Draft Workshop April 4th
1. We talked on Wednesday a great deal about the difference between description and analysis. Identify at least two or three parts of the author's paper that you believe could be pushed toward more of an analytical tone. Be harsh! If you let entire sections of your partner's paper that are merely descriptive slide by you'll be doing him or her a real disservice.
2. How is the author's analysis organized? Does s/he move you from the left side of the painting to the right? From the foreground to the background? Chronologically through the creation of the piece? If you can't identify a coherent scheme suggest one for the author given the information that seems most important to his or her thesis.
3. How is the paper framed? Do the introduction and conclusion work together? Are the intro and conclusion generic or inventive? Suggest ways the author could improve the framing of his or her paper.
2. How is the author's analysis organized? Does s/he move you from the left side of the painting to the right? From the foreground to the background? Chronologically through the creation of the piece? If you can't identify a coherent scheme suggest one for the author given the information that seems most important to his or her thesis.
3. How is the paper framed? Do the introduction and conclusion work together? Are the intro and conclusion generic or inventive? Suggest ways the author could improve the framing of his or her paper.
1 Comments:
1. I don't believe that you have a problem with too much description. There is not much description at all. Maybe you could add a little more about what is on the painting itself.
2. There is no structural organization of the painting itself. I think that the analysis is good and it would most definitely help if you incorported it with more description from the painting itself.
3. The organization is well formed. The introduction and conclusion go hand in hand with the theme of "letting go" and dancing on canvas. This introduction is unique, it makes me want to read the rest of the paper and see how he has the black ink flying on the canvas. I like the analysis, but as a reader I would also like to know what is on the painting itself. It would be ok if you did not cover it thoroughly but talk about the important points on the painting. Your framing will change as you add more description, which you can easily add in without changing much of what you already have.
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