After a While
After a while you learn the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
You really are strong
You really do have worth
And you learn
And you learn
With every goodbye, you learn...
~Veronica A. Shoffstall~

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy
in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving.
Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others
without getting a few drops on yourself."
~ Og Mandino~

"To be healthy, wealthy, happy and successful in any and all areas of your life
you need to be aware that you need to think healthy, wealthy,happy and successful thoughts
twenty-four hours a day and cancel all negative, destructive, fearful and unhappy thoughts.
These two types of thoughts cannot coexist if you want to share in the abundance that surrounds us all.
~Sydney Madwed~

"To accept ourselves as who we are and allow love into our lives, and to commit to being who we truly are,
is the beginning of true happiness."
~Unknown~

A Reason, A Season, or A Lifetime

When someone is in your life for a REASON. . . It is usually to meet a need
you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to
provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally,
or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there
for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your
part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to
bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk
away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must
realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is
done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move
on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON. Because your turn has come
to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make
you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually
give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But,
only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build
upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept
the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind
but friendship is clairvoyant.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.
~ George Eliot~

Here I Go Again

I sit in the bathroom looking in the mirror
I sigh,"here I go again."
I run the comb through my hair,and I sigh.
I see my true self.Why?
Kind of blue like a Miles Davis tune.
The reflection of me I search deeply.
Who am I, and I sigh.
I make up my face leaving no trace of
what is.
The dark rings surrounding my eyes
I disguise.
I look in the mirror.
I sigh,"here I go again."
Another day the show will begin,
but on which note will it end?
Here I go again
~Terry O'Neal~

Why I Cry

There are days that I just sit and cry
And sometimes I ask GOD why
Why did I have to come to the point
Where I just couldn't take anymore
Where is the strength that I pray for?

Some days I cry so hard
That my eyes start to swell and they hurt
Some nights I cry so hard
That the next day I can hardly see
There are days that I just sit and cry
I cry so hard till I feel pains in my stomach
I cry because I want to give up on myself
My children and life
I cry because I am tired of the same old everyday routine
The same routine that shows me accomplishment everyday
Some days I cry because I'm tired of feeling overwhelmed
I am tired of feeling like I am running
But at the same time
I'm not moving at all
Some days I just sit and cry

There are days that I just sit and cry
Because I don't know what to do
I cry because I am all out of answers
And I don't know what else to say because
I've said every thing that I co uld think of
And nothing worked
~Terry O'Neal~

My Hair
It was I that permed this hair
So it should be
I that set my napptural hair free

For years I've covered it
With a lie (lye)
To set it free, I must try

So in the mirror
I will stand
With the scissors in my hand

Don't need no barber
Only me
I made this mess
So I'll set it free

Unknown
(Don't be surprised if I actually do this one day. No one really knows how tired I am of dealing with this mess on top of my head!!)

Being Twenty-Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as u. You look at your job...and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself.....and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

And My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE: A Time Comes in Your Life

A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum,
your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet ashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you; and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself; and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you; and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own, and to take care of yourself; and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers ... and you begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties; and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all that you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with; and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing; and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world ... and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries,
and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving,
and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love...and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms ... just to make you happy.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10, and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and
agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK.... And that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect; and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his/her touch ...
and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple, and you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise.

You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest.

And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve ... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different
from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time. FEAR itself.

You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it livingunder a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve; and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.

You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -- the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you, and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself; and you to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever, settle for less than your heart's desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand; you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Author Unknown

This page was last updated Monday, November 18, 2002