Draft Workshop 11/9

1. My name is Sam Kimball and I read Mandy Lloyd’s paper.

2. Does the paper fulfill the demands of the assignment? Does it have all of the elements we talked about in our class discussion? If not, list what the author needs to do to fulfill the assignment.


For the most part, you do a good job of covering all the bases as far as the demands of the assignment are concerned. However, one of the most important parts of this assignment is to analyze multiple posts. While you do mention a post, you don't really analyze it at all. You do a great job of talking about your qualifications and getting your enthusiasm about the subject across, but you don't have enough analysis of the actual blog.


3. The assignment asks you to convey your enthusiasm and to analyze some recent posts to the blog. Assuming the author has done both of these things, what kind of organizational scheme has s/he implemented to integrate these two aspects of the paper? Does it make sense? Is it effective rhetorically?


When I first started reading, it seemed like an organizational structure of some sort was going to be in place. It seemed as if you were going to lead in with your qualifications. However, that is what your focus seemed to be. You spent a lot of time explaining why you were interested in the topic and not enough of explaining your interest in the actual blog and analyzing it. Your enthusiasm shows through, but you must include analysis to supplement this enthusiasm


4. We talked a lot in our class discussion on Thursday about tone. Briefly describe the tone the author has adopted for the letter. Is this tone appropriate? Would a slight (or drastic, for that matter) shift in tone benefit the paper?

While I wasn't in class the day of this discussion, your tone seems very appropriate for this assignment. You use a very personal tone to get your excitement and enthusiasm across, but not too personal. Your tone is still formal enough to garner respect from the reader on your knowledge of the subject.

A Blog Does Wonders

In my opinion, the use of blogs on our class has been very helpful this semester. Many of the blogging assignments follow up on in-class discussions which helps students to better understand the material taught in class. The blog has also helped in the draft workshop process.

As far as the weekly blogging assignments, even though I haven't liked having to do writing other than the papers to be turned in, the assignments have definitely helped. Posts such as where we do our writing have made me think about the best way to go about writing a paper. Having to reflect back on units one and two have forced me to seriously assess my work and realize mistakes I have made and things I can definitely improve on in the future.

Some blog assignments have also helped me to better know myself. Talking about our political views made me realize what I truly believe in. It is hard to put such views into words, especially knowing that others will read it. Through the blog, I have had to open myself up to others and put my feelings and views out there.

The blogs have also helped in the draft workshop process. First of all, they get rid of the hard copy of the draft workshop form. It seems as if they are just another piece of paper and are easily lost or misplaced. Online workshops also allow people to actually think about what they want to say about a classmate's paper. I know there have been multiple occasions in which we were rushing to complete draft workshops in class with only ten or fifteen minutes left in class. Being able to take a student's paper home and complete the form online improve the quality of the workshop and, in return, the overall quality of papers in our class. Doing workshops at home allow us to sit down with a classmate's paper and read it without distractions. Then, we can take our time in composing meaningful and constructive suggestions and comments for the paper.

Overall, the blogs we have used this semester have definitely helped me in class. They help solidify concepts covered in class and improve communication skills. The blogs have also helped in the draft workshop process by allowing us to complete workshops online.

Things I Did Not Know About Economics

Before starting my research for Unit 3, I looked at the field of economics as a somewhat boring one. I saw a discipline full of theories and models. It seemed pertinent to real-life scenarios, but didn't seem like it always worked out. I thought that everyone who graduated from college with an Economics degree ended up teaching the subject somewhere or doing the same things for less money than the Business majors doing them. However, through my research, my views on economics have totally changed. I thought that all economics was were generalized equations, graphs, and models. However, I have learned that this is not true. Economics is an everchanging field that applies to much more of your everyday life than imagined. Economics helps the government and banks set interest rates. It also helps companies decide on prices for almost all consumer goods. These may seem pretty straightforward applications of economics. However, in one article I discovered for my unit 3 work, an economist from George Mason university applies economic principles to crime. He uses the equilibrium model to show how the amount of total crime relates to a person's likelihood to commit a crime. As total crime increases, crime prevention measures, such as investigations and courts become less effective. Therefore, less criminals are caught. With that in mind, a person's likelihood of committing a crime grows as the total crime grows. The economist in question then uses this to relate crime to the overall economy and the money that could be used in consumer spending that is lost due to tax hikes to improve crime prevention measures. This is a very interesting topic relating to economics. Before beginning my research, I would have never guessed that such a thing was useful in the real world. However, on the contrary, I have learned that economic principles are applicable in almost every walk of life.

Draft Workshop 11/4

1. My name is Sam Kimball and I read Mandy Lloyd's paper.

2. Mandy definitely conveys her enthusiasm for the subject, as well as explaining her background in speech pathology. She talks about working with a speech pathologist and helping children of different ages and seeing how they develop speech. She also talks about how the classes she has taken here at UNC will aid her in adding to the professor's blog. However, there is one major thing that this paper/letter is lacking. She does not analyze posts from the professor's blog. She mentions one post in her first sentence, but that is it. She needs to go into further detail when analyzing the posts from the blog.

