Draft Workshop March 30th
1. Even if the paper is not currently too shot, imagine that it does not reach the assignment's length requirement. Identify idea or section of the paper that you think should be expanded and give the author a hint of how you believe s/he should accomplish that expansion.
2. Does the author support his or her analysis of the artist's thought process with concrete details? If not, explain where the author could add these details. If so, pull out one or two details that you think were particularly effective.
3. One of the most difficult things to master in writing about the humanities is the difference between description and analysis. Is the tone of the author's paper more descriptive or analytical? If one or the other, how might the author fix this? You might also want to include a few words about how you envisioned the tone of the paper given the assignment.
4. Does the paper fulfill the demands of the assignment? Why or why not?
2. Does the author support his or her analysis of the artist's thought process with concrete details? If not, explain where the author could add these details. If so, pull out one or two details that you think were particularly effective.
3. One of the most difficult things to master in writing about the humanities is the difference between description and analysis. Is the tone of the author's paper more descriptive or analytical? If one or the other, how might the author fix this? You might also want to include a few words about how you envisioned the tone of the paper given the assignment.
4. Does the paper fulfill the demands of the assignment? Why or why not?
1 Comments:
1. I think you could expand the introduction and the descriptions of how the technical aspects of the painting relate to what Pollock was trying to create through Number 14. You briefly described the lack of color and the emotion behind he brush "strokes" but if you were to lengthen your paper, that would be the first section I'd start with.
2. I really like when you said that "Pollock was known to dance about his canvas, wildly applying his paint, joining body, paint, and mind in a frenzy of rapid, forceful application." This set the tone for the rest of the paper and allowed the reader to understand the spontaniety of Pollock's creations.
3. I think you have a healthy balance of description and analysis- if I was to lean one way though I'd say you analyzed what Pollock was thinking more than you described what he was painting. You did a very good job of stating your own interpretation but also making sure that everyone knows that with Pollock's work, each person will probably interpret the paintings differently.
4. Yes it fulfills all demands of the assignment and successfully details the unconscious thought process behind Number 14. If you were to improve on this paper at all, I'd just add more detail and description on the actual painting- although hard I'm sure because it seems to just be dark colored lines. I really liked it though, good job.
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