.

Dick, at first preoccupied with dodging Trixie’s balloons, and finding a target to shoot at didn’t notice what happened to his son. When he did he began to howl with rage, and fire at Trixie and her element.

Trixie, Dan and Jim dove for cover, just as Brian’s potato gun fired with another echoing blast back at the booth. The blast was followed an instant later by a loud crash and some fervent cursing in the booth.

“Nice shot!” Jim complemented grinning from where he lay prone.

“Thanks,” Brian replied with a smile as he brought the barrel down and began to stuff another potato into it.

The other element still wasn’t as close to the stage as Dan’s was, but they had made real progress.

“Dan!” Jim called. “How many rounds does he have left? He must be getting low. We need to be ready to rush him.”

“I don’t know,” Dan said while cursing under his breath. “I lost count. Two or three maybe. But we have to be careful. For all we know, the guy in the booth has a belt fed machine gun.”

Their question was answered by the sounds of Dick fumbling around with another clip.

“DAMN!” Dan exclaimed. “GO! NOW!”

Dan and Trixie scrambled over the seats. Jim and Brian quickly emerged in the aisle began to run towards the stage. Dick got his pistol reloaded too soon and quickly raised it to fire. Jim and Brian were forced to dive behind the last row of seats between them and the stage, with Dan and Trixie only one row back.

“DAN!” Jim cried as the bullets ricocheted off the seats. “If you have any other ideas, you’d better tell us NOW!”

Dapper Dick quickly used up his second magazine, and began to look for his last spare.

“I have a great one!” Dan shouted. “GET HIM!”

Dan’s element emerged from hiding once again to rush the stage when total bedlam broke lose. Two more gunmen came running up the ramps on either side of the auditorium. Honey and Di screamed a warning across the room. Dick began to yell and point wildly, since he hadn’t found his last magazine yet.

“Watch Out! I mean get them. I mean . . .”

Trixie got low again, but Dan continued towards the stage. Jim and Brian crouched low in the aisle and got back to back. Jim began to spray Dapper Dick with his weapon. Brian cut the fuse in half on his next round and quickly lit it before he was spotted by the gunman on their side. The gunman had only just seen the crouching pair when he took a potato to the chest and flew back. Brian ran up the aisle without hesitating or even stopping to reload. He held the potato gun up as a club.

The gunman on the other side slowed down to a jog as he made his way down the aisle and looked around alertly with his pistol at the ready. He quickly spotted Brian running up the aisle to batter his buddy and turned as he ran, raising his pistol. Mart’s leg suddenly appeared at low shin level, and he tripped and went sprawling. Honey let out another startled shriek and leapt out at him, spraying his eyes with her mustard bottle and slapping him across the face with a Ben-Gay balloon in hand. Mart emerged, stomped on his wrist to get him to release the pistol and kicked the gun away. Then they both began to flail at him.

Di and Corey peeked up. Corey once again had the air cannon shouldered like a bazooka and they swept around looking for a target.

As Brian clubbed at the other gunman, Dapper Dick howled in pain and rage as Jim’s steady stream soaked his face and stung his eyes. He raised both arms to protect his eyes and stumble back. Jim and Dan continued to advance on the stage. Trixie broke off to deal with the recovering son, who looked like he was getting ready to intervene.

The gunman in the booth finally recovered enough to peer out at the mayhem below. When he saw the battle in progress, he leaned out as far as he could with his pistol at the ready. He was hit squarely between the eyes with an ice slug and came tumbling out of the window and crashing down on the seats below.

Dick was finally leaning up against the movie screen at the back of the stage when Jim’s stream of liquid ran dry. He quickly rubbed his eyes, and found his last magazine. Dan and Jim broke into a dead run, in a race to see if they could get to him before he could get loaded.

He slammed the magazine in place.

Jim and Dan climbed on the stage as fast as they could.

He hit the slide lock release with his thumb. The bolt closed, cocking the weapon and chambering a round.

Jim and Dan launched into a dead run on the stage floor.

Dapper Dick lowered his pistol to shoot Jim in the head.

Jim and Dan leapt at him with all their strength.

The Glock fired as Dapper Dick was blindsided by Dan flying in from the side. Jim had his hair parted by the bullet, and soon hit Dick in the gut head first.

Dick let out a loud “OOOMmmpphh!” and crashed to the floor with Dan and Jim on top of him.

Richard Dawson Jr. started to stand up from where he sat at the edge of the stage to run and help his father. He came crashing down to the floor as Trixie grabbed him by the front of the shirt and yanked him down to the ground. As he sprawled, she kicked him in the head in head repeatedly till he stopped fighting and thrashing.

Dan and Jim proceeded to beat the ever loving crap out Dapper Dick.

*******

It was more than just the trooper who had impounded Brian’s car that were literally rolling on the floor laughing when the police arrived on the scene.

Hounded by the news crews, the Bob-Whites finally gave the reporters an edited version of the story. A great deal of the details about why they had come here were forever left to the press’s imagination. Reporters simply had to live with the “because of a prank war” explanation forever.

