Nicole was the kind of person who acted on instinct and worried
about people's reactions and the consequences later. When that later came, she
always questioned her inability to control her emotions. Why did she have this
huge chip on her shoulder? She never could pinpoint one reason, but she was
certain that life had handed her too many disappointments, and she didn't trust
much in this world.
Her life wasn't easy, but no one ever heard Nicole
complain. She was rough around the edges, and what 28-year-old single female
wouldn't be in her situation.
She rarely slept because her nights were filled with reflection and planning.
Reflecting on her situation. How did she end up here? Here. In this shabby apartment.
Here. Working at this dead end receptionist job. Here, trying to support herself
off her lousy income. Her reflection wasn't hard since she knew the answers
to her questions. She was here because she had let her guard down and fallen
in love with the perfect man, or so she thought. The man who was going to save
her from her secrets. Her past. The past she went to college to escape.
Nicole had loved college. It was her chance to
start over and be a new person. She embraced the life and settled into a more
comfortable her. When she met Derrick, she knew he was the last piece of her
new identity. Someone to call hers. The one thing she wouldn't have to share.
Derrick was a senior, and Nicole was a vulnerable sophomore he could play with.
She'd let him become the number one priority in her life, putting him before
school, work, even herself.
In her lonely one bedroom apartment, Nicole smiled
on Derrick and her college days. Those had been some good times. Too good she
thought. So good they'd cost her her future. Nicole sat in her advisor's office
acutely aware of the reason for this urgent meeting. She knew she was failing
out of school, but all that she cared about was Derrick. And she still had him,
so nothing else mattered.
"Ms. Donaldson," her advisor said. "Did you receive
any of the letters I sent you about your academic probation?"
Nicole looked at her blankly. "Letters? What
letters," she stammered.
"I'm not amused Ms. Donaldson. I've tried contacting
you several times by both letter and phone. You don't seem concerned about your
future here at this university. Your performance is considerably lower than
our standards here, and as I see it, your GPA does not meet the requirements
to keep your academic scholarship. Since you haven't responded to any of our
attempts to help you, there's nothing more we can do. I'm sorry, but you're
going to have to leave at the end of the semester."
Nicole stood up and looked around the room. Emotions
swelled inside of her. Another disappointment. She went back to her dorm room
and packed. She was devastated, but not one tear fell on her last day at school.
Nicole didn't cry. Crying was a sign of weakness, and Nicole was too strong
to cry. No matter how hard life got or how discouraged she became, she never
gave life the satisfaction of complete victory.
But she just couldn't escape her past. Those
disappointments permeated her life. Nicole was tired of the here she called
her present. She wanted to be there. There. Where she was a woman who finally
finished college. There. Where she had the strength to mend her past and move
forward.
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