Writing Workshop
I am very excited to start the next module for this class, which consists of a writing workshop. I have selected a piece that was written for Deb in my JOMC 223 class. It is actually the second post that I had ever written for my previous blog, Michelle's Freedom Forum. The piece is entitled Don't Forget the Rest of Us and talks a little bit about building an online community for sexual minorities who are usually pushed to the margins of society.
2 Comments:
I really enjoyed reading this piece, which discussed the emergence of new global communication technologies and their impact on the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) movement. I also used the pointing and center of gravity response as well as summary and voice strategies of revising as discussed in Revising with Feedback.
This is obviously a subject that is often skirted, and it’s about time that someone put the information out there. Your method is direct and engaging. Not only are you a fearless writer, Michelle—you are a great communicator. You stated that one of your concerns was that you might not “present in a clear and concise manner” exactly what you are feeling and thinking. It is clear to me that you put much thought and effort into your piece. Though you are a self-proclaimed procrastinator (as am I), I didn’t feel that while reading. Your content was easy to read and did not at all seem unorganized or hastily written. You have a clear thesis and purpose, which shows an appropriate amount of planning. Your text is well written and both grammatically and structurally correct, which denotes careful drafting and revision. In the end, when I ask myself “what is she trying to say? Is there something beneath the surface?” I can easily answer those questions. Your agenda is not hidden, so there is no need to go back and read repeatedly.
The beginning paragraph asks a question, “Who is being left behind?” leaving the reader with the desire to read on. It’s an effective “grabber” and serves its purpose fully. It is followed by the not so subtle reminder that we live in a socially constructed society and people are judged by sex, gender, race, and sexual orientation. People often try to ignore what is apparent in their lives because it is easier for them; you throw caution to the wind and say, “This is me and this is my life. We all live together, so this is a part of your life.” It is clear in your writing that this is a subject close to your heart, which I think is a good thing. It’s so obvious when a writer is merely writing a required piece and feels nothing personal and has no real attachment.
You introduce the types of communication technologies that are enabling the minority to be treated respectfully and equally. You specifically discuss the weblog as a medium where people can express themselves and step beyond the roles given to them by society. This is backed up with sources and examples, which adds validity to your essay. You discuss in detail how this is a positive trend and how it can also help the visibility of social movements in underdeveloped countries. You are a writer who truly wants to help others—who wants to spread a message globally, not just locally. That is the type of writer/communicator that is most likely to create change.
Christy Kinnion
1:12 PM
great idea to follow up after the workshop and post some thoughts. nice to credit christy.
i love your tone throughout the posts, and i see it attracting lots of posts going forward.
8:44 PM
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