After finally getting released by evidence after the trial, portions of the battle as taped by Mart would appear on Cops and other reality TV shows for quite some time.

Bruised, battered and battle weary, before the Bob-Whites got out of their battle gear, they posed for a black and white group photo, that reminded many of the unit photographs of commandos taken in Vietnam. Each Bob-White ended up with a framed enlargement of this photo hanging in each of their respective rooms with the title: The Keystone Kommandos. Unbeknownst to them, other copies were also hanging on the walls of the J. Edgar Hoover building in DC, CIA Headquarters in Langley Virginia, in Quantico, and at Fort Meade. But this was all that was to remain of this particular memory, for afterwards, the Bob-Whites unanimously voted to disband their unit, and stay out of the realm of tactical operations.

Brad Jameson was discovered, tied up in the projection booth. He had obviously been severely beaten.

Before he let the paramedics take him away, he stumbled over to the Bob-Whites, looking down at his feet.

“Look, I know you hate me, and you have every right. What I did to you when I started this off last spring was mean and way out of line. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. But I had nothing to do with these burns. Practical jokes were always still about fun for me, and as mean as I have gotten, I would never stoop this low. I didn’t know anything about Richard’s true motives, or what he was really going to do or I would have warned you myself. I’m ashamed to have even known him.”

“Don’t worry buddy,” Corey remarked. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I have to live with the fact that those two psychos are family. Didn’t even know Uncle Richard had kids, and this is how I find out I have a cousin.”

“Well I’m still very sorry. I still feel responsible for all this. So if you hate me and don’t ever speak to me, I’ll understand.”

Before anyone could answer, he turned away and walked off to the waiting paramedics.

Although all the Bob-Whites looked guilty and downtrodden after his apology, Dan looked especially sad.

“Somehow, someway, I’m gonna make this up to him. He’s right you know. He really didn’t have anything to do with this last reign of terror.”

The other Bob-Whites nodded in sympathy.

“We’ll think of something,” Honey agreed. They all turned and headed back to their cars.

*******

It was nearly two weeks later when Corey finally heard from any of the Bob-Whites again. As he heard through the grapevine, they were all very grounded. Their parents had nothing but sympathy for what they had been through, but were rather irate at their secrecy and decision to act on this themselves. Only Corey seemed to escape trouble. When he told his father about the battle he was in with his Uncle and his cousin, he couldn’t stop laughing for half an hour. When he regained his composure, he took Corey the Best Buy in Scarsdale and bought him a new computer.

The first Bob-White to get in touch with him was Di. She sounded very excited and had news for him.

“My father just bought me a new computer!”

“That’s great,” Corey remarked. “What kind?”

“I don’t know all the details yet, but I think it’s even faster and has more RAM than Trixie’s.”

“That’s great.”

“Will you help me set it up?”

“Sure. Aren’t you still in trouble though?”

“No. I’m officially off the hook today.”

“That’s great. When do you want me to come by?”

“Can you be here at two?”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

*******

Di met Corey at the door of the Lynch estate. She was just coming in from an afternoon ride. She smiled warmly as she greeted him, took him by the hand, and led him up to her room.

She immediately pulled the chair out from her new computer table so that he could sit down. Then, without giving it another thought, began to change out of her riding clothes into something else.

Corey glanced up in surprise. It became immediately apparent that the only serious casualty in this case was a good portion of Di’s modesty, at least around him.

There are worse things in the world than having the hottest girl in the school not think anything about changing when I’m around he mused.

But Corey watched her with an oddly distant feeling that puzzled him and immediately made him think again.

Once again, he found his thoughts wandering back to a certain sandy-haired girl.

You’re here with someone you always thought was way hotter than Trixie. And with someone who really likes you and is being very nice to you. You always thought Trixie was plain looking compared to Honey or Di, and that she dressed too country farm girl. Why are you so obsessed with her?

Corey continued to puzzle over his thoughts some more.

Well obviously there is something more going on here than just how hot you think she is. That’s why you were so upset on Prom night. Could this perhaps be . . .? No! Absolutely out of the question!

Who in the hell do you think you’re fooling? Just say it: Feelings. You are hung up on Trixie because of your feelings. Jesus, you’re in trouble Corey . . . .

Di walked up smiling. “Do you like it?”

“Oh. The machine. I hadn’t looked yet.”

Di instantly knew something was up.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

“Don’t ask,” Corey remarked bitterly. “You don’t want to know.”

*******

Epilogue

Although Di had noticed Corey sneaking peeks, she found herself oddly disappointed at the fact that they hadn’t affected him the same way that they had before. He had had a distant look, like his mind was a thousand miles away.

Although she managed to remain smiling, cheerful and flirtatious with him for the remainder of the afternoon, she started to develop certain suspicions as to why he was so distracted.

And oddly enough, she found herself hoping that she was wrong, because the thought of Corey being in love with someone else was oddly upsetting to her now.

*******

(I didn’t realize that when I picked up the can of worms that there was a special on the twenty gallon size – Eric)