SEX

"Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it." - R. Feynman

"[Brett Butler]'s had more bones buried in her than Forest Lawn." - Triumph

"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" - female anchor, to male anchor, on the lack of predicted precipitation

"Winston, you are drunk!" - Lady Astor
"Yes, Madam, I am drunk.  But in the morning I will sober, and you will still be ugly." - Winston Churchill

SPORTS

"It doesn't count unless you put it in." - Andy Roddick on the Late Show

"[Coach K] smiled at me. I was aglow. I thought, 'He likes me. He can tell I'm a good person.' Then he said I had angelic eyes." - DeMarcus Nelson

"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!" - Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator