Oct 5 Draft Workshop
Draft Workshop Form – October 5, 2004
1. My name is Zack and I read Kevin’s paper.
2. Does the paper fulfill the demands of the assignment? Does it recommend a specific course of action relating to the issue?
This paper has what appears to be a very extensive introduction. It is a good introduction and leads into what the prompt discusses; however, it does not use anything substantial to back up what he thinks the claim should be. Kevin goes through and says some good things Bush wants to do (ex. Ensuring early childhood development) but he does not go into detail about how this would actually be accomplished. Kevin should argue not necessarily what Bush wants, but more so what he thinks would be best in terms of education for the country.
3. Does the paper have a tight, cohesive and powerful thesis statement?
Kevin does not have a very clear thesis statement. The paper obviously deals with the topic of education; however, it does not make any particular claim about education. Kevin needs to summarize his opinion in one sentence. Maybe try using the “so what” test. Why is education important and how do you propose we fix the problems.
4. Does the author make use of the varied rhetorical strategies we discussed in class? Does the author overuse any particular strategy? Does s/he neglect any?
Kevin uses logos because most of the paper deals only with details and logic. Kevin could make the logos stronger if he focuses more on facts than generalizations. For example, Kevin says, “a good foundation is necessary for children to succeed in HS.” Why is this the case. Besides logos, pathos could be used. Pathos is almost non existent in this paper and could be better used to make emotional appeals for people to support your education plan.
5. Did you find the author’s argument convincing? Why or why not?
I did not find this argument convincing thus far because it is basically one long introduction. Kevin needs to work more on this paper and add more thought, facts, and statistics to formulate and education plan.
1. My name is Zack and I read Kevin’s paper.
2. Does the paper fulfill the demands of the assignment? Does it recommend a specific course of action relating to the issue?
This paper has what appears to be a very extensive introduction. It is a good introduction and leads into what the prompt discusses; however, it does not use anything substantial to back up what he thinks the claim should be. Kevin goes through and says some good things Bush wants to do (ex. Ensuring early childhood development) but he does not go into detail about how this would actually be accomplished. Kevin should argue not necessarily what Bush wants, but more so what he thinks would be best in terms of education for the country.
3. Does the paper have a tight, cohesive and powerful thesis statement?
Kevin does not have a very clear thesis statement. The paper obviously deals with the topic of education; however, it does not make any particular claim about education. Kevin needs to summarize his opinion in one sentence. Maybe try using the “so what” test. Why is education important and how do you propose we fix the problems.
4. Does the author make use of the varied rhetorical strategies we discussed in class? Does the author overuse any particular strategy? Does s/he neglect any?
Kevin uses logos because most of the paper deals only with details and logic. Kevin could make the logos stronger if he focuses more on facts than generalizations. For example, Kevin says, “a good foundation is necessary for children to succeed in HS.” Why is this the case. Besides logos, pathos could be used. Pathos is almost non existent in this paper and could be better used to make emotional appeals for people to support your education plan.
5. Did you find the author’s argument convincing? Why or why not?
I did not find this argument convincing thus far because it is basically one long introduction. Kevin needs to work more on this paper and add more thought, facts, and statistics to formulate and education plan.
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