Jokes!
Just hoping to add a little humor to your life!
Get it? If not, read Exodus 14:26-31
And a special Holiday greeting...
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Fun Lists
Fun things to do at garage & yard sales:
1. Demand to see something that's not out for sale. When they go to look for it, leave.
2. Ask for a 90% reduction in the marked price.
3. Walk around criticizing the quality, condition, color, size, quantity, price and anything else about the merchandise. Leave saying "I've seen better junk at the landfill!"
4. Spend a lot of time picking up and walking around with a bunch of stuff. When you get their hopes high enough, put it all back and leave.
5. When not observed, switch or remove the price tags.
6. When you see a sale, go home, round up all the neighborhood kids and dogs, bring them to the sale and let them loose. Stay in the car and watch the fun.
7. When you see a sale, drive ever so slowly by. Go up the block, turn around and drive sloowwllyy by again. Repeat a
dozen times.8. Ask for food and drink.
9. Act like your lost. Ask for directions. Pretend you don't understand.
10. Pass 2 or 3 hours in inane conversation. Leave without making a purchase.
11. Walk all over in their neighbor's yards. Peek at the sale through the shrubbery. Ring the neighbor's doorbells. Ask "Where's the garage sale?"
12. Pretend like you're going to buy a lot of valuable or fragile items. Make them wrap them very carefully. After this say "I've changed my mind" and leave.
14. Picket the sale with a sign that reads "Garage Sales Unfair to Retail Merchants"
I made up this one myself!!
How to be an Annoying Teacher
1. Bring an apple to class everyday for yourself and put it on your desk. Don't eat the apples. Leave the old apples there, even when they are completely rotting.
2. Wear very-obviously mismatched clothes, every, single day.
3. Write illegibly on the chalkboard. Make sure you leave little marks when you erase the board, so students can't read what you're writing anyway. As a matter of fact, never clean the chalkboard.
4. Put chalk all over nice, black pants when you first get to school, so that even in your earliest class, you are already covered in chalk. Wipe your chalky hands on your pants after every word you write on the board.
5. Find the dimmest, bluriest, overhead you can find and constantly walk in front of the light, so students can't see what your overheads say.
6. Find a dry erase marker that's completely out of ink and write with it – act like you can read it just fine.
7. Give students the wrong definitions to words they are supposed to know. When they fail their tests, tell them they should have made good use of the dictionary.
8. Put the wrong date on the board EVERYday. Pick one date to write on the board – days like Christmas are good for this. Tell students that it should be Christmas everyday.
9. Don’t brush your teeth for a week and speak directly at the students in the first row.
10. Bring rewards for people who sit in the back of class. Don't wake those students when they are sleeping, and tell your other, diligent students that they work too hard.
11. Sing the "Star-Spangled Banner" before class each day. Sing out of tune.
When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh...the Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."That's it for now! More to come later!!