October 11, 2004: National Coming Out Day

Dear Family and Friends,

Hope you all are doing well and that you are enjoying the beautiful weather. I just wanted to send you this e-mail to let you know that today, October 11, is National Coming Out Day. It is a day that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans are urged to talk to friends, family and co-workers about the issues that face us as a community, as an individual and as an acquaintance to you. It is important, now more than ever, to talk about these issues because of the upcoming presidential election.

I'm sure everyone is aware of President Bush's proposal to amend the Constitution of the United States in order to ban same-sex marriage. Regardless of your political affiliation, please be aware that this proposal discriminates against sexual minorities, is being used as a wedge issue in the upcoming election and will continue to treat people you know (i.e. me!) as second-class citizens. According to a 1997 Government Accounting Office report, there are over 1,049 benefits and protections allotted to married couples that are denied to same-sex couples every day. One argument that we hear over and over again is that we must protect the "sanctity" of marriage, a marriage between one man and one women. This is shocking considering I come from a country where 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Just to let you know, Lisa and I will celebrate our third anniversary on Nov. 22.

Another key issue is that in some states, gay and lesbian couples are legally banned from adopting children. What message does this send to children who have been adopted into loving, stable families comprised of same-sex couples? "I'm sorry, but even though your parents have been in a committed relationship for 20 years, your family doesn't count."

I'm sorry if this e-mail is offensive to you, but it is something I deal with everyday as a lesbian, as your daughter, sister, niece or friend. I live in a world where, depending on which state I reside, I can legally be fired from my job, kicked out of my apartment or until recently (Summer 2003 Supreme Court ruling in Lawrence et al. v. Texas) be arrested based solely on my sexual orientation. I live in a world where our military is one of the last institutions that is still allowed to discriminate against a certain group of people. I am a proud veteran of the Marine Corps and feel that my sexual orientation bears no weight on my ability to be a good leader or to be a damn good Marine. I got tired of being isolated, tired of hiding who I am, and tired of denying an important part of my life. I told my command that, regardless of my sexual orientation, I still wanted to serve. It was my decision to "come out" to my command and I did so because, unless the military was willing to accept me for all of who I am, it didn't deserve my service. Due to my actions, I was discharged (honorably) out of the military under the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

I write to you now as the executive director of Operation FREEDOM, a nonprofit organization that Lisa and I co-founded. Our organization is working hard to raise public awareness about the oppressive nature of the policy, to raise academic scholarships for former military personnel who have been discharged under the policy and have lost their veteran benefits (i.e. Montgomery G.I. Bill) and to raise funds to sponsor these individuals to attend LGBT-friendly conferences and events.

I value each and every one of you in my life and I hope you feel the same way about me. This was my way of sharing with you things that go on in my life and to increase the visibility for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people everywhere. Please feel free to respond with your reactions and thoughts. Let's all celebrate National Coming Out Day together and work hard toward equal rights for all people.

Love,
Michelle