Draft WS Nov 9
Draft Workshop Form – November 9, 2004
1. My name is Zack and I read Jacob’s paper.
2. Does the paper fulfill the demands of the assignment? Does it have all of the elements we talked about in our class discussion? If not, list what the author needs to do to fulfill the assignment.
Jacob, your paper has the beginnings of showing your enthusiasm for the topic; however, you should go more in depth with more detail a little bit about some of your experiences such as your internship opportunities. The major thing your paper is missing thus far is analysis and reflection on a few of his posts. Focus on a few of these and their significance.
3. The assignment asks you to convey your enthusiasm and to analyze some recent posts to the blog. Assuming the author has done both of these things, what kind of organizational scheme has s/he implemented to integrate these two aspects of the paper? Does it make sense? Is it effective rhetorically?
As mentioned above you could do a better job at conveying your enthusiasm. The major thing is the analysis of posts. Make sure to include this in your paper. The paper thus far is not far enough along in the process for me to notice any clear organization to it. Try to structure it better. A possibility would be first your introduction, next why you are interested in the topic, then the analysis of posts, then what you wish to contribute.
4. We talked a lot in our class discussion on Thursday about tone. Briefly describe the tone the author has adopted for the letter. Is this tone appropriate? Would a slight (or drastic, for that matter) shift in tone benefit the paper?
The tone in your paper is fine. You are very polite and you address him with the dignity professionals should receive. One possible are you should watch out for is becoming too casual with the man. Not only is he an adult, but a doctor on top of that. Furthermore, you do not know him at all.
1. My name is Zack and I read Jacob’s paper.
2. Does the paper fulfill the demands of the assignment? Does it have all of the elements we talked about in our class discussion? If not, list what the author needs to do to fulfill the assignment.
Jacob, your paper has the beginnings of showing your enthusiasm for the topic; however, you should go more in depth with more detail a little bit about some of your experiences such as your internship opportunities. The major thing your paper is missing thus far is analysis and reflection on a few of his posts. Focus on a few of these and their significance.
3. The assignment asks you to convey your enthusiasm and to analyze some recent posts to the blog. Assuming the author has done both of these things, what kind of organizational scheme has s/he implemented to integrate these two aspects of the paper? Does it make sense? Is it effective rhetorically?
As mentioned above you could do a better job at conveying your enthusiasm. The major thing is the analysis of posts. Make sure to include this in your paper. The paper thus far is not far enough along in the process for me to notice any clear organization to it. Try to structure it better. A possibility would be first your introduction, next why you are interested in the topic, then the analysis of posts, then what you wish to contribute.
4. We talked a lot in our class discussion on Thursday about tone. Briefly describe the tone the author has adopted for the letter. Is this tone appropriate? Would a slight (or drastic, for that matter) shift in tone benefit the paper?
The tone in your paper is fine. You are very polite and you address him with the dignity professionals should receive. One possible are you should watch out for is becoming too casual with the man. Not only is he an adult, but a doctor on top of that. Furthermore, you do not know him at all.
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