The Rubber Chicken Parade
by Wray Templeton
Cast: The Master, Tegan, Adric, Nyssa, and one Knight complete with rubber chicken
The scene is not important. It may possibly be set in the Master's TARDIS but it doesn't have to be. All three companions are tied up or restrained in some way. The Master is walking around a small stand which contains an opaque plastic covering of some sort and a set of scales. The Master is holding an apple, examining it as though it were a priceless artifact.
TEGAN (squirming in her bonds): Master, you fiend! You'll never get away with it!
MASTER (arrogantly): Oh, but I already have.
ADRIC: Tegan's right! The Doctor will stop you somehow!
NYSSA: And you'll pay for your hideous crimes!
MASTER (gloating): Brave words for three who are in no position for threats. Still, I shall put up with your empty intimidations for the moment because - at last - I have achieved my revenge upon the meddling fool known as the Doctor! Utilizing my vast knowledge of the universe, I have transformed the Time Lord into this piece of fruit here! (holds apple up for all to see)
ADRIC: It's horrible!
NYSSA: Don't worry, Adric. The Doctor will find some way to reverse the process.
TEGAN: But how, Nyssa? I think the Master's finally got him. And us.
MASTER: Quite so, young lady. And I could kill you all now! But I won't. After the endless agonies that I have been forced to suffer at the hands of your friend, it is only fitting that I put him through my tourtures a hundredfold and force his dearest companions to witness the final defeat of the Doctor! And that is why I have turned him into this apple! And now I will deal the final humiliation.
TEGAN: What's that?
MASTER: Although the Doctor is no longer in his true form, he yet retains his normal conciousness. That is why I am placing him under this covering, thus shutting him off from all outside interferences! (places apple under covering)
TEGAN: You ruthless -
NYSSA: No, Tegan! Don't you realize? If this Doctor can still think, he can also free himself!
ADRIC: Yes, of course!
MASTER: Oh, but you're wrong again. For I have taken an added precaution which will ensure that the Doctor stays in his present state for eternity!
ADRIC: And what's that?
MASTER: Each morning I simply place the Doctor's container on these scales. (indicates scales)
TEGAN: So?
MASTER (a bit taken aback): Oh? But surely you've heard of the old Earth adage: A weigh a day keeps the Doctor an apple?
After a brief pause, all companions start booing and hissing (along with the audience). A few cries of "bad joke" sprung up. Then, enter Knight with rubber chicken, who walks up to the Master and beans him over the head with the chicken.
THE END
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