Quotable Quotes

Thought Provoking

"I love mankind; it's people I can't stand." - Charles Schulz

"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend." - Yasir Arafat (On going to war over religion)

"If there is anything in the world you would rather do then spend an hour in the arms of someone that you love, kill yourself" - Unknown

"I read somewhere that 77 percent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 percent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." - Jerry Garcia

"I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain." - Jane Wagner

"Long live democracy, free speech and the '69 Mets — all improbable, glorious miracles that I have always believed in." - Tim Robbins

"It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am." - Muhammad Ali

"Fear can take you prisoner, hope will set you free." - Shawshank Redemption movie poster

"Some birds weren't meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright." - Red in Shawshank Redemption

"What we do in life, echoes in eternity." Maximus in Gladiator

“The end is in the beginning, and yet you go on." - Unknown

"When you've got 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow." - Film All the President's Men

"Never underestimate the power of denial." - Ricky in American Beauty

"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong." - Unkown

"Too much of everything is just enough." - Grateful Dead "I Need a Miracle"

"One idiot can throw a pebble in the pond, and a thousand geniuses can't stop the ripples." - Unknown

“Verbal agreements are worth the paper they’re printed on." - Tony Kornheiser (at least that's the first person I hear say it)

Have a Smile

"Hell hath no fury like a women’s scorn for Sega." Brodie from Mallrats

"Waste not, want not." - Brodie from Mallrats

"I only came here to do two things: kick some ass and drink some beer. And it looks like we're almost all out of beer." - Clint from Dazed and Confused

"You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind blows." - Forrest in Forrest Gump

"From that day on, if I was going somewhere, I WAS RUNNING!" - Forrest in Forrest Gump

"I've never walked through the first-class section of an airplane without wanting to punch somebody in the face." - Bill Simmons

"Derek Lowe and Jason Varitek for Heathcliff Slocumb was the greatest deal since Andy Dufresne bought the rockhammer from Red for $10." - Bill Simmons

"Reason No. 159 why you have to love Traffic: the court scenes where Boone from Animal House is defending Manny from Scarface." - Bill Simmons

"An assumption that's probably wrong but still hard to shake: Duke basketball fans are just Raider fans with bigger trust funds." - Bill Simmons

"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege." - Unknown

"Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs." - Unknown

"If Jennifer Aniston really wants an Oscar nomination, she should steal Halle Berry's playbook, then flip to Chapter 20 ('Show breasts') and Chapter 21 ('Play a heartbroken, down-on-her-luck woman who turns her life around after an eye-opening, inspiring sex scene.') Thankfully, there's still time.” - Bill Simmons

"Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese." - C. Montgomery Burns

"I'm glad for all of the Native Americans in this country who seem to have struck quite a vein of success with casinos and hotels. I hope and pray that they'll take all of our money and buy the country back." - Bill Walton

This section we'll dedicate strictly to the philosophical genius of the immortal Homer J. Simpson

"Well, maybe if he had had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught 'im." (about Jesus wearing sandals).

"Ah, the college road trip. What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem?"

"America's health care system is second only to Japan ... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain ... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!"

"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course, and I forgot how to drive?"

"Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!"

"Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems."

"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four."

"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"

"Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!"

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out.

"Cartoons don't have any deep meaning. They're just stupid drawings that give you a cheap laugh."

"Yeah, you know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons."

"No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you."

"No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you."

"The sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back."

"Donuts...is there anything they CAN'T do?"

"When you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

"If you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half assed. That's the American way."

"What's the point of going out? We're just gonna wind up back here anyway"

"Trying is the first step towards failure."

Here's some good stuff from Ralph Wiggum, too. He's no philosopher like Homer, Ralph's just the dumb kid in the back of the classroom who picks his nose, eats paste, and endlessly harassed by his peers. God, I miss elementary school.

"When I grow up I wanna be a Principal or a Caterpillar... I love you Principal Skinner!"

"Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office."

"Me fail english? That's unpossible."

"The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there."

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."