3. She does have clear structure as far as separating different topics goes. She stays on topic when talking about her experience and background in speech pathology. She has many examples and evidence of the her knowledge of the subject. However, there are some places where very lengthy paragraphs can be shortened or turned into separate ones. Since she did not really analyze posts on the blog, it is difficult to assume a structure for this aspect of the paper.

4. Yes. The author's enthusiasm for the subject is convincing. She has a genuine love for helping children with their problems and this shows through in her letter. She expresses her enthusiasm by talking about her knowledge of the field and the students she has helped in the post. Her words on dealing with children with difficulty developing speech are truly heartfelt and you can tell.

Draft Workshop 11/11

1. My name is Sam Kimball and I read Zach Waterman’s paper.

2. Does the article or book the author has chosen to analyze fulfill the requirements for an “academic” source? Explain why or why not.


From this stage in Zach’s paper, it is difficult to tell whether or not the article fulfills the requirements for an “academic” source. Only the title of the article is given. The source of the article, where it was published, is not provided. Therefore, it is difficult to determine the credibility of the source and, therefore, the credibility of the article itself.


3. Does the paper fulfill the requirement to explain how the research presented in the article advances study in the author’s field? How, exactly, does the paper go about accomplishing this? Do you feel the requirement is fulfilled sufficiently? Explain your answers.


There is no evidence of how the research advances studies in the field. While Zach does a good job of breaking down the article into simpler fragments that are easier to understand and analyze, he does not provide information on how this article relates back to the overall field. Zach needs to revisit the prompt and make sure to cover all aspects of the assignment.


4. The assignment asks you to “Target your essay toward an audience who is well-educated, but may not have much expertise in this particular field.” Has the author done this? If the tone is off, cite specific examples of where the author has gone wrong and suggest ways that the content of the paper could be adjusted to fix the problem. If you think paper does use the proper tone, highlight one or two specific examples from the paper that support your claim.


Zach does a very good job of targeting his essay. In this day and age, it is very likely that an educated person will be somewhat familiar with the internet. With that assumption, Zach aims his essay towards those who can grasp the internet concept. The jargon used, however, does seem a little stuffy, but overall it targeted very well to the appropriate audience.

My Business

For Unit 3, I have chosen to take on the field of economics. My true passion is business, but I could not find a business blog that I liked as much as www.marginalrevolution.com. I guess I have always had a knack for business. In high school I was very involved in a club called DECA. It is a marketing club in which students compete in business-related written tests and role play situations. Through DECA I was able to go to national competition my sophomore, junior, and senior years of high school. We traveled to Salt Lake City, Orlando, and Nashville. I learned a lot about many business topics through DECA and my marketing classes. If I do not get admitted to the business school, my second choice for a major is economics. When it comes to business and economics, in the words of Will Hunting, "When it came to stuff like that I could always just play".

Unit Two Assessment

When looking back on my work from Unit Two, I feel my work followed the trend and strayed from the trend at the same time. I felt that my work improved from the papers I wrote for Unit two with some exceptions. I felt I put together a good speech, but my fear of public speaking showed through and my delivery of that speech suffered. For some reason I felt more rushed with this unit. I don't know if we really had less time, but it seemed like I always had a paper lurking over my head. I didn't like the Unit Two assignments as much as Unit One. Since the Unit One assignment dealt with more personal topics, it was easier to write a good paper. However, in Unit Two, we dealt with politics. As much as I enjoy following the news, I hate always talking about and debating politics, and that is what it seemed like we did for the majority of Unit Two. I also felt my work suffered in this unit because I got tired of writing about the same issue. Writing about financial aid over and over not only became redundant, but I found it difficult to spin the same information in different ways. Overall, I was satisfied with my work in this unit. However, I feel that I can always improve.

Financial Aid Improvements

One of the most important economic issues affecting us as college students is that of financial aid. The costs of attending college are rising rapidly. Something must be done to improve the financial aid situation in the United States to ensure the best and brightest are able to attend the most prestigious institutions regardless of cost. Increasing the overall budget of the financial aid program, especially the amounts of federal grants and loans, will help more students attend college allow for better educations to the less fortunate students of America.

The universities and colleges of America are places where the bright minds of young people are molded into knowledgeable scholars ready to take on the world and succeed. However, it is becoming harder and harder for these bright minds to afford such institutions. While the economy in the United States is struggling, college costs are increasing. “The average tuition for undergrads attending four-year public universities jumped 10.5 percent this year. That helped to push the average price of attendance, including room, board and fees, up $824 to $11,354” (Sahadi par. 1). The present financial aid available simply cannot account for such increases. Students are overwhelmed with the “sticker shock” caused by the high price tags of many of America’s higher learning institutions.

