Freight Train Runnin' thru the Middle of My Head

I changed the title of this blog to yet another fabulous Springsteen lyric, and a more appropriate one, I think. I was always a little uncomfortable with the religious implications of the previous one (Casin' the Promised Land), although it came from my #1 favorite song of all time, "Thunder Road." The new one is from...do you know??? Are you that cool??? (Answer below)

So I'm off to Florida, my first-ever trip to the Sunshine State. Nope, no DisneyWorld adventures for me as a little tyke. I'll be blog-less (OH NO!) for about a week. I am, however, taking a good ol' fashioned journal (yeah, the PAPER kind).

That reminds me. When I was editing my dissertation, a great mentor and now colleague of mine told me to "find and replace" the word "however." I scoffed. Well, guess what? "However" must be my absolute favorite word in the English language, because I had used it something like 128 times. Nothing like a good transition! And it's one of those words that I never, ever say out loud. But I sure do loves me some written howevers!

But I digress. On to the fun and sun (burn).


Ans.: "I'm on Fire"

I almost forgot. I wanted to put this link out there, because I really admire this Latino filmmaker. I saw him speak at Duke several months back, and I was completely struck by the social commentary in his films, which are both beautifully serious and comical. His name is Alex Rivera and he has several sites, including www.alexrivera.com, but the one I like best is Invisible America Strikes Back. You can even watch some of his short films from that site, which I highly recommend. Especially if you're into technology, check it out. He calls himself a "compusino," which is a play on the Spanish word "campesino," or farmworker, combined with computadora, or computer. This is but one example of Rivera poking fun at stereotypes and exploring the use of technology by Latinos.

Just walked to the Carrboro farmers' market to pick up some fresh strawberries. Life's little pleasures...both the walking and the strawberries. I live for strawberry season; every year I buy tons and put them in my freezer. They're just not the same from the supermarket!

I'm preparing for my trip to St. Augustine, Florida with my friend Jen. A week of fun in the country's oldest city. I plan on taking lots of photos with my cool digital Elph, reading some fun books, and doing some cheesy site seeing (the country's first permanent Ripley's Believe It or Not museum is there, not to mention gator farms and historical reenactments. Yee haw!). Oh, and of course, there's the lying on the beach thing. Not that I love sand or sun all that much, but I adore the ocean. I didn't see one until I was 17, and I've been awestruck ever since. I could stare at the ocean for hours and listen to it for the rest of my life and not be sorry I'd missed anything else.

Hmmm...favorite sounds? The ocean. Children playing. Jason's laugh. Distant thunder. Kitties purring. Popcorn popping. Rain on a rooftop (although lately I'm sick of that one). Bruce Springsteen.

Back from a lakefront chill fest with Jason's family. It was an incredible amount of laziness, which is exactly what Jason and I needed. I played tons of Rummy with Jason's mom (who kicked my butt twice), ate burgers and other tasty vacation grub, and started reading a new book. Ahhhhhhhhhh...

Its not just about the hot dogs, the beach, and the bbq. Listen to a poem written and read by Joe Pacheco, a Latino writer from Florida, about his brother who was killed in WWII. Prepare to cry. This is from one of my new favorite sites, found while being paid to surf the internet in search of websites for Intermediate Spanish students: latinousa.org

This past weekend was one of the most amazing of my life. I don't really go in for the pomp and circumstance...all so ridiculously cliche...of ceremonies like weddings, graduation, funerals. But I have to admit that I found myself enjoying the PhD hooding ceremony. I see myself smiling in the pictures, and I realize that the smiles are genuine. I'm not posing for the camera, I'm just glowing from the inside. And Jason, standing beside me in so many of the photos, a fitting pose that is symbolic of the whole PhD process for me, is also absolutely, positively shining with happiness.

The best part of the whole experience was being surrounded by people who love me. It reminded me that although one's biological family might not live up to expectations, the family that we choose--our friends--means so much more. Jason's much anticipated "big surprise" for Friday was that my best friend Chrysty flew in from Cleveland and our fantastic friend Travis drove from Northern Kentucky! I cried when I saw Chrysty. I've never been so surprised in my life! It was an incredible moment that I will never forget. Having those two here, and Jason, and Jason's parents (who are really like my own), and my friend Jen, was the best way I could think about celebrating my big moment. And now I have that ostentatious piece of paper, complete with its flowery language, hanging in my house and it finally feels real. How did I get here? Its a blur!

Jason and I have been thinking about ripping up the carpet in our little townhouse and installing wood flooring. The more I talk to people, the more I get talked out of it. In a way, a part of me wants to defy everyone and just do it anyway (to prove that I can?), but then again, another part of me doesn't want to mess with it. Seems like a daunting project to me now, when all I really want to do is watch all the goofy home improvement shows on the Discovery Channel and TLC (I love While You Were Out and Surprise by Design). Watching home improvement? FUN! Relaxing! Exciting! Doing it? Scary! Hard! Expensive!

I've been thinking a lot about the things that are important in my life. I guess any time you approach a "major life event" (like graduating with my Ph.D., perhaps?), its tempting to reflect back on where you've been. I've realized that there isn't a lot that I would change about my life if I had to do it all over again. I think I would try harder to have more fun, taught myself that relaxing is not a "guilty pleasure" but rather a necessity, worked harder to make closer friends, and been less nervous about screwing up on a daily basis. But that's about it. I'm proud of myself, and particularly proud of the fact that besides Jason's never-ending support, I've done this entirely on my own.

Speaking of Jason, he just gave me an awesome digital camera for my graduation. I absolutely LOVE it, and I can't wait to learn how all the features work. Now, if I can just get my webpage into shape, I'll be having a ton of fun with it this summer!

One other weird thing. I bought a purse today. I haven't carried a purse since I was in the 8th grade. The last purse I remember was this HUGE (enormous, gigantic, colossal) hot pink canvas tote-thing. It was cool because I also had the hot pink Chuck Taylors, the hot pink jangly bangles, and hot pink hair accessories. Why a 13 year old needs a purse that's big enough to be checked luggage, I couldn't tell you. Before that hideous monstrosity (which, I still maintain, was cool at the time), I had one of those purses with clunky wooden handles that looked like it was made out of placemats. Does anyone else remember those, or was that just the fashion in redneck Kentucky? This new purse is quite different...black, tiny, small handles, simple. Geez, I've changed!

Imagine opening your email...its 9 days until you graduate...an email from some official sounding person at the graduate school informs you that you can't graduate: "Our records show that you have not fulfilled all requirements for graduation..." WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU...we have removed your name from the graduation list...

Heart attack.
Screaming.
Some incomprehensible cursing and whimpering.

Jason said that he thought someone had died.

After my freak-out, I scroll down to find that I have another email in the inbox. It says "OOPs!" we screwed up. You can graduate afterall! Congratulations!

My heart is still on the floor behind the office chair, I think.

Did the Komen 5k in Winston-Salem this weekend, and it is always an amazing experience. I always feel like I'm on top of the world when I finish it. The one in Raleigh is in June, and I plan to do that one, as well. Its extremely empowering to see all those strong women congregated in one place, celebrating life itself. Gives me a lot to think about. Check out www.komen.org for a 5k near you!

Tomorrow I give my final exams, and then the semester is officially over, although the grading fun then begins. I will miss my students from this semester. They have been fantastic, for the most part, and in general I think they renewed my love for teaching. Not that every moment was rosy, but overall, it was a positive experience. I learned a lot, so I hope they did too.