I am the very model of a modern science-fiction fan,
I've followed Kirk's adventures since the Enterprise's treks began,
I read John Campbell's stuff before Astounding changed to Analog,
And really much prefer to try to housebreak wookies than a dog.
I've studied Heinlein carefully to learn exactly how he groks
And now can do as well as either half of Zaphod Beeblebrox.
I'll tell you all the titles of the works of Isaac Asimov--
(mazel tov? Gorbachov? Ah!)
Though not perhaps as rapidly as he himself can pass 'em off.
I can name you every Doctor Who before and after Jon Pertwee
And name the hue of every stripe on every scarf they've worn but
three.
I've mastered Gordon Dickson, Larry Niven and Poul Anderson,
And now I am a better science-fiction fan than anyone.
I try to keep acquainted too with all the works of fantasy:
I've drafted maps of other worlds, both Gor-ish and Atlantis-y,
My knowledge of the pedigree of Conan's sword is only a
Suggestion of my facts about the realm of Aquilonia.
I know how many paragraphs are in the Necronomicon,
Why mutant ninja turtles are unfit to base a comic on,
What talents will occur in Xanth to all its beings newly born,
(coolly shorn? movie porn? Ah!)
And what you should and shouldn't order at the Vulgar Unicorn.
I know the heirs of Isildur, from Valandil to Aragorn,
And by how many feet Mount Doom is higher than the Matterhorn;
I've mastered Anne McCaffrey, C. J. Cherryh, Harlan Ellison,
And now I am a better fan of fantasy than anyone.