The first step in helping deserving students to attend college is to increase the budget allotted to the financial aid program. “More than 10.3 million students will be able to afford college through President Bush’s record $73 billion in financial aid assistance – an increase of $25.9 billion, or 55 percent, over 2001”( "A Plan for Creating Opportunity for America's Workers" par. 9). Allowing more students to attend college will ensure that Americans’ tax dollars are going to work in a good way. With more students attending college, more people will be better qualified to enter the workforce in order to boost the nation’s economy. Right now, my family makes too much money to be eligible for federal aid, but not enough to be able to pay the entire bill. With an increase in budget, middle class students such as myself will have a better chance of receiving federal aid. We will then be able to focus more on our studies than worrying about how this education is being paid for.

Enhancing the federal Pell Grant is another great way to help less fortunate students get a leg up. “Low-income students who take the rigorous high school curriculum will be allowed to receive up to $1,000 in additional Pell Grant funding”(“A Plan for…America’s Workers” par. 9). Increasing the Pell Grant will better prepare students for the college learning environment. If students are offered incentives to take harder classes and do well, then they will develop the study skills and time management habits that are necessary to succeed in college. Money is a great motivator. Students provided with financial aid are more likely to strive for greatness because they do not want to waste the gift that the government has provided them.

Another vital improvement necessary for providing financial assistance to students is to increase the AmeriCorps program. By increasing the number of members in the program, more students will be able to work towards earning money for school. President Bush has plans for “increasing to 75,000 the number of AmeriCorps members. Full-time members will receive and educational award of $4,725 to pay for college or graduate school”(A Plan for…America’s Workers” par. 9). This money will serve two purposes. It will give students motivation to want to help to improve our great land through the many services that AmeriCorps provides. It will also provide another avenue for deserving students to further their educational endeavors.

“Dual enrollment programs are programs which allow high school students to earn college credit and graduate in less time. Increasing the grants to community colleges will serve as an incentive for them to provide such programs”(A Plan for…America’s Workers” par. 9). Dual enrollment allows students to get on the fast track to success. By taking college classes while still in high school, students will be better prepared for classes when the arrive at a four-year institution. They will also be able to transfer the credits to their university and graduate early. If students have credits going in, then they will have to take less classes to fulfill all requirements necessary for graduation. Less classes means less money. It also means that educated students will be better prepared to go out into the workforce in order to improve the nation’s economy.

Increasing the money allocated to the financial aid system is a great step in improving education in America. Increased and enhanced grants and loans will motivate students to do well in both high school and in college. Reforms to the AmeriCorps program will give students who participate and help out in the community a sense of self-gratification. They will feel as if they are working for their aid and not simply accepting a handout. Overall, an increase in the budget provided to the financial aid program will produce a better education system, more motivated students, and well-rounded individuals prepped for success in the workforce of America.

"A Plan for Creating Opportunity for America's Workers." 2004. Agenda for
America - Chapter 1. BUSH-CHENEY '04, Inc. 22Sept2004. http://www.georgewbush.com/Agenda/Chapter.aspx?ID=1#ed.

Sahadi, Jeanne. "College costs spike again." 19 Oct 2004. CNNmoney.
Cable News Network LP, LLLP.. 25 Oct 2004. http://money.cnn.com/2004/10/18/pf/college/college_costs/.

The Draft Workshop Process

I have been having mixed feelings about the draft workshop process. While it is good to do them in class so you can instantly make suggestions face-to-face, it is sometimes difficult to do this effectively do to the limited time in class. I have gotten a lot out of the online workshops. It allows the reader to sit down, read, and reflect on the paper. It seems that in class these things are sometimes rushed because we end up doing them right at the end of class. I think it is best of we take a person's paper home and take the time to do a thorough workshop for them. The online workshops allow us to compose thorough suggestions for the author. I also have trouble constructively criticizing someone's paper while they are sitting right next to me. I think the best thing is to do the workshops online, but make them due the day that the paper was given to the person. This way the writer has plenty of time to make the suggested changes. I also think time should be put aside at the beginning of class for people to go over the previous online workshop so the writer can clarify suggestions and the reader can make further remarks. I believe this will allow the writer and reader to be on the same page and make a better paper.

Draft Workshop 10/21 (Speech)

For Thursday's draft workshop, I delivered my speech to Mandy. I feel that my speech was received fairly well. There were definitely some strong points, but also some weak points. Mandy pointed out that since I am so familiar with my topic (financial aid) that it would probably help strengthen my speech if I included more pathos in the form of talking more about my personal experience with the current financial aid system. Since we are all familiar with financial aid, it would also help if I talked about financial aid from my perspective to help the ethos aspect of my speech. I will also try to back up my own ideas for the changes that can be made with more facts and statistics.

In order to improve my speech, I plan to add more pathos to my speech. I will include my frustrations with the complexity of the system as I experienced it first-hand last year when applying to college and for scholarships. I will also add more about the "sticker shock" I encountered when deciding where I wanted to apply. Since I was unsure of the amount of federal aid I would receive, I did not apply to any private institutions. I will use this to set up my argument as to how students should be provided with estimates of aid earlier in the college